kjpepper: (Default)
Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!

Sleep schedule is borked - got home at 11:30 last night and stayed up until 8 am to finish the book stitching and thoroughly coat the binding in rubber cement. (Fumes are fun! Whee!) While doing so I watched Ma Vie En Rose (I see why Marion Cotillard won for it, that was quite a performance), Dangerous Beauty (*swoon* I love me a good costume porn movie), and the pilot episode of Californication (which is actually quite decent once you get over the idea that you're watching David Duchovny swear and fuck a lot and whine about it in VO). crashed, got back up at 1. Ugh, I feel like such a slug.

It's quite lovely having a craft project - I hadn't really expected to be doing anything like that until I got back to MA. I'm finding it does wonders for my disposition, not to mention it does afford the ability to catch up on movies/TV I missed. All the more reason to dig the beads out of hiding when I get settled; I have a few projects planned for that.

Dinner last night over at Ruthy's was fantastic - she made this delightfully rich sauce over whole wheat pasta. It's always fun getting to sit down to dinner with Dad and at least one other person in the family because the teasing/verbal sparring/discussion that usually arises is highly entertaining. Sort of makes me nostalgic for Friday nights when Dad would have the day off and actually be home for dinner and he and Mom would go at it. Usually over beer. Dear heavens, Mom loved herself a beer and a good debate/argument. Dad simply likes to hear himself talk, I think, lol. I got a little bit of ribbing from both sides of the table for knowing obscure bits of history off the top of my head and also for pulling my cell out of my bra when [livejournal.com profile] cell23 called mid-dessert. Hey, my dress had no pockets, where else was I going to put it? (The iPod was in the other cup.) After dinner we watched Doubt, which was quite well acted, and then Dad and I went home and had a fun discussion about the role of movies in society now and fifty years ago. Always fun discussing cinematic merit with a Turner Classic Movies devotee, lol.

Nothing terribly exciting lined up for the rest of today. If the sun comes back out I may take the Hatemonger to Prospect Park. I also need to get some work they pay me for work done and if possible squeeze in something of a workout. Also running to the store. Kitty needs sugar, raisins and eggs....


Jun. 6th, 2009 02:56 pm
kjpepper: (greek temple)
It's sunny and warm out there. George* has been showing up at my house the past three days, ringing the bell and running away; today he gave up and came in, and from the feel of things, is playing Wii Sports. Eeegh. Guess he's sticking around this time.

Puts my general mood wonkiness of the past few days into perspective. I'm annoyed by this, to be honest - I hate how hormones + weather = basically end up with me turning into Despair from Sandman. Except less pale. *sigh* ugh. I think once move is achieved I'm definitely going to head back to Chiquitita and try to stick to seeing her regularly. I really can't manage my brain very well on my own, I'm coming to realize. I hate that, but I can't do much about it other than accept it and try to work with it, and for that I need help. Bah.

Next trip back to the valley is pencilled in a week later than originally planned (June 22-28). Planning on using a good chunk of that week to apartment hunt. Hoping to find something for Aug 1st, but am not going to say no if we find someplace that wants July 1st - just means I'll have to borrow a bit from my sister and dad to get things settled. Still... I was commenting to [livejournal.com profile] labmouse over skype that I'm probably not done with New York. Despite the setbacks, it's been, a good thing overall coming back and plugging back in with my family, and I don't plan on letting the renewed connections lapse again. Which means most likely coming back more often, probably for a week or so at a time. The whole telecommuting to work deal will make that pretty easy. Besides, a big part of me is going to miss hanging with Dad, now that I've gotten a chance to, and like he's said repeatedly for the last 20 years or so, he's not going to be around forever.

Decided to skip MoCCA today... not all that much there I want to see, plus I've got things that need doing tonight and tomorrow. Am heading out after this post to meet [livejournal.com profile] ggirl for craft fair in a little bit (and break in the new sneakers). There's another fair type deal happening in the Slope tomorrow too, vaguely thinking of walking over and checking it out. All depends on what I get done and what I feel like doing.

* [livejournal.com profile] athene's pet name for the monthly visitor
kjpepper: (grown and sexy)
Running off in another minute to attend Sportsball2009 with the rest of the fam. Should be fun. And by fun I mean eek.

Alls I got to say is that nothing says "Sis, I love you" like putting on three inch heels, enough hairpins to pick up Z100 in my back molars and foundation. FOUNDATION I TELL YOU. *grumbles a bit about how she needs to buy a form fitting tux at some point and avoid this mess*

I'm off. Here's hoping I don't sprain an ankle and collapse into the waiting arms of a strapping young skyscraper basketball player. On second thought....

nah, I kid, I kid.

