kjpepper: (Joel McHale)
  • New sneakers showed up today! Just to give you an idea of how it was past time for new ones: Old 'n' Busted vs New Hotness ) Yeah, I kinda wear these damn things into the ground. Course to be fair, I got the last pair about four years ago.

  • Was editing my own writing earlier this morning for a Super!Seekrit! project I'm working on... D: D: D: Hi... my name is Andee... and... I... I abuse ellipses.... No seriously, it's embarrassing. I need to embrace, love, grok, cherish and accept the comma as my new Lord and Savior.

  • You know what else is embarrassing? How frigging out of shape I am. I dragged my old step bench out of the sunporch a few weeks ago and ordered replacements of the tapes that went with them off of Half.com (you can probably guess which ones, but I'm not going to say 'cause I know y'all are gonna make fun of my ass)... once upon a time, I could do this barely breaking a sweat, advanced level, all three risers. Now getting through it on the beginner levels on just the bare bench is a struggle, and leaves me hurting for two days. Oh HAYLL no. Recent surgery and fifteen years of aging be damned, this is NOT acceptable.

  • disgusting weather continues to be disgusting. Plan on ignoring it as much as possible, streaming a movie or two off of Neflix and trying to get more done. Can't sleep, to-do list will eat me. Can't sleep, to-do list will eat me...

  • IT'S FRIDAY. Y'all know what that means: EW in the mail and The Soup later on tonight. Funny, the little things that keep us sane from week to week, no?

ETA: also, via [livejournal.com profile] karnythia: FACEPALM WORTHY DUMBASSERY. Snarktastic and wonderful response!
kjpepper: (Default)
Good news: I ain'ten deaf. Apparently the bounced hearing test during my physical was a fluke, cause after putting me in a claustrophobic little soundproof booth and shooting all manner of bleeps, bloops and static at me, my hearing was declared perfect. So the problem I've been having processing input is a software issue, not a hardware one. *sigh* grand. Cause I need more things wrong with me brainmeat.

Bad news: Today isn't over yet, work is still steadily devouring me, I'm still broke as hell (thus no tasty tasty barbecue for me today *sob*), and now we can add tired and overheated to the mix as due to PVTA's wonky scheduling around lunchtime there wasn't a bus running back downtown from Florence, so I walked the two miles back to the office. It's kinda interesting how two miles is like nothing in New York, and yet is interminable around here. Oh well. At least I got a fun picture of that sign on the way back. And passed lots of yards with overabundances of ripening tomatoes. Yay home grown produce.

Good news: Beetlejuice at the Friday Night Rewind tonight! And diner beforehand.

Bad news: Did I mention the day still isn't over? *sigh* Miles to go until I sleep. Or go home. Or something. Graagh.
kjpepper: (kind hearted woman)
I keep forgetting that being sick tends to be a message from the body to the brain roughtly equivilent to LAY DOWN AND REST, BITCH.

Just saying... a day of alternating curling up and reading/sleeping with rotting my brain farting around on the internet seems to be just about what I needed right now. I'm feeling a lot less like repeatedly microwaved poop and more like a person.

Off to do some more reading/sleeping. Attempting again to get through Perdido Street Station. Much less impenetrable the second time around.
kjpepper: (Tenna (anxious))
Okay, this whole feet swelling thing is getting ridiculous. There is no earthly reason why my feet should have puffed up nearly twice their diameter this morning. The Hell.


[ANDEE checks weather.com and clicks the interactive radar map. A map of western and central Massachusetts appears, in standard pretty radar map shades of dark greens and browns.]

ANDEE: huh. Looks clear. I thought they said we were gonna have the gigantor of all holy crap rain/hail storms up in here later. Huh. Weathermen. They lie. [pause] hmm. there's a bright green splootch in the corner of the map there...


ANDEE: [zooms out a little. Now bits of eastern New York State are visible along with more splootches] Aw, come on, those are tiny. We're not going to get anything from those.


