(no subject)

Last night was rough. Didn't end up getting to sleep until almost 6:30. Called in a few minutes before, so around noon I have to see whether I'm actually going to make it to work or call the day a wash. Listing towards the latter anyway, since I had to roll my carcass out of bed just now. I have something I have to take care of today (non negotiable, it either gets done or it doesn't) so I'm going to try to get that settled and then come back and collapse.

I feel like a witness to a train wreck right now, one who saw the train careening down the track at a speed faster than healthy... no. I think I'm on the train, and we haven't crashed yet but something's obviously wrong. What do you do at that point? Do you keep still and quiet and hope for the best? Try to stop the train even though it may be impossible? Try to keep other people from getting hurt? The devil of it is that if you survive when the train at last crashes, you always go back over whatever you did decide to do, and you punish yourself because in retrospect, there was always something more you could have done, or something completely different. Or maybe your course of action ended up harming more than helping. The point is... you always forget about how there was no way you could have possibly seen a different course of action than you did at the time.

blergh. Gotta go wage war against state bureaucracy now.