May. 20th, 2009

Bad Patch

May. 20th, 2009 04:44 pm
kjpepper: (evil)
just a heads up/PSA type post... which will be short, because this sort of shit is extremely hard for me to admit/write/say out loud.

I'm... not okay. I've pretty much been unraveling since last Friday. Most of my energy is focused on trying to stay employed and trying to keep the massive tangle of neurons in my head from getting too out of control... barely managing the stay employed bit so far.

Nothing specific triggered it, but a whole shitton of things are making it snowball rather nastily.

I'm not asking for really anything of anyone... Hell, I feel like an attention whore simply for posting this, but I've gotten in trouble before for pushing people away when I need them, so I guess this is my way of not doing that? Thing is, I either am unwilling to admit or don't know what I need, and thus I can't really ask for it, but I know what I started to do (shut up shut down disappear people have more important things to deal with than you come back when you feel better don't be a bother no one cares about your bullshit smile pretend it's okay if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all shut up shut down...) isn't going to work this time.

I guess put it this way... If I were Tinker Bell, I could rather use a round of applause.

Leaving it public, though every fiber of my being wants to lock it up under four million filters until only I can see it. Comments screened, tho.
kjpepper: (verklempt)
you guys are awesome.

Today, at least, was rescued from the shitter by virtue of (in no particular order) a long walk in the park, Girl Talk, McNuggets, a phone call from Houston that I'm still rather blushing furiously over and a lot of clapping. It's going to be a long night as I still have work to do, but the bounce seems to have returned to my step for now. :) And I have three eps of Rome to watch while I work.

Thx, y'all. *blows kisses to all and sundry* We now return you to your rey-goo-rar-ry scheduled programme...

July 2009


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