May. 13th, 2009

kjpepper: (read a book)
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Probably "Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker" from Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Peach. Dahl really did have a knack for delightfully mean, subversive poetry of all stripes, but these two bits of vengeful vitriol, I think, were his best.

The end of "Aunt Sponge" kinda violates the form, but nyeah, don't care. Also, I'm quoting these from memory so some of the words might be wrong. I couldn't find them on Google. Context if you haven't read or seen it: Spiker and Sponge are the two evil aunts, who meet their well-deserved demise when the giant peach rolls over them, squishing them dead.

Aunt Sponge was terrifically fat,
And tremendously flabby at that.
Her tummy and waist
Were as soggy as paste-
It was worse on the place where she sat!

SO she said, "I must make myself flat.
I shall make myself sleek as a cat.
I shall do without dinner
To make myself thinner."
But along came the peach
Oh the beautiful peach
And made her far thinner than
that!

Aunt Spiker was thin as a wire,
And dry as a bone, only drier.
She was so long and thin
if you carried her in
You could use her for poking the fire!

"I must do something quickly," she frowned.
"I was FAT. I want pound upon pound!
I must eat lots and lots
of marshmallows and chocs
'Till I start bulging out all around."

"Ah yes," she announced, "I have sworn
That I'll alter my figure by dawn!"
Cried the peach with a snigger,
"I'll alter YOUR figure..."
And ironed her out on the lawn.


And of course, the obligatory favorite dirty limerick (there are so many!):

A couple named William and Nellie,
Spent an hour once stuck at the belly,
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.


ETA: also yoinked from someone else's answer to this:

A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"



kjpepper: (Dreamy)
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I have had three of them crop up periodically, depending on what's happening in my life. The one I used to have as a kid a lot was falling into the subway tracks in front of an oncoming train. Two is my stock anxiety dream, where I show up for an exam in a class I either have never taken or have never gone to class for and of course the exam ends up being complicated math problems ot ancient Latin or something my brain can't get around. And then there's the dream where I'm wandering around a giant swanky hotel and punch the wrong floor on the elevator and come out on a floor closed to the public because it's either still under construction, badly damaged by fire, or simply just closed and empty with sheets over all the furniture and fixtures. That one I've also had since I was a kid, and to this day I have no idea what it means.
kjpepper: (catbus)
Explain to me why I could spend all weekend up in Land of Mega Trees and be fine and then come down here and wake up with a massive allergy attack? There are less trees in NY, this makes no sense. Maybe I'm allergic to the house, lol.

In other news, I'm doing something that is absofuckinglutely terrifying right now. I've got a wedding to attend in DC over Memorial Day weekend, and the office is moving from Hamp to Westfield the week immediately following. so... *gulp* I'm researching/strongly considering renting a car for a week and making a road trip of it. If I pick up and return it in White Plains, it works out to only a little bit more expensive than all the bus/train tickets hither and yon would be, including factoring in gas, and it rather neatly solves the problem of how PVTA wise, Westfield is in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere. This is terrifying because I still don't think of myself as a driver, and the fact that I'm even considering this is setting off all kinds of are-you-crazy bells. I'm still combing Enterprise's rental policies looking for the expected line about how you need your license for at least a year before you can run off with one of their cars and being on some level disappointed that I can't find it, and therefore am not off the hook automatically.

I have the requisite piece of plastic now... I have start using it sometime, right? eeek.


Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!

hey, [livejournal.com profile] karnythia? about breeding that gold... I've had no luck whatsoever at the cave lately.
kjpepper: (DDR)
The scale upstairs doesn't say anything too majorly different, but the old 20s I was wearing for a bit are falling completely off again and my "normal" 16 jeans are once again flatteringly tight instead of waistband = ow tight. And I went down from 9 to 6 mg of the steroid today. Thinking of changing my profile pics everywhere again, as my face looks different again. Less puffy.

Progress comes in small steps. Lets see if I can manage the lighter side of 200 sometime soon.
kjpepper: (topless sayid)
Over years of random scribblings, I've got quite a few characters that have wandered through the brainmeats. They're a little like undiscovered actors that keep filming pilots, hoping that one will be picked up by a network... the shows, in this case, the fragments/beginnings of stories, never quite get picked up, but the characters sometimes stick around until something opens up for them later.

I'm still processing out two stories currently, one being the Nevershire webcomic/novelthing and the other being the Four Brothers/Ruby Sand book. This evening I was reminded of one of my better past characters from a retelling of a Midsummer Night's Dream I was playing with a few years ago but never got very far on. The "Helena" character out of this was an disgustingly beautiful bishonen prep school student of ambiguous sexuality named Jimmy Toro (short for Hajime)... and ever since I remembered him he's been running around my head being fabulous and spraying gay glitter all over my brain. It's all pretty hilarious really, but it's good too. The Nevershire story's protagonist needs a best friend.

Related to this, and looking for a face to work from for Jimmy, I typed "pretty Japanese boys" into Google Image Search and thus discovered MatsuJun. *whimper, fan self*. Um, yeah, pretteh indeed.

Speaking of pretty man candy and all, time for season finale of LOST.

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