ANDEE: [Zooms out until all of New York state is visible, revealing that the entire northwest half of the state is covered in a HUGE spleedlysplootch containing varying angry shades of bright green, yellow and red]


kjpepper: (srsly...wtf?)
... from the wall of George Carlin obits. Maybe my friends list represents a particular humor demographic, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one with twelve entries out of the last 20 on that page being salutes to the cantankerously funny old man.

HOLY GOD. What possessed me to schedule four medical type appointments all on the same day? INR and actual blood draw this morning, then at 3:15 back to the hospital for a follow up with my hematologist, and then back down the hill for that appointment with chiquita banana that I missed last Wednesday. Oh yeah, and a busy workday too. Sheesh!

Well, INR is at least good - at 2.4. Ann's opinion regarding tattoos is that since if done right there isn't going to be a whole hell of a lot of bleeding, it should be okay, though she did say that none of my doctors were going to agree with her. (Love the honesty there.) She's going to research it more and get back to me next time I go in, which will be July 14th. So, if indeed it turns out I'm going to be on this stuff forever, what I'll have to do probably is have an INR the day before, my rat poison dose lowered accordingly, and make sure that whatever artist I end up going to (it'll most likely be Jeremy) is pretty fully briefed on the situation.

Blor. Need more coffee and to update my remember the milk stuff. I've been sorely neglecting my to-do lists.


Jun. 7th, 2008 06:24 pm
kjpepper: (PVTA)
I'm once again toying with the idea of buying a smith alum gym membership, as I just found out that while memberships are per calendar year, they're also prorated depending on when you buy it. it's $75 for the period between June 15 and Dec 31st. Seems pretty reasonable. Everyone else around the house seems to be tanking up, might as well join the bandwagon. Besides... I look good in muscles.
kjpepper: (Dreamy)
So reasons why tonight is KICKING EVERYONE'S ASS ALL THE TIME!

  • I did, indeed, walk the six miles to the mall. I expect to feel it more in the morning, but right now? I don't feel a thing. Well other than a couple of nasty blisters on the balls of my feet but still. (need better socks, methinks, as I doubt it's a problem with my sneakers.) Pretty much, me, outside, enjoying the day and the bike trails I was walking on, motoring to my "Good Shit" mix on my Zen. The sick part is, after I got there, I could have kept going. I probably could have gone straight on to Amherst if I wanted. I wasn't all that tired at the end... just a bit footsore. Go me.

    I have decided that my body seems to prefer being in motion, preferably for extended periods of time, which is why I tend to thrive on long walks, dancing through every song at Haven (thinking of going next week, btw, anyone up for flailing?) and bike rides into forever. But yeah, I always feel better if I get up and move, and stay moving, for about two hours. So I'm going to try to do that a few times a week. Course, I'm probably not going to attempt the longass hike again until my feet recover. Yowch.

  • I got to Cinemark at 7pm on the dot. Which meant I made my Iron Man show and since they've started showing the craptastic First Look and three million Coke commercials I didn't even miss any trailers. Unfortunately they were all ones I'd seen before, though I must say I am looking vastly forward to both The Incredible Hulk and, much as it shames me to admit it, You Don't Mess With the Zohan. I don't know, something about a muscle-icious Adam Sandler both frightens and intrigues me.

    Iron Man remains awesome on viewing #4. What made it even more sweet was the fact that two of the managers were working the box office at Cinemark when I got there, so guess who got to kick up her sore feet and admire the sublime sweep of the back of Robert Downey Jr's neck for free?** Yeah. Whose house? Andee's house. Aw yeah. Spent the money I would have on the ticket on one of those bathtubs of Cherry Coke and had a thoroughly enjoyable time.

    NOT A SPOILER ALERT. You know at the end of the movie when Agent Coulson tells Stark he's on in 90 seconds? yeah, I timed it this time for shits and giggles. It is exactly 90 seconds from when Agent Coulson says that to when Stark begins his speech.


  • Having some doofy white kid ask me how I got my hair to dreadlock. "I'm black, it kinda happens naturally." Cue sputtering. I'm such a stinker. But after that I had some fun before my bus home arrived thoroughly disabusing him of some alarming notions he'd clearly picked up at the Dirty Hippie School of Dreadlocking. Ew. Let me tell you, if it was true about the whole never ever ever washing your hair again while dreaded.... gah. I just can't.

