kjpepper | um...

As I mentioned, my Giftmas present from

anzovin was one of those memory foam mattress pads. Upon opening it, I noticed this little card carefully tucked into the cellophane wrapping:

Thank you for purchasing this Carpenter Co. Product. We know that it will provide you years of comfort. Upon removing it from the packaging, you may notice a newness scent. In order to maximize your enjoyment of this product, it is recommended that you air it out for eight or more hors in a well ventilated space before using to allow the newness scent to completely dissipate. Although unlikely, some people may find themselves hyper-sensitive to the newness scent, in which case you may wish to discontinue use and return the product to your retailer.

"Newness scent" is clearly the new way of saying "Your product reeks like an vibrating mattress liberally anointed with the perfumes and fluids of a thousand cheap hookers in a rundown motel that rents by the hour." (Also known as "new car smell.") Phoughglorgk! Guess it's a good thing I wasn't really planning on sleeping tonight.

I am grimly satisfied, however, that despite dropping my box spring onto my sore foot, I managed to get the bed back together with little incident all by me onesies. The weak bit seems to be holding for now. At least it's now on the foot end on the side I don't sleep on, so it should be okay provided no one uses it for a trampoline. It's so weird having a proper bed again - I'd gotten so used to the mattress and boxspring on the floor idea that this thing looks ginormous by comparison. Hopefully it will hold up for the next little while, but in the meantime, when I have a moment I'm going to start looking into places that do furniture repair in the area, if such things exist. It's a nice solid bed frame, and I'd like to do whatever possible to save it.

Right. "Newness Scent" is making my eyes water. Clearly it is time to escape it and go do the dishes.