Jan. 7th, 2009

Words

Jan. 7th, 2009 01:58 pm
kjpepper: (lorem ipsum)
Not that I think LJ is going anywhere, but last night I updated my LJArchive. Anybody who has ever wanted to actually search their journal for something, or just read every comment $x_user has ever written to you, I recommend downloading this thing.

I've had my livejournal for long enough that sometimes just for fun, I pick a date and scroll back through the entries made on that date each year. Found this, posted 4/1/04:
I'm also feeling rather disillusioned by the concept of language. How many words have I spilled forth into my livejournal so far? how many words in the journals that came before this? How many words in emails to friends, in IMs? Not to mention the tons of words that came from my lips since I figured out the whole talking thing? And then, taking all of that, how much of that was useless prattle? Parroting back facts? Lies? True communication? Do we even truly communicate with words? Or, to quote some old Gloria Estefan song, do the words just get in the way?

I've been thinking back at all the ways I've expressed myself and not expressed myself in the past, been rather appalled at the carefully constructed nature of language in general. I often want to say something and yet am hindered by wanting to say it in just the perfect way. I am often caught up in a need to use tricks of language, wit, punning, alliteration, proper spelling and grammar (when I'm paying attention anyway)... and I find that it just kinda distracts from what I'm actually saying, though some people do get all up in arms about bad grammar and/or spelling without looking at what someone's trying to communicate.

Of course it doesn't help that I kinda start out with the idea that the spoken and written word is often not to be trusted inherently, that I need to "read between the lines" to see what's actually being said, to catch the deeper meaning, the lie, the actual communication through the construct of words. You get so caught up in what another person says that you forget to look at how another person is, how much more you can tell about how a person's feeling by looking into their face, especially their eyes, and really seeing what's there. We measure love by words and socially acceptable actions, and other shit that doesn't matter, not by the gentleness of a kiss, or the feeling of not wanting to let go in the middle of a hug, or by the caring concern expressed by another. We get caught up in the verbal promises, what's been said here and there, the good stuff, the bad stuff, dear me, the bad stuff often more than the good.

I guess words are like television - capable of transmitting important information, but also capable of delivering too much and too little information at the same time until it just fills your head with distracting garbage that keep you from knowing anything true or useful. *sigh* I don't know. Every so often I find myself trapped by words. It doesn't help that I also think in them so that the binding is twofold in that way. But... there are certain situations where the words I've said in the past rise up to haunt me, and in some cases the adage of my mother does... "if you tell one lie you have to tell two" etcetera. When really it's always easier to tell the truth the first time. *sigh* I guess my point is words don't have a very good track record in bringing people on an individual level together. They're more likely to drive walls in between. I hate that... unfortunately, sometimes words are all I have to work with, inadequate tools though they are.






The more things change, the more things stay the same.

Doc appointment tiem nau.
kjpepper: (om nom nom)
Saw the GI today. Between spanking my digestive tract with the prednisone and the taking of the meds on schedule for the first time in... okay lets admit it, ever, the Crohn's seems to be doing the equivalent of curling up in its little rocket ship, going "I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, GADGET. NEXT TIME" and then its cat punctuates that with a singularly sinister sounding yowl.

Aside: why is it that evil masterminds always have cats? Really ugly fuckers, too?

So what's the problem? My problem is that for the first time in four years my body's processing food normally. Hence the sudden 25 lbs weight spike in the last two months. Which means, if I want to get back to and stay at 185, let alone lose a bit more, I have to actually start giving a crap about what I eat. Which I realize, I should be doing anyway, and kinda have started at least paying attention. But on the other hand, arg. Anybody that knows me well knows I have a patent allergy to anything that even vaguely smells like a diet. While I realize it's perfectly possible and reasonable to eat better and still loudly and aggressively mock things like fat free labels, sucralose, Atkins and diet soda with no sense of hypocrisy I'm fairly ashamed to admit that I'm tempted to just go off my meds again because I'm lazy and just want the weight to come off without having to think about it. I'M NOT GONNA DON'T YELL AT ME I KNOW THIS IS STUPID. But that's how I feel. I'm disgusted by that especially since I was quite happy and much healthier last time I was in 230sville. Where the fuck is this weight freakout coming from?

Also, I am in one hell of a Mood today, which is not only fucking with my headnoise, but is fairly annoying because I can't pin it to a specific cause. Just imagine Eben at "full sulk" and you'll have an idea of what my state of mind is. Fair warning, especially since I fully plan on exacerbating said Mood with Red Hot Chili Peppers (the slower stuff), Eliott Smith and Jeff Buckley as soon as I finish this entry.

Oh spam...

Jan. 7th, 2009 08:20 pm
kjpepper: (lol internet)
because somehow I knew checking my gmail spambox would bring the lulz today:

Andee Browne, Robert Downey Jr. Needs Females

Where and when???
kjpepper: (iPepper)
Dear PopCap Games,

Thank you for disabusing me of the notion that I might use The Preciousssss for useful productive things. A liberal application of Bejeweled 2 has corrected that maladjusted line of thinking.

Lots of Love,

Andee

P.S. So when are the rest of them coming out for iThings? Rooting for Insaniquarium or Bookworm next.

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