    Ah well. My White Outreach quota has been filled for the week at least.

  • Coming home to a party of geeks gathered around our coffee table amidst an explosion of improvised props, dice and maps with [livejournal.com profile] anzovin at the helm. They're still down there, loudly casting Magic Missile and making bad bad jokes. Gives me the warm fuzzies, especially since it's probably the first time in a couple of weeks I've heard [livejournal.com profile] morlock actually laugh.

Tonight was a gift. Not only did I have an awesome evening, I have, for a few moments, been comfortable in my own head and body, and have temporarily regained my focus and equilibrium. I want to feel like this more, balanced, in control, and confident, not like the world is going to short circuit if I don't watch it vigilantly. Well, I start with the new therapist tomorrow - hopefully with a little help I'll get to this place more and perhaps stay a while. It's a good place.

And now, showering. Ye gods. After all that walking I am deez GUS ting.

** don't ask me why, but the back of the neck has always been my favorite part of the male anatomy.
kjpepper: (there it is)
  • INR = 2.6. Sharps container from the Lovenox injections finally disposed of. Don't have to see Ann again until the 23rd. Three whole weeks.

  • Twinky Assistant is listening to bad bad bad hip hop today. Oh gods.

  • Walked from the hospital to work this morning. Didn't break a sweat. Clearly I need to find longer walks. Or hillier ones. Maybe I'll walk to the Hampshire mall sometime this week. Something, cause I'm now 195lbs. WTF, body? Grrr.

  • Gonna experiment with getting at least 6 hrs of sleep at night. so... bed at 12, up at 6 (possibly with the exception of Wednesday, when I'm usually up earlier). We'll see if I can get through this week on that schedule.

  • I'm onto something with the direction I want to take with my web site, but I'm hitting a roadblock on the execution. Will work on that tonight.

  • I don't like who I am right now. At all. Going to spend the next little bit figuring out what needs changing so I can at least be okay in my own skin again. We'll see if new therapist will help with that, but the rest, I think is up to me.

  • I wonder if they started the Friday barbecue for lunch at Serios yet. See, another good thing about summer. Maybe if I find enough good things I might actually turn around my complete and utter loathing of the season this year. Maybe.
kjpepper: (base kleo)
  • So far the Allegra is made of fail. I'm going to wait and see on it for a few days, but the full blown allergy attack I had upon going to bed last night certainly was NOT what I had in mind when I switched up meds. I'm praying it's just a reaction to the last of the zyrtec leaving my system and the allegra not kicking in yet. We'll see where I am on Friday.

  • Had a weird dream where a bunch of geeks were telling me that the GLaDOS impression I've been cultivating for the past couple of weeks sucked and I should give up trying. Somehow in the dream I was really disappointed by this, apparently my subconscious is really attached to the idea of sounding like a psychotic computer.

  • Twinky Assistant started off with lounge again this morning, and has now switched to "le dance et le trance... nonstop!" If the light switch weren't on the other side of the room I'd be very tempted to throw a light switch rave. Also he's switched up his Adium sound theme to Super Mario World - listening to him IM people is much with the amusing.

  • You sorta have to feel sorry for the Mountbatten-Windsors. Of all the European royal families currently "in power" as it were, they kinda look like the rest of the families ruled by consensus to beat them all with the ugly stick with double hits administered by the Grimaldis.

  • Stepped on the scale last night for pewps and ha has, and yikes, yeah, my weight's been on an upswing - I've jumped to 192lbs. I've felt pretty bloated and sluggish for the past couple of weeks, so I now know I'm not crazy. I'm currently figuring out what I want to do about it, as I've got pretty triggery issues concerning things like diets, and no, saying it's for the purposes of "getting healthier" doesn't usually cut it with me, it still kinda freaks me the hell out. On the other hand, I'm wondering if trying to stick to some sort of goal or a plan might actually _help_ with that if it actually succeeds - a good part of my issues concerning my initial weight loss dealt with not feeling in control of my body, so maybe slimming down and toning up on my own terms might relieve that somewhat. Regardless, I definitely need to step up on the whole buying a Smith gym membership and slicing the sugar out of my diet again, as I really dislike being this, well, jiggly. That and there seems to be a general trend in the Amoeba towards getting all exercised... might as well join the bandwagon and see if I can't get back down to 175.