Behave yourself, internet. Or not. ;)
kjpepper: (The House)
Thanksgiving winding down. We have achieved some delicious turkey, mac and cheese, and maple glazed ham, and I'm currently digesting two large slices of apple pie. The house is actually noising up as people have slept off the food coma for the most part and the political discussions have resumed in the dining room over coffee and more dessert.

Over here in the living room, Dad is trying to get me to sneak him a dish of pie and ice cream, unaware that Nuke is in the kitchen and can clearly hear him trying to get me in trouble. (He's diabetic, and admittedly he has managed his sugar extremely well for almost 20 years... I'll probably get him the pie as soon as Nuke leaves the kitchen.)

I've had a lot of fun hanging with the kids, many gooooofy pictures were taken, and while I don't think I've scarred my youngest nephew for life, I'm quite sure responding to the charge that my hair looked like a bunch of tarantulas nesting in my head with the idea that they come to life at night and that they were going to eat his face if he didn't shape up was probably not the most mature way of handling that (though I must say the idea improved his behavior significantly for a good portion of the evening.)

Cousins I haven't seen in decades were talked to. My aunt has joined us this year, and is amused and horrified by how sick we really all are when we get together.

C was called and was treated to a vociferous thank you for all her help with me from Dad and a cranky callback from my siblings demanding why she didn't talk to them, lol.

Silent Santa for Giftmas has been drawn and budgets for gifts have been decided on (and I for one am rather relieved at the tightness - my wallet will not be taking much of a hit this year.)

My agenda for tomorrow was worked out twice - once by me, and again by Nuke because I swear, sometimes people would rather swallow rocks than admit I know what I'm doing with myself sometimes. But game plan in place.

Overall... a rather excellent holiday was had. Tomorrow I go hang with the identical in-laws. W00t.
kjpepper: (The House)
Did Amtrak finally get its first government subsidy ever or something? They've revised their fares so that there are now peak and off-peak prices... and the off-peak prices made me go O_o and refresh the site a bunch of times in disbelief. If I go late in the evening or early in the morning, it is now cheaper to get from here to NY via Amtrak than it is via peter pan/Greysuck.

This is EXTREMELY FUCKING RELEVANT to my interests.

Anyway, I'm trying to put together some travel plans, as I need to be in Buffalo for the Turkey day itself (alls I'm saying is, there better be a working TV in Nuke's house and some coffee, and NOBODY best bother me between 9 and 12 cause I have to get my parade on - seriously, I get kinda Rain Man about it every year) and the day after, in Binghamton for [livejournal.com profile] sundart's family gift exchange thing. (I figured since I'm already in that end of the state and it's sorta on the way back). This was starting to get tricky as there's only one train per day running out there from Springfield and depending on when I go to the web site it's either down to a few coach seats or completely sold out, so I was kinda freaking out about it until I decided I should simply take that week off and head down to the city the weekend before. Lots more trains to Buffalo from there. Cheaper too. O_O damn Amtrak. I think I heart you even more now that I can actually afford to take you places. Plus seriously? Considering I've been told in no uncertain terms that I cannot sit still for more than 2 hours when travelling, minimizing bus trips in favor of some conveyance with a snack car is quite preferable. (still have to take Greybitch to Binghamton from Buffalo tho, boo.)

This, I think works out. I have a bit of an anniversary to celebrate that weekend, anyway, then I'll get to hang with Dad for a couple of days and cook stuff for the cavalcade of relations. *sigh* I should at least see if I can get Raf's/my laptop looked at by the boys at work before then and hopefully the display problem I had in August is something minor cause all this running around requires a bit of connectivity... course there's probably still no Interbuttz at The House.

Also need to start planning for Giftmas... Halloween is over, the holiday train has officially left the station.

Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!Adopt one today!
kjpepper: (aeris)
You gotta love days that feel like the longest ever and then all of a sudden they're done and you're all like wait, where did the day go, wha? That was today.

This morning we took Amastan and Ale to River Valley Market and Herrell's before sending them off on their merry way back to PA. I think if Amanda could have hitched the market to the car and taken it back to PA with her she would have. It was adorable watching her squee and have local foodgasms all over the place. I often forget that normal suburbia doesn't really have the whole good local food focus that this place has. Eeep. And Herrell's never fails to impress. :) I finally got the milkshake I'd been craving since being in the hospital, omg so good... though quite honestly, my digestion's been RATHER displeased with me since. Argh. :/ So so far, the only thing that I really do have a problem with is liquid dairy - milk, ice cream, probably the half and half I've been using in coffee too. So that moves definitely in the Andee probably shouldn't eat this category. Which, for the most part, I can live with.

