Well that's depressing

[kjpepper]

I was talking to booboo_berr this morning and made the observation that my world does not currently have a center. Which I realize is only true is some senses. Obviously not in the sense that I am the center of my own world, but I don't tend to think of that first - I don't really look at my world as a solar system revolving around me - rather I look at it more like a system upon which I am looking down, as my world is a collection of things that need my attention and care. I guess in that sense, the center of that world would be the things, interests or people upon which I lavish the most care and attention, and right now there's a void were there needs to be a gravitational force of some sort, with the resultant drifting off into space of everything else.

It's a bit of a stretch as a metaphor, I realize now, but it made total sense ten minutes ago.

arrrgh. *sigh* I do need to find a way of focusing, force something into that slot temporarily until something can live there permanently. I need something to throw myself into. I was talking to both morlock and Chiquitita about how I have a crapton of interests and projects and never feel like i have the time and attention to give each the care and devotion they require, and yet I can't let them go because I do cycle back to them eventually, and there's a constant parade of new things that attract my attention and get incorporated into the rotation. Both of them have suggested trying to focus on a few of them for a limited time and forcibly putting the rest aside for that time, and then moving on to the next things at the end of the time set. I might do that, designate each month for a certain project to be my main focus, and so I don't get twitchy, have a couple of alternate things to work on as well. A month is about all the focus I've got in me for long projects, I swear. People on the other hand... those can occupy my attention for years on end. Generally it's been other people that have been the center of my world for as long as I can remember. Right now, for various reasons, no one quite fits there anymore.

Yeah I know, maybe I should try focusing on myself for a change. but... <whine>I'm really bad at it...</whine>

Anyway. We'll see how that works. Right now I've got work to get to.

Comments

[johannah-rose.livejournal.com]

You need a hamster.

[kjpepper.livejournal.com]

They are cute, it's true. But I can barely keep my three plants alive. I'd rather not be responsible for something that can't at least tell me when to feed/water it.

That and the cats would probably eat it.

[kjpepper.livejournal.com]

oops. I posted a reply to you, but it landed in the wrong place. See my comment below.

[nekosensei.livejournal.com]

I was going to say...if you didn't have any pets, you should get a cat. Believe me, when they need food or water, they'll let you know! When it's time for dinner, my two cats will start circling like sharks.

[kjpepper.livejournal.com]

oh trust me. My Valentino (aka Dumb Blond Boyfriend) will get into bed with me and make a hairy cuddly nuisance of himself at 3:30 am if his bowl's empty.

[johannah-rose.livejournal.com]

I had a hole where my center should be once, and my dog filled it nicely. A dog might be better, because they take time and energy in a way most pets don't.

[kjpepper.livejournal.com]

scared of em.

[11th-letter.livejournal.com]

For all I know, this might depress you more...but I look at the solar system of my life the same way that you do.

[johannah-rose.livejournal.com]

I used to be too.