And now - back work and sniffling and hating the new meds.
kjpepper: (evil)
Is that a simpson's quote, that whole thing about "can't sleep, clowns will eat me?"

yeah, that's me right now.

Anyway, some icing for today's shitfest of a day - Stanley reminded me of something at dinner tonight... namely that there isn't a family history of Crohn's, but there is one of sarcoidosis. Since I can't sleep anyway, I did a little poking around on google and found that the two diseases when presenting in the gastrointestinal tract (which is rare, but possible with sarcoidosis) look pretty damn similar. So now I have to call my GI and be all like "So, lets talk about sarcoidosis..." and then probably get more tests to see a) maybe this is it instead and b) if that is the case, make damn sure it's not presenting anywhere else besides my small intestine.

Mother of god. I thought I was done with this shit. At least part of the fight with Dad earlier was me putting my foot down about the need to bounce back and forth to New York for testing by a handpicked by Dad himself specialist. Really, if it's between the pooping myself silly three times a day and the warm and fuzzy stress doing things according to Dad would cause me, I'm quite comfortable with the idea of moving a bookshelf into my bathroom.

I have a raging headache, my eyes are puffy, and I've never wanted my own comfy bed more than I do now.
kjpepper: (howdy)
So. Had my colonoscopy today. *chuckle* goddess bless nurses with children, I swear they tend to be a bit more patient and soothing on average than those that don't. And a special thank you to the nurse that completely distracted me from being nervous as I waited on the table with monitors and tubes coming in and out of me and first of all, made me laugh by entering the room, announcing I was too young to be there and to go home, and then had a conversation with me about generational perspectives on technology and computers (she was grandmothery age, so was interested in this sort of thing). Though this in no way slights Marty either - god, she was so sweet to me and made sure I was well taken care of. Guys, if you ever EVER have to deal with the indignity of a colonoscopy, go to Valley Medical Group instead of Cooley Dick if you can. I'm a little bowled over by how wonderful they were.

So the kinda icky news. The good is that my colon's pristine and nothing's wrong with it. The bad... well, the end of my small intestine's inflamed like fuck-all. At worst, it's Crohn's Disease. At best, it's just ileitis and there's a good chance that it might clear up on it's own.


Actually, it sorta makes sense if it's Crohn's. I got really sick in early November and it hung on until mid-december, and after that I stayed all weirdly weak and tired and then there's was the suddenly 40 pound deflation. So, like I said to [livejournal.com profile] anzovin last night when he was complaining about his own colorectal acrobatics after being sick, yeah that makes sense, since Crohns is an immune reaction type thingie and in that case its a "while we're up combating viruses and stuff, let's go attack some intestine. *rolleyes* Anyway, I was really sick, and a month afterwards I started the Patch, and there are studies (some conflicting) about a possible increase of risk for Crohn's with oral contraceptive users. (Doesn't say anything about non oral delivery BC, but it's the same stuff mostly.) So, I'm not crazy in insisting that the two might have been related... it just seemed a little too coincidental that I started messing with my hormones and one month later I lose the ability to digest food properly.

Really I'm kinda relieved about it now - I've got some kind of answer that can be treated, and maybe I'll feel better. And it definitely seems that Crohn's, while serious, doesn't seem to be this profoundly dire and horrible thing to have anymore due to advances in screening and medication. The thing that makes me kinda wonder about it more now is why so many people I know seems to have irritable bowel & more serious GI tract issues... I mean, I'd never even heard of Crohn's disease before C and I moved in with [livejournal.com profile] beatgoddess, and then one of our friends was diagnosed with colitis, and then C got IBS and then [livejournal.com profile] anzovin has Crohn's as well and... WTFM8? is there something in the water here in western MA?

Interesting note, Shannon Doherty apparently has Crohn's. Like, it's your turn, Heather.