Other than being tired and still being on lifting restriction, I feel fairly normal. And I can talk again, Ta ra ra boom de ay. My higher registers are still shot, but I sound like me and not Harvey Fierstein for the first time in weeks. Hoo-rah.

Rest of the day I mostly spent decompressing from the company... and indulged in a little retail therapy using the birkwelch money - Aeris has some new clothes coming. :) I did make some delicious dinner for myself and [livejournal.com profile] sydneycat, spent some time farting around SL, and mostly just being by myself and thinking over stuff. And kinda dreading actually going to work tomorrow, as there is still a fair sized mountain of work to contend with once I get there. But thats' hours away... and for right now, I'm gonna take one of them that scalding showers, toast my bed (mmm, electric blanket), and sleep all cozy.
kjpepper: (looking down)
Holy crap long busy day.

Stanley Amanda and Ale arrived, took the gang out to Chili's for my birthday, tooled around Atkins farms, and then we all went to see W., which was very Oliver Stone-y, but I liked it. Afterward they came back to the house and hung out and talked politics and America with the members of the Amoeba that weren't preparing to sing at a late night Obama fundraiser, which is where we went next, as the Connotations were performing. Their set was pretty great tonight, and except for one song that was still a little rough, everyone sang well. I actually really liked the band that performed before them as well, called the Primate Fiasco. Psychedelic Dixieland... yeah. Who knew that "Black Hole Sun" would translate so well? Gonna have to keep an eye out for them, they were good.

and now it's damned late. I need to fall over.
kjpepper: (halloween)
Damn, it's going to be HARD to get up out of bed this winter! [livejournal.com profile] anzovin got me an electric blanket for my birthday, and even without being on it makes my bed into a cozy nest of you-don't-wanna-get-up-its-cold-out-there-sleep-moar. This could be problematic in the future, though I suspect that it's gonna save me some heat bill money.

Yesterday I lost my shit and worked on work stuff from 8:30 yesterday morning until about 11:30pm (with a few hours off here and there.) I also managed to get the dishes and my laundry done, my room more or less picked up and cleaned, and my bed/sheets stripped and washed as well. Today also looks busy as there is a bit more cleaning I would like to get done before the relatives descend tonight, and alas all the work yesterday didn't do all that much for the log jam still fouling up my inbox, but I'm not knocking any progress made. I'd like to be able to head back to the offive without having to resort to ativan. Pretty much the plan for today and the rest of the weekend is to fold in as much as I can get done around other activities, and hopefully the jam will be totally clear by next Friday. It sorta crimps up my schedule for the next little in a sucky way, but I know I will be glad to have it all done later.

As for other stuff this weekend, Amastan and Ale are coming up to visit, and I must say, they are getting the perfect fall New England weekend for it. The leaves are just a hair past peak, but still very gorgeous and the weather's gonna be apple-crisp. I'm actually looking forward to tooling around with them for a bit, and I must remember to bring the hatemonger out with me for walkies. Other than that, playing it fast and loose, continuing to heal up and resisting the temptation to not scratch the scar, lol.

Well *sigh* there's a day to get started. Off to it.

ETA: w00t! the swelling going done isn't an illusion - I'm down 14 pounds from my discharge weight, which is about five pounds more than I was when I started. I swear it's all in my feet, arg.
kjpepper: (Ed (confused))
So Dad called me a couple of weekends ago to tell me to watch the mail because he was sending up "a little Easter present."

That is a verbatim quote, btw. This is important. Remember that.

Package arrived today. [livejournal.com profile] sundart is home to sign for it. So... remember the above quote? I was kinda expecting a bag for my camera and maybe a tripod, as he'd promised to send up both of those at some point. but no, according to an incredulous [livejournal.com profile] sundart, there is now a 42" plasma TV sitting in our dining room awaiting the total living room rearrangement we're going to have to do to accomodate this monster.


Thank you, Dad?
kjpepper: (brat)

Mom hated that car. Actually we all did... )
kjpepper: (kill you with my brain)
some essays I may need to write in the future/think other people should make their thesis topics or something:

  • the influence of new electronic media upon verbal and written communication. Specifically want to concentrate on the relatively new phenomena of e-mail, instant messaging and text messaging and how each of these have influenced language use. A narrowing of the topic would be a concentration on the origins of l33tspeak and other internet-based variations of language.

