Just... feh

[kjpepper]

So I'm feeling kinda blah and listless. Not exactly bad, but I recognize this mood as the one immediately preceeding moody and antisocial, where I either want to disappear under all of my covers and sleep all day, or listen to mopey/goth/techno and do angsty things like write, or reread the uberangsty or ubernostalgic bits of my old journals. It's also the mood where I don't want to deal with anything as well as anybody - I've got a steadily growing to-do list I should probably deal with and accomplish at some point, but for the past 12 or so hours I've just been very non about everything. So add that to the growing sense of not getting a damn thing done... yeah.

I usually could say that things will probably get better after work today, but then I have to go to Beer and Assfuck with sundart right after work, which would be a total pain in the nütz were it not for the prospect of purchasing a cubic buttload of 6 oz. O'Soys and chicken for dinner tonight. And then there will be cooking. And then there will probably be difficult conversation with darkling_dreams that I started last night over the phone, and am not really looking forward to continuing, but . . . oh, well, get the hair. (birkwelch, you'd best be rolling...)

This certainly has been my week for difficult conversations. Had one with beatgoddess about timarok on Monday night before the piratical ridiculousness that kinda sucked as well but needed to be had. Maybe I'd be more comfortable having them if I weren't so prone to not only switching sides of the fence to appease the person I'm having that sort of conversation with, and then believing that was right for several hours after conversation was had. I wish I was better at sticking to my feelings instead of squashing them to keep everyone happy and liking me.

maybe I need to shut myself up in a cabin in the woods somewheres and hide from everything... and work on my plans for world domination or something.

Comments

Gee, this sounds familiar....

[gossamer-gull.livejournal.com]

switching sides of the fence to appease the person I'm having that sort of conversation with, and then believing that was right for several hours after conversation

In many of my relationships, I have tried to marry my ideas to the other person's -- to accept his/her views for the sake of keeping the peace (or restoring the peace, more often). Essentially, I'd cave. But this provided only a temporary solution, as my true feelings would eventually rise to the surface once more.

I wish I was better at sticking to my feelings instead of squashing them to keep everyone happy and liking me.

Stifling your true self only keeps people liking your false self. In bed. (Sorry, but that statement reads kind of like a fortune cookie, no?) Anyway, good luck sticking to your proverbial guns. (I almost typed "proverbial buns." Good luck sticking to those, too...I guess....)

do-over

[beatgoddess.livejournal.com]

I was really sad to hear that you are feeling sad. I also felt really confused and hurt about something in this post. Earlier I was so angry about it I posted a comment in response because you weren't picking up the phone at work. It was something that I kinda wished I hadn't posted, because it wasn't anyone else's business. But miraculously it didn't post...(either that or you deleted it) so this is like a do-over.

Feel free to delete this comment; I don't know what email address you're using now, so this is the best way I can assure that you'll hear this.

I love you.

Re: do-over

[beatgoddess.livejournal.com]

And in the process of telling you all that, I sounded weird and didn't say anything. I didn't mean to sound cryptic, I'm just concerned about something you said. Let's chat!