Anycrap. The procedure itself was fine. This will be my second encounter with that crazy drug they give you to relax your muscles and has the side effect of oh, hey look, you won't remember any of this. (which isn't quite true, you remember bits and pieces.) Which I'm sort of annoyed about, because I really wanted to stay awake and watch the monitor while they were doing stuff. (they promised me pictures, though.) I guess it's fine this way though, cause I do remember one or two moments of being rather uncomfortable. And oh, thank $DEITY for [livejournal.com profile] morlock, who came with me this morning, distracted me from being nervous, exploited my punchiness in the recovery room by making me giggle a lot (the nurses found us really adorable, you could tell) then took me to the comic book store and then out for the first bit of solid food in over 24 hours. (BTW - when the hell did Wendy's start serving VANILLA Frostys???? $DEITY, but I swear, signs of the apocolypse are everywhere.... they're quite tasty, though the chocolate ones taste the best with french fries... no worries, followed it up with a slightly more healthy roast beef sandwich later.)

And now, something different than bitching about my various health crapola. a meme! )

Colon prep

Aug. 22nd, 2006 08:53 am
kjpepper: (growl bitch moan)
tmfi )
kjpepper: (nyeh! demongo)
So when my GI ordered and "Upper GI with SB series" for me, I didn't know jack about what I was getting into. (It sounds like some super souped up model of european luxury car, perhaps a BMW.) Turns out it's a series of x-rays taken from throat to large intestine, which requires the ingestion of "contrast media," aka, barium sulfate, which is this white chalky nastiness that tastes like overthickened pepto-bismol. I'm now waiting for about a quart and change of barium sulfate (NOT barium acetate... want some curry? no reason...) to work it's way through my system. glargh.

So I spent my morning in hospital johnnies (the ultimate in wash and wear cotton haute couture) drinking vileness, and periodically being told to hop on tables that rotated from upright to reclined and back around (remember that scene in Silence of the Lambs where Hannibal Lecter's wearing the hockey mask and they've got hims strapped to a table and he just kind of rises into frame and looks scary? yeah I felt like that.) and having my insides photographed with large-ass noisy machines that would probably make normal people claustrophobic. It was funny... I had a lot of time to lie around and think about how you can have the most wonderful support system ever, but when it comes to the really scary shit in life, you're on your own. There's a very alone feeling about being in a dimly lit room having an x-ray taken... I mean, even the tech leaves cause of y'know, radiation stuff. Hmm, I wonder what my reading on a gigercounter would be right now. But yeah.

Anyway. The procedure wasn't bad. just long. And the barium was nasty. And there was a lot of downtime in the middle and nothing to read but Readers Digest (*shudder*), so since I had a corridor to myself I practiced a couple of moves from belly dance class last night. Nothing sexier than doing hip circles in hospital johnnies. :)

The upshot of it all? Everything's showing up as normal. I mean that's technically good news, but it doesn't really get me any closer to figuring out what the hell's been wrong with me since November. And I kinda feel a little on the cheated... With all the machines and the barium and the no breakfast and the assininity, you kinda want something a little less anticlimactic than a "Looks like you're all set. You can go home now." :P Course, I don't think it was ever my upper GI that was the problem, but still. cut for tmi )

well, one down. One colonoscopy to go. :P


Aug. 8th, 2006 10:53 am
kjpepper: (phonepost)
Barium sulfate is one of the most repugnant substances known to humanity. And i had to drink it. :P
kjpepper: (Kenya)
so this post, hopefully will be quick quick.

So yesterday was [livejournal.com profile] morlock's nefarious plans for me and [livejournal.com profile] sydneycat, and they were fun indeed. first for [livejournal.com profile] sydneycat he got her a bright shiny [livejournal.com profile] htl_1126 and an evening to bask in her company. Then he and htl took us out to applebees (which was ok - our waitress was a bit of a space cadet and the food could have been better, but hey, chain restaurant) and then to the Moan and Dove, which I must admit I've been really wanting to go for a longass while, and that was excellent. For those of you that don't actually live here, the Moan and Dove is a bar in Amherst with a positively obscene selection of bottled beers and a warm cozy atmosphere for people to come drink, read or hang out with friends. And in my case, get sauced enough to be silly. I had this Belgian Lambic peach flavored beer that was utterly wonderful, quite a bit of [livejournal.com profile] sydnecat's cider, and finished [livejournal.com profile] morlock's Cape Codder, which I probably shouldn't've, but hey, I'm starting to really develop a taste for vodka. :) Anyway, a very good time was had by all and then I got to take the bear home with me for some very yummy curl up and be very cozy and happy time.