  • a long rant along the lines of How Do I Hate the Telephone, Let Me Count the Ways. Seriously, I just realized and codified that I revile using the thing in just about all capabilities, with some exceptions. Seriously, one of the primary components of most of my bad dreams lately have incorporated a ringing telephone. I seriously hear it ringing sometimes and want to either smash it or melt it into some sort of cheery plastic donut type thing. (yes, [livejournal.com profile] extrajoker, that was purely for your benefit.) I think most of it stems from the fact that 99% of the people I want to hear from communicate with me via $COMPUTERY_THING anyway, which leaves most of the calls I get that I don't immediately recognize as being "safe" (generally accomplished via ringtone) as being stuff I don't really want to hear about or deal with at that second, and/or work related acalls, but I repeat myself.

  • Arbitrary measures of success do not equal happiness. But this one I think is stating the obvious, so I probably won't write an essay on it or anything.

I wrote Dad another long ass letter last night (which is why I couldn't sleep, and some of the above points were touched upon in its six page scope). It's interesting that I find that Saturday has inspired a floodgating of letter writing suddenly... it's like once the fighting was done and I said what I had to say, I'm no longer concerned with keeping his good opinion of me enough to censor myself beyond keeping the tone of my letter formal, and one of the things that he said had been bothering me a lot and I needed to address it. I'm sure some percentage of it is a passive aggressive way of getting him to recognize that I am an individual with a mind not exactly subjugated by his will or influence, which I'm sure will frustrate him beyond belief... which actually might snap him out of his depressive funk. Goodness knows he's had no one to fight with since Mom died, and I swear sometimes those fights were what kept them going. Most of it is good for me though - I feel like a plug's been pulled, so a lot of the family related crap I've been storing up for years is finally coming out in various forms, which is good, cause it's about damn time I dealt with it.

In other news... there is one lingering bit of painful scheisse left over from the fight, which is the fact that I'm somewhat depressed about the reception to our theme. There's a very stiff divide broken down by generation over who is excited about the idea versus who is not. I'm mostly trying not to let it bother me that all of the proper "grown-ups" that we've invited have pretty much all been rather forcefully dubious about the idea, and I'm trying rather desperately not to let it bother me, as damn it, it's our party and we will swashbuckle if we want to, but now I have this pervasive vision of a group of grown-ups at my party dressed somberly and looking down at the ridiculousness of the kids having a good time and privately thinking that we should all grow up - those of them that deign to show up anyway. I won't go so far as to say that this reception has completely ruined it for me, but it certainly has made the planning more stressful and my enthusiasm for the project dull a bit. I'm sure I'll get over that in a while, but right now it's very much bugging me. Especially since all I think is "for fuck's sake, [livejournal.com profile] athene's dad dressed up for hers, why can't mine?" and of course I hear my dad saying things in response that involve jumping off bridges and my personal views on that matter, in which case (and I wish I'd thought of this response when I was twelve) I would say "That depends. Are the bridge jumpers doing it for Jesus?" And the thing was that I was determined not to let him ruin it for me after seeing one parental unit steamroll all over sydmor's and the lasting effects of THAT ungodly mess, but apparently I failed somewhere. So right now I'm waffling between thinking maybe this was an awful idea and being enraged about it enough to think whoever wrote Logan's Run might have been on to something about a society that cuts you off at $YEAR. $YEAR of course, being the whole dignity vs. treeclimbing threshold. I know I'm just being pissy at this point, but it probably is going to take a little while for me to adjust to the rage/sad storm going on right now.

I need to stop writing about that before I start crying at work. Goddamn I hate everything today.
kjpepper: (evil)
Is that a simpson's quote, that whole thing about "can't sleep, clowns will eat me?"

yeah, that's me right now.

Anyway, some icing for today's shitfest of a day - Stanley reminded me of something at dinner tonight... namely that there isn't a family history of Crohn's, but there is one of sarcoidosis. Since I can't sleep anyway, I did a little poking around on google and found that the two diseases when presenting in the gastrointestinal tract (which is rare, but possible with sarcoidosis) look pretty damn similar. So now I have to call my GI and be all like "So, lets talk about sarcoidosis..." and then probably get more tests to see a) maybe this is it instead and b) if that is the case, make damn sure it's not presenting anywhere else besides my small intestine.

Mother of god. I thought I was done with this shit. At least part of the fight with Dad earlier was me putting my foot down about the need to bounce back and forth to New York for testing by a handpicked by Dad himself specialist. Really, if it's between the pooping myself silly three times a day and the warm and fuzzy stress doing things according to Dad would cause me, I'm quite comfortable with the idea of moving a bookshelf into my bathroom.

