Blug.

[kjpepper]

I don't want today. Come to think of it I didn't want most of yesterday either. My emotional state has been steadily drilling its way into the floor with a little sign on its back that says "INDIAN OCEAN OR BUST." Seriously, I admire its dedication. And yesterday it just seemed to amass help in its cause along the way. Last night around bedtime I managed to work myself up so badly that my lungs began to get cranky with me again, and that just sorta sent me over the edge, cause I've been rather desperately buying into the fiction that I'm pretty much fine for the past few days. It's weird. I hate being sick, I hate being weak, I hate needing things from people and I hate having to ask for them. So I don't, and I try really hard to ignore the part of me that wants someone else to spoil and take care of me and to make it okay to take a break from trying (and failing, I might mention) to be Superwoman.

Fun.

Bad TV last night helped. Season finale of Rock of Hoes 2 (YAY!!!) and the premiere of Viva Hollywood, which was promising in the beginning but went on too long and I was feeling kinda eh about by the 1 hour mark (and fell asleep a little bit later) I'll give it another chance next week and if I still feel that way I'll give up.

I feel like I'm being called to step out of my comfort zone, to change something about my life... I just don't know what that change will be.