This makes no sense

So my doc called back. She's calling in a scrip for anti-anxiety meds for me. Except guess what? I'm now freaking out about that.

I'm trying to look at it this way - if I can get calmed down enough to deal with and resolve all the crap that's currently stressing me out - and there is a lot of it - then maybe this is a good, helpful thing, and then after shit calms down, I can wean my way off.

Gods. After payday I need to schedule an app with chiquitita. I feel like August just got completely derailed in the health and stress departments. :(

Well grand. two more meds to worry about. *sigh*

anecdote

I just remembered a conversation I had with Dad that struck me as particularly amusing last week... we were swapping "war stories" (which is what I call any conversation with him where mutual bitching about medical stuff happens) and I was telling the story of how the techs at CDH gave me the choice of learning to give myself lovenox injections or stay in the hospital for a couple more days. Dad expressed something along the lines of being glad he never needed insulin injections for his diabetes, as he is actually quite needlephobic and even though he's been doing it for 20 years, isn't okay with sticking his fingers even. I think at that point I was all like "Eh, needles don't bother me really... considering when I was 7 or 8 I used to play with your lancets."

Which is true, BTW. I was a bored little kid, and fascinated with the fact that Dad had this pen type device that you'd press into your fingers, hit a button and then wow, just this tiny little well of blood. It didn't really hurt even. I was always careful to clean up after myself, so Dad - very apparently, by the look I got - was never the wiser until now. "What? it was twenty years ago, you can't spank me for it now."

No, but he could laugh uproariously for about five minutes instead.

I tell ya, parents are way more fun to be around when you're an adult.

moar pills

Somebody somewhere has an icon containing sad monkey Zoloft bubbles, or has seen one, or knows someone with one. I seem to need one.

I am now in possession of two small bottles containing generic Zoloft and Ativan that I have to take before bed tonight. I'm incredibly conflicted about this, as I've never been on head meds before, and while I realize that right now I seem to need them, it's still not an easy thing to wrap my head around. But hey, if it shuts up the panic attacks for a little while... yeah, that would be a good thing.

I did okay today. Had a couple of minutes of dizzy heart raciness, but immediately distracted myself with holy shit work. No coffee. I'm amazed I'm conscious. I think crashing at 11 might have helped, so I'm gonna try to be conked out by midnight tonight and see what that does for me.

Tweets for Today

Andee...

• 06:45 kept getting woken up periodically by large vehicles passing my house and sirens. Wonder if the neighborhood arsonist struck again?

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