I have a raging headache, my eyes are puffy, and I've never wanted my own comfy bed more than I do now.
kjpepper: (Kenya)
so this post, hopefully will be quick quick.

So yesterday was [livejournal.com profile] morlock's nefarious plans for me and [livejournal.com profile] sydneycat, and they were fun indeed. first for [livejournal.com profile] sydneycat he got her a bright shiny [livejournal.com profile] htl_1126 and an evening to bask in her company. Then he and htl took us out to applebees (which was ok - our waitress was a bit of a space cadet and the food could have been better, but hey, chain restaurant) and then to the Moan and Dove, which I must admit I've been really wanting to go for a longass while, and that was excellent. For those of you that don't actually live here, the Moan and Dove is a bar in Amherst with a positively obscene selection of bottled beers and a warm cozy atmosphere for people to come drink, read or hang out with friends. And in my case, get sauced enough to be silly. I had this Belgian Lambic peach flavored beer that was utterly wonderful, quite a bit of [livejournal.com profile] sydnecat's cider, and finished [livejournal.com profile] morlock's Cape Codder, which I probably shouldn't've, but hey, I'm starting to really develop a taste for vodka. :) Anyway, a very good time was had by all and then I got to take the bear home with me for some very yummy curl up and be very cozy and happy time.

Paragraph. :) This morning I woke up early, which sorta pissed me off because I have a VERY long day today - work, then doctor (hallelujah, I am off the damned dairy restriction!), then back to work, then 6:30 to 11:30 at cinefart. Eep.

Speaking of that... really, the thing I really won't have to do after today is keep track of what I eat, which was a pain in the ass. I'm not going back to a pizza and ice cream binge or anything. I'm rather glad I cut severly back on the dairy consumption, really, it was one of those things I meant to do for a while. I mean, I didn't entirely manage to stop, there was a fair amount of accidental and intentional cheating in the past couple of months - the occasional coffee or baked thing or chocolate. But I've stopped getting cheese on or in things, and I've started paying attention to labels and avoiding stuff with dairy in it. And you know what? I don't miss it all that much. I didn't even miss the candy much after the first couple of weeks. So this did help quite a bit. And I think I'll continue to be careful about it.

Also in the course of the last two months I've figured out other stuff that fucks with me. Eggs, believe it or not. I remember being all incredulous all over [livejournal.com profile] timarok years ago when he said he had an egg allergy... well I don't know if I have an allergy, but I do know that eggs definitely fuck with me. Especially in the form of mayonnaise. I can't even eat the fake stuff, I just react rather violently to it. And eggs by themselves bother me too - the couple of times I had scrambled egged it disagreed with me. And of course, there's the caffiene problem, which I have to kick all over again, but that definitely messes with me as well. All stuff I'm going to bring up to the doc later today.

Lastly... I got a reply this morning. Two actually. The first one was the expected pissyness in reaction to sending the email in question around the family, so there was some eyerolling and "Whatever" to that... but a couple of hours later I got a reply to my missive of fiery pwnage. It contained the apology I asked for, and a rather detailed explanation of the pent up frustration that drove the original message. And a few other things that had me sobbing this morning. Not from anger or sadness, just... I don't know. Relief? Not exactly... *sigh*

I don't fucking know. My family drives me utterly bonkers, anyone that knows me will confirm this in triplicate. I guess what's messing me up is that pretty much the sentiment I've gotten back from everyone is that if I'm willing to repair the bridges I've ... well, scorched over the past few years, they will be waiting on the other side and willing to try to relate to me as the person I am now, not so much the kid I used to be. It's just going to be a monumental process to do that and it's going to be on me to come clean about some things I have been hiding, and I'm still wondering if it will be worth it. Maybe? Arrrgh.

Well, so much for being quick with the postings. The point being I'm here. Just busy.
kjpepper: (growl bitch moan)
Today's crankiness brought to you by server failure, society, tomato sauce, and the letters F and U. And the number 6.

the puzzle pirates server has punked out completely. this sucked because my ship is now stuck on a remote island on literally the ass end of the midnight ocean. Seethe.

This seems to be the week for doing some long hard mulling over the idea of family. Sunday I met anzovin's mom, and his sister, who was much cheerier than the last time I met her (then again the recent purchase of a sharp thing as long as you are tall would do much for anyone's disposition. Tomorrow, sundart, anzovin and I go to Castle Zak for the weekend, which I'm looking vastly forward to as I love the Z's to no end. C's family is awesome. Today apparently both syd's parents and morlock's dad are in town, not that I'm going to see them personally but I find it interesting that it's all happening simultaneously. Needless to say I'm displeased with mine, with some exceptions, of course....

