kjpepper | Forsaking all others... why? (Reply)

sex is natural. sex is good. Not everybody does it, but everybody should. Okay, seriously fagalicious moment aside, I've got a bee in my bonnet. Or rather, in my pants? Who knows. But it's about sex, and relationships and that sort of thing...

So here's my stance on the situation. I like sex a lot. I like getting a lot. I like giving even more. I enjoy the headrush that comes of rendering someone into a noodle. It's like the bumper at the end of the X-files, where you hear the little kid say "I made this." Yeah.

However.

I don't think it has the be-all and end-all of what defines a relationship.

I don't know. I've been running my head up against the wall of "normal" monogamy at least a couple of times this past week. I suppose it helps that I'm equally mystefied by the concept of having the biggest testement to commitment be restricting yourself to only one sexual partner as other people seem to be about the fact that I am completely okay with my partner having a boyfriend and she's okay with me having a long-distance fucktoy. sorta. (sorta fucktoy, not sorta okay.) There are much more important things to base a relationship on out there. Honesty. Loyalty. Trust. Whether you can have a decent conversation with the other person. You'd be surprised how many relationships are out there where none of those things are present, and though the sexual limitation is quite firmly in place, since the previous four are not present, the fifth means nothing - especially as cheating tends to happen pretty rampantly. And then there are the folks that have kittens when they catch partners doing things like masturbating, watching porn... different rant though.

I don't get it, really. It's selfish and self defeating to think that one person can completely satisfy one other person's every need. I'm not just thinking sexually either - I mean, really just because you find Mr/Miss/Ms/Misr Right doesn't mean you abandon your friends. Well, sometimes that happens. But you really can't have all of your stimulation come from only one source, be it sexually, conversationally, or just relationship-y.

I'm not saying I'm against monogamy either though. It is a workable option, and hey, if you are so crazy about a person you would literally give up everything for them, that's awesome. I'm just against the fact that it has to be required, like the actual relationship is completely negated because one or more parties thinks outside the box as it were. Add to the fact that monogamy is traditionally only something respected and practiced by women (and not really by their own choice, but more to preserve male lines of inheritance - the men were fucking around as much as they pleased.) and you've got a whole other can of worms of why I have a problem with it being one of the defining concepts of a relationship.

Sigh. I'm rambling and not making much sense. I'm annoyed with this issue, but I'm also annoyed with the fact that I can never seem to express myself clearly about it.

Here's me right now.

sundart and I were monogamous for a damn long time - until just after college really. But for even a long time after that, we were morally polyamorous, and established the "ask first" rule: ask if you can play with another person, then come home to me and tell me all the juicy details. Respect it if I say "no you can't." This has proven to work well in practice as well as in theory, much to our pleasant surprise. I think what the important definition is in our relationship is trust - trust that the other person is going to check in, trust that if the other person's going to play, that they're going to be safe, trust that the other person's going to come home and let you know what's going on. It's probably good that we were monogamous for so long, building up that level of trust, and i honestly think that's why most polyamorous relationships don't ultimately work - there's not enough trust and communication built up to sustain them, and thus they fall prey to the same things that kill monogamous relationships.

Feh. Head explody. Will rant more about this later.

Comment please - I'd like to know what everyone thinks about this, and whether I've made any sense about this at all.