Paragraph. :) This morning I woke up early, which sorta pissed me off because I have a VERY long day today - work, then doctor (hallelujah, I am off the damned dairy restriction!), then back to work, then 6:30 to 11:30 at cinefart. Eep.

Speaking of that... really, the thing I really won't have to do after today is keep track of what I eat, which was a pain in the ass. I'm not going back to a pizza and ice cream binge or anything. I'm rather glad I cut severly back on the dairy consumption, really, it was one of those things I meant to do for a while. I mean, I didn't entirely manage to stop, there was a fair amount of accidental and intentional cheating in the past couple of months - the occasional coffee or baked thing or chocolate. But I've stopped getting cheese on or in things, and I've started paying attention to labels and avoiding stuff with dairy in it. And you know what? I don't miss it all that much. I didn't even miss the candy much after the first couple of weeks. So this did help quite a bit. And I think I'll continue to be careful about it.

Also in the course of the last two months I've figured out other stuff that fucks with me. Eggs, believe it or not. I remember being all incredulous all over [livejournal.com profile] timarok years ago when he said he had an egg allergy... well I don't know if I have an allergy, but I do know that eggs definitely fuck with me. Especially in the form of mayonnaise. I can't even eat the fake stuff, I just react rather violently to it. And eggs by themselves bother me too - the couple of times I had scrambled egged it disagreed with me. And of course, there's the caffiene problem, which I have to kick all over again, but that definitely messes with me as well. All stuff I'm going to bring up to the doc later today.

Lastly... I got a reply this morning. Two actually. The first one was the expected pissyness in reaction to sending the email in question around the family, so there was some eyerolling and "Whatever" to that... but a couple of hours later I got a reply to my missive of fiery pwnage. It contained the apology I asked for, and a rather detailed explanation of the pent up frustration that drove the original message. And a few other things that had me sobbing this morning. Not from anger or sadness, just... I don't know. Relief? Not exactly... *sigh*

I don't fucking know. My family drives me utterly bonkers, anyone that knows me will confirm this in triplicate. I guess what's messing me up is that pretty much the sentiment I've gotten back from everyone is that if I'm willing to repair the bridges I've ... well, scorched over the past few years, they will be waiting on the other side and willing to try to relate to me as the person I am now, not so much the kid I used to be. It's just going to be a monumental process to do that and it's going to be on me to come clean about some things I have been hiding, and I'm still wondering if it will be worth it. Maybe? Arrrgh.

Well, so much for being quick with the postings. The point being I'm here. Just busy.


Apr. 29th, 2006 03:26 am
kjpepper: (underpants!)
I really am kinda screwed this week in the computer department - I either have power but no wireless signal (btw, thank you [livejournal.com profile] anzovin for the loan of your AC adapter) or plenty of signal but no power. Is quite annoying. but a lone thread of sydmor's network is trailing down here, so I'm riding that for all it's worth, even if I have to sit in the hallway to do it.

Things are improving, but definitely turning in this whole fucking week at the end for a refund. No one should have to deal with the shit going on in dialup land + period + other crap all at once. Sheesh. But it seems all is finally settling down.

Period wise - went to the gyn today, saw actually another doctor than the first one I saw, and liked her a crapton better. Not that there was anything wrong with Dr. Hicks, she was very nice, it was just that Dr. Budnick was a lot less... I think the word I want is perfunctory? Anyway after chatting about the various period fuckery, she put me on the NuvaRing, saying it seems to have a different rate of hormone absorption, but to come back in three months to check on whether stuff chills out. Best thing though - I have samples! So I at least don't have to worry about paying for the damn perscription. At least until I know it's working out, or circumstances change (which they might soon... maybe *crosses fingers*). Whoo hoo. I'm a little leery of the ring itself and the idea of it actually staying put during shenanigans, but I had trouble believing the patch would stay on in the shower at first too. A body can get used to anything I suppose.