I did have some point to this post, but apparently it just went right out the window. I think I need to stomp off, send at least one email to one bitch-ass relative, and go wallow in my pissyness for a while.
kjpepper: (brat)
Well, on a more positive note, I sit in the composition notebook like mottling caused by afternoon/evening sunshine trying it's best to poke its way through the gigantic maple tree outside of my bedroom window. The breeze is making the patterns shift and shimmer on the walls and across my lap. I'm quite enjoying this.

Several hours and accomplishing much at work has done much to settle the seriously jangled nerves from this morning's kick to the guts. I'm no longer utterly enraged by that email. Disgusted and saddened, absolutely, and somewhat resolved in the fact that staying away from that whole poison factory back in Brooklyn is probably the best thing I've ever managed to do for myself. I may have issues, everyone does, but I think I can say I'm decidedly more well adjusted than most of them - I just didn't have hard evidence before! Thanks for the comments and the IMs and the walk (that's for [livejournal.com profile] morlock) though, they've been incredibly supportive and some of you lent some much needed perspective and advice. Ultimately I think I'm going to go with [livejournal.com profile] myburningviolin's idea and snailmail both a printout of the email and my general thoughts about how inappropriate it was. It will be difficult keeping my language non-inflammatory while doing so, but I think I'm up to the challenge. At best, it gets the line of communication open. At worst, which is still pretty good considering, I get the last word. And I keep my promise to [livejournal.com profile] morlock.

Incidentally, I am thinking back to several stellar instances in which I've pulled out claws and fangs via email on other people. Genetics are a funny thing, eh? *shakes head* It's interesting that this comes up today, as [livejournal.com profile] morlock and I had just had a conversation last night about how I have a talent for using words to heal or to hurt... funny how they're two sides of the same coin.

Tonight, hopefully, there will be grossfairies, and maybe a bit of cleaning later, though with the soupy air out right now I'm hardly inclined to leap out of my chair and vacuum until my brain explodes. C's coming over tonight as well which will be nice... maybe we'll get some wedding fu discussed? I don't know. We definitely going on the side of FUN for our big party - less wedding reception and more... disco bowling, maybe. :) (though I'm not particularly sold on that idea just yet.) The wedding itself, we're thinking a small family only ceremony at the the spot where C and I exchanged beaded promise rings we made ourselves on the eve of our first summer apart. And then the big crazy bash where everyone gets to come the day after. Which reminds me, I need to email some folk. Looks like this may actually happen. *crosses fingers*

In other news, I'm slowly working out some loose choreography for "Egyptian Reggae". I did a good deal of playing around with the set of zils Joanne lent me over the holiday so I know what I want to do with them, so now it's just working on the movement. The first eight measured kinda got worked out in the shower last night (it's very weird having a shower big enough to sort of dance in, btw!) so I'll refine that and then figure out the next eight... at this rate, maybe I'll have something nailed for the next MEAC show, though I doubt they're going to let a n00b like me have a solo!

I wonder if there's a New England or PV belly dance community out there? if not, I am shocked and appalled at the oversight and vote that [livejournal.com profile] nepenthe01 and I start one. ;)

Time to find some dinner methinks.
kjpepper: (masstransiscope)
Seems to be the sort of week for them.

Every so often I realize that my realities (yes, there are more than one of them) are carefully constructed around me, and don't have much to do with what collectively serves as Reality®. It's a defense mechanism really... it's so I don't really have to deal with shit I don't want to deal with. Being in the Valley helps with that, it's weird how this place manages to exist in its own little bubble... you would think the rest of the world just came to a screetching halt after the hills have been reached and passed. Which kinda helps when there's stuff going on in that outside world that you really don't want to deal with.

Like parents. Parents are really good at being reality checks. Not just your own either. Other people's too. It's like you can be as crazy and messed up as you want to be, but someone else's mom walks on the scene and you have to sit down, behave, clean up your language, and pretend that nary a deviant thought has ever crossed your mind. (well, except for [livejournal.com profile] sundart's parents, but that's cause they fall in the general category of awesome.)

Most of the time I manage to avoid them. I haven't talked to anyone in my own family since the storm broke around my sister and Isiah Thomas - it seemed as good of a time as ever to fall off the radar again. Usually no one really bothers me when I do that - when I come back I get lectured like fuck, but mostly I think they've given up on getting me to be consistant about being in touch. But I do feel horribly guilty about doing it... especially when someone actually does call me and I totally panic-freeze and don't answer the phone. And it's all really because I don't want to ever discuss school with Dad again, because that's another reality check I don't want to have. *sigh* It's stupid, but there it is. Family really represent everything I don't want to have to deal with in my life, shit I've been avoiding and denying quite well, and dealing with them just means I have to deal with other shit.

Well, I never said I wasn't a little screwy in the head.

Anyway, Reality® has risen to bite my ass at least two or three times this week in various forms, and it shows all my careful construction to be the house of cards it is. Now granted, I build some very sturdy card houses, but even so, all it takes is a breath or a table jiggle or even just one misplaced card to bring it all tumbling down... and it feels like someone's breathing a little enthusiastically around all my hard work.


Jan. 15th, 2006 12:54 am
kjpepper: (B train)
two things are immediately apparent to me as I sprawl across Mom's bed - one, wireless signal does indeed go through a double layer of brick wall (though NY row house walls are not exactly known for their fortress-like impenetrability) and 2) our snotty neighbors (the new kids on the block - they moved in about 5 years ago and proceeded to give Mom and Dad hell about the dog they still had then) have a fabulously good wireless router that seems to be directly up against the wall where Mom's room is, as I'm getting full signal. Good to know for times when I'm here - bring the laptop.

Anyways, we are here, and the house is, thankfully, quiet. [livejournal.com profile] morlock's upstairs in my room dead asleep, and I can hardly blame him. He not only had a three and a half hour drive to contend with, parts of which were straight through Manhattan proper due to a missed exit in the Bronx, and with no cruise control (shit, forgot about that part, ow), but almost immediately after had to contend with meeting a somewhat bigger chunk of my family than expected, as Dad took everyone out to his new pet Cuban restaurant across the street from Bloomingdales (Cabana - highly recommended, BTW). "Everyone" being Dad, Janra and I, Amastan, Anucha, and three of the spawn. *shakes head* So weird. Spring was being all quietly moody and introspective, though I think she was actually bored as hell with us grown ups and just being snotty about not wanting to be there. And Ale seems to have inherited the annoying baton. Hopefully she'll grow out of that. Anyway, in keeping with the tradition of the kids glomphing all over anyone I bring home with me, they all took to morlock pretty quick, Dakota was deeply impressed by his DS anyway, and Anucha, Stanley and Dad (Amanda got there late) also seemed to like him a lot, and politely didn't ask why the hell I brought someone else's husband home with me ([livejournal.com profile] sydneycat et all, you'd best be giggling), though Stanley couldn't resist making the oblique snarky crack at me. *chuckle* I swear, my relationship with him could definitely be summed up in what he said to Ale midway through dinner - "Stop tormenting Andee - you know that's my job."

Seriously, weirdly enough, a good time was had by all. And dinner was pretty good too... hell, even [livejournal.com profile] morlock found something to eat, so I'll count it as a success.

[livejournal.com profile] sundart - your mission should you choose to accept it is to ride my ass until I get Mom's paperwork signed, notarized and sent back to Stanley. Apparently no one's been able to get into the family deposit boxes since Mom's death 'cause Vicki and I are holding up the paperwork. And I don't want to be the last one in.

Dad is rather disgustingly thrilled to have me home this weekend - couldn't wait to show off his new toy, which is a rather... large... plasma flat panel in the front hall. *boggle* Okay, I don't usually go for the whole HDTV plasma thing (I like my TV in the proper proportions, thanks) but, this things pretty schway, I'll have to admit, and Dad clearly is enjoying the opportunity to show it off. That man and his love affair with JandR OMG Gadget World, I tell you... Hmmmph. We should have brought the Playstation instead of the SNES. He is also singlehandedly supporting the picture frame industry, as the number of framed 8x10s and 5x7s strewn around the first floor have well, spawned. It took me a good half an hour to carefully clear the ones off the top of the piano and stack them in the living room. Seriously, Dad apparently has never heard of a little thing called the photo album, though I suppose that's Mom's fault, as she started it by putting everyone's picture up in the dining room... it's just... spread. *chuckle* And the piano, shockingly enough, is only a little flat in the lower register - even the dodgy middle E which tends to stick a bit in the winter didn't complain - though my ears did. Ouch. I need practice. *sigh* really, I just need to take lessons again. I miss piano.