One of my favorite clients came in today and just about broke my brain with the coolest bit of geekage EVAR. He's a landscaper (and a park ranger, and frontman to a glam inspired europopesque disco group on the weekend) so his current project is taking a survey of all the trees in an area golf course. So he brings in this crazy Excel workbook full of data on all of the trees around each hole - what kind they are, where they're located (in latitude and longitude), what condition they're in and all sorts of other info on each tree. We won't talk about the bit where we both beat Excel into a raw bloody mess until it tapped out and did our bidding (I don't understand why Excel expects you to be a damned rocket scientist in order to do something as simple as just tabulating some data - we had to use some serious function fu), but we did eventually get it to spew out a pie chart representing the condition of all the trees in the course. The cool part though, is this guy exported all this data into text files, imported them into Google Earth Pro (which is the most amazing bit of software evar just on it's own merits) so what he ended up with was when he called up the golf course each tree was marked on the map, and you rolled over its mark and it basically gave you all of the data in the spreadsheet. So. Goddamn. Awesome. I mean... there were little tree buttons, and under them you could actually see the trees themselves casting shadows. But... I mean, you could do so many other cool things with an interface like that - I'm tempted to walk around with a GPS thingie and map out every single bus stop in the five college area just for the hell of it, you know? that could be really really REALLY useful. Not to mention I'm sure there are some geeks out there using this for scavenger hunts and live action pac man or something.

Anycrap. I should probably go back to bed, as I have to bravely go in and woman the phone tomorrow, and I really only got up to pee really. That and my butt's going numb from sitting on Theoden in the hallway.
kjpepper: (contemplative hex)
Sleep, Law and Order and Cornflake sludge definitely make for a content Andee, and even though it constitutes spending way more money than I probably should have upon reasonable reflective thought, I am rather excited about the Strangers in Paradise order I put in at [livejournal.com profile] modernmyths yesterday. I stopped collecting it with the "Heart in Hand" volume, meaning to pick it up again - nothing like being told that the trade editions are going out of print to light a fire under ones ass, and being a Collector, it is important that my editions match. Plus the new pocket format just looks dumb.

Does anyone out there reasonably close to me happen to have a copy of Octavia Butler's book of short stories? I have this story idea that's sort of a riff off of "Bloodchild" (I think that's what it's called, anyway - the one with the big bugs) and I'd like to reread it.

People on my flist are going through shit. Hugs to you all, hang in there! As for me, I'm better about stuff... I just have to talk to people now, and we all know how good I am about that. *sigh*

In other news I found out for sure when my GI appointment is (in a couple of weeks) and have an appointment this friday to discuss the crazy makins of my birth control, though just from the little bit of conversation I had on the phone, I don't really have too many options in terms of what I can switch to with a lower dosage of hormone-y goodness. I'm thinking at this point I may just go off it for a while and see if various and sundry improve. *sigh* Again, note to self, sanity + not feeling like crapoopla all the time definitely trump recreational activity, and I was never really a fan of tinkering with my natural hormonal goings on anyway.

Tinkering with my head though... Definitely going to take [livejournal.com profile] harinezumi's advice and ask shrinky-pie if there's something I can take for the sort of paralyzing anxiety I get about stuff, not something regular, but you know, for times like when I have to go to NY and see the fam, or actually have to get important shit done on time that I instead avoid for weeks/months. I'm sure they make something equivelant to courage/calm/confidence in a pill. Or at least something that will help...
kjpepper: (fabulous)
as if I wasn't already having trouble filling up my 100 icons, they slap legacy icons on me. Yikes. So now I have 112. And this is number 79. I've always held a fascination for the scary fake British Orbit girl.