Tomorrow should be fun... lots of subway, lots of just... stuff. And of course the Nintendo Store. Lets hope the hey, ho, wind and the rain will have cut itself out by then. But for now - talk to [livejournal.com profile] sydneycat since she's OMG awake??? sheesh. :)

take two

Jun. 23rd, 2003 07:39 pm
kjpepper: (contemplative hex)
I was just sitting down to post when a thunderstorm decided to break violently around our little house. I shut off the pooter like a good little technogeek, and immediately ran into my room where I thoroughly enjoyed and then was lulled to sleep by the banging crashing and platter of one of these forty minute weather tantrums called scattered T-storms around here. I was awakened to [livejournal.com profile] sundart petting my head and a blue sky, as if Nature was playing innocent. What thunderstorm? There wasn't any thunderstorm! . . . What? Oh, why all this water's on the ground? Um . . . well, you know those military folk over at Westover Air Force Base? They're experimenting with new super-soaker technology . . . ok, fine you got me, I did it.

heh heh

A fairly uneventful day besides. I discovered this morning that it is possible to coast all the way from the Smith art museum to just past the railroad bridge without either pedaling or braking. And while I was zooming down Main Street, I saw these two women getting out of a car - one was somewhat shorter, with long hair and glasses, one was taller and blonde, wearing a long black raincoat and boots, and had half her hair caught up away from her face. They looked exactly like [livejournal.com profile] inle_rah and [livejournal.com profile] gossamer_gull and I was going to yell "Hey, what the hell are you guys doing here?" and then I passed them and it was these two middle aged women, but they still looked a lot like them. It's not the first time something like that had happened to me - when I was a kid I'd run into adult versions of my friends all the time. It was pretty strange . . .

My mother has sent me an exasperated email about how she's having trouble reaching me. Some people are so incredibly dense. Consider this - the last time I talked to her was when I posted last Tuesday and she had been really mean to me. If the last thing you had heard from someone was a quavery yet pissed off "Mother, that was the last thing I needed to hear. Goodbye." wouldn't you get the idea that that person didn't really want to talk to you, especially if you had been beastly and hadn't yet apologized? But no, it's my mother's parental right to make me feel guilty for not calling her, even if it is her fault. She's probably managed to block out the fact that she was an absolute horror to me last week. She'll probably call work tomorrow if she doesn't hear from me tonight, but she's been placed on the "direct to phone mail" list. so that tactic won't work anymore. What gives? honestly. She tells me to grow the hell up and stop being so "immatoor" and yet washes her hands of any accountability she may have, and still she expects unquestionable respect. Bah. Still haven't figured out what I what to do about it yet. Maybe I should email her back something curt and polite explaining how I don't really want to talk to her just now as she really upset me last week. Of course, that's liable to earn me another treatise on my own "immatoority," and how I'm overdramatizing things as usual, and I should just get over it and myself. Damn it all.

One of the things she said in a semi critical manner last week was how us UNIS kids were free spirits and we could just say anything to anybody. Yep. We were taught to speak our minds. What exactly is wrong with that? Gaaargh.

It's days like this that makes parts of me feel like that society in Logan's Run had the right idea, not letting people age past a certain point. Of course, that eliminates all the cool older people whose minds haven't calcified shut. Ah well. I guess this is another good reason why people like me should not run the planet . . .

**edited, as [livejournal.com profile] gossamer_gull pointed out that the "not" was missing. It was supposed to be there. Really.
kjpepper: (determined Igra)
My family does not consist wholly of noxious maladjusted turds.

Just got off the phone with the Amastan . . . They always have been in my corner, but are so intertwined and caught up with the family BS that I have trouble remembering that. I guess it's a little like how I used to eat bananas when I was little - eat around the yucky parts and throw them away . . . but enjoy the rest of the banana. Considering sometimes these bananas were pretty brown and bruised up, sometimes that meant I had precious little eatable banana left, but what parts were there were all the sweeter for it. Anyway. Stanley just told me that he missed me, he was concerned and worried about how the fact that I was uncomfortable within the family put a lot of distance between the two of us, and whatever I had to do to make myself comfortable enough to at least get back into touch with them, please do.

You know that feeling of how when you've been through absolute shit, how unconditional kindness from an unexpected source can unintentionally start up the waterworks? Yeah, I'm feeling a little bit like that now. *sniffle*

I'm done.

Jun. 17th, 2003 03:54 pm
kjpepper: (Ms. Thang)
"search your soul," she says, "and make sure that you have done nothing to provoke her. Maybe you could have asked. Maybe you could have done something different. Remember, she is older than you and must be treated with respect."

and then . . .

"You know what, I forgot to tell you something. You're a brat, Andee. Tee hee hee! I can't believe you took up half an hour of long distance on this issue."

This from my own mother.

Why the hell do I even bother?

July 2009



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