alas, the day was not so fabulous... a piercing, skull shattering headache sent me home at 3:30 (granted I wanted to kinda leave then, but matters were (not) helped by the sensation of my eye having a 12 gauge needle shoved through it), and waiting for the bus I picked up a severe chill that I didn't shake until long after I'd come home and pretty much collapsed on sydmor's couch and had [livejournal.com profile] morlock pile blankets on me and fuss about my lack of foot covering and make me cocoa. Even with that it took me an hour or so to finally thaw out, and I still kinda feel shitty. But warmer now. Roasting, even. Still, that's about the fifth time this winter I've taken a chill that severe. Not fun.

there were good bits to my day though. I hate being ill, but I find it both touching and adorable when the sweeties fuss. I managed to sucker [livejournal.com profile] sydneycat into watching West Side Story with me on OnDemand when she came home from the gym (she'd never seen it before). and my bus ride on the way home was significantly better than the one to work, despite the splitting headache and the stomachache of doom. Mostly due to a couple of teenagers having an exchange so amusing it made me wish there was an Overheard in the Valley web site:

Guy1: Ew, scummy lake.
Guy2: Lake?
Guy1: okay... pond.
Guy2: That's a puddle at best!
Guy1: Yeah, okay it's a puddle. Trying to impress its girlfriend.
Guy2: Next thing you know it'll buy itself a harley davidson to compensate for its small size.
Guy1: and you know? That's just sad. Because a puddle really only has one purpose.
Guy2: To Get things wet?
Guy1: Exactly. And that puddle is fully qualified to do its job.
Guy2: Well then someone should go out there and tell it it's okay to be itself.

(they were referring to the yes, quite scummy catchbasin on thr JCPenney of the Hampshire Mall.)
kjpepper: (looking down)
I think it was Paul D in Beloved that constantly shrugged off compliments to his appearance with the line "Devil's confusion - he keeps me lookin' good when I'm feelin' bad." I was reminded of this upon running into someone I knew in downtown Northampton on my way to work and having her compliment me, even though I'm about as scruffy as I usually am when I go to work.

I've been getting those compliments a lot lately, and I'm pretty sure they're related to the recent nonconsensual weight loss, since it's quite visible these days. It kinda makes me want to rip out the complimenter's spleen and feed it to them instead of being gracious. Especially since the past three or four months I've been oscillating from barely okay to shitty both physically and mentally. (yes, going to the doctor on the 20th.) Really the only person that doesn't see me every day that seemed appropriately concerned was [livejournal.com profile] captainlove, who took one look at me on Valentine's day and was like "Hon? Have you been ill?" *snort*

cut for the squeamish )

And then there's the weird proto-dysmorphia I'm having about my body... last week I got on the scale for poops and hahas and discovered that for the first time since Smith, I'm under 200 pounds. Which is just crazy to me. My feelings about my own body image are much like my feeling about my favorite red pants, which are now totally two sizes too big for me (you know it's bad when you can pull out your waistband enough to see the floor down your pants leg), but there's that moment of denial and adjustement to the idea that I'm a lot smaller now than I was. I put on XXL t-shirts and can't understand for a minute how a size that was once comfy on me now seems tent-like. It's messed up and I hate it. I had finally gotten really comfortable with myself at 230ish, and now... I feel like I've been jacked out of the matrix and instead of being all gelled and leather clad with cool sunglasses and hey, look, hair, I'm all scruffy, wearing rags, combat boots, a buzzcut and have all these strange plastic/metal implants in my skin. Except my residual self image is thirty pounds heavier, stronger and a lot healthier. The fuck. I can see every single bone in my hands and wrists now, and it totally freaks me out.

And at the same time, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there was some small part of me that still buys into the glossy paged standard of beauty that gets in a Kermit the frog style yay before being roundly smacked by the rest of the denizens of my brain.

So yeah... I'm a little fucked up health and body image-wise right now, and the compliments are making me tweaky, unless they come from the usual suspects. And since I can't feed people their own spleens without them filing criminal charges, the most I can do is give up and say thank you or be mean and go, "yeah I know, I've been ill for the past four months" and throw them into a frenzy of backpedaling tailspin goodness.

In other news, I'm going out for hot drinks with [livejournal.com profile] lostinnocencia after work today! Yay, I get to see her before she takes off in a westerly direction!

July 2009



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