kjpepper: (evil)
[personal profile] kjpepper
jack rabbit dildo - Is this whimsically shaped or just really really fast?

seven days - Cause automatically if you read this spam you will die.

Sex in the City Vibrator ToY - Now that's cross marketing. :) I mean, hey, if Hello Kitty and Winnie the Pooh can do it...

Become an email spy! - yeah I can just picture someone with too much free time clicking through all that extra pilfered email. The rhythm of the clicking is alarmingly reminiscent of the James Bond Theme. Or worse, Mission Impossible.

Great Sex Toy For A Woman - Today's theme, kids, sex toys! Now, lets discuss this cucumber...

unlimited intercourse - ya know, you do have to stop sometime to eat, and maybe pee.

an intricate, pleasant song - Great. Now even JS Bach is spamming me. Toccata and Spam in Junk Mail minor.

tired of ice cream? - What sort of idiotic question is this? And why is it in my email box?


Obviously I haven't shopped at Amazon.com or surfed porn enough to warrent good email landing in my hotmail box, just a crop of surreallist compliments and the random tea parties, so I've decided it's time to branch out into other venues. Like my never checked Smith mail for example. Amid the three million ads from a place called Spamhaus (and I hear their bratwurst is quite good as well) were these little gems:


touch his eyebrows - dear god, the internet has corrupted the sactity of the brow for its nefarious porno purposes. Will it never end? What next? Elbows?

Sell Your Body to Science - and while you do so, capture it live every evening with webcams and charge $3.00 per minute to watch.

We're In This Love Together - Yes, yes, I have wild passionate lovins with my junk mail every day. Don't you?

are you sitll mad at what i did? - no, I'm still mad 'cause you can't spell "still."

If you're tired of online dating, let FindRomance help you. - How about not. I can find my own romance quite fine. I use Google.

Claim Your Free Gas - You know, I get enough gas after a milkshake, I really don't think I need to claim any more.


Grand prize of weird junk mail of the month goes to a message that managed to bypass the spam filter on my work email. With the filter bypass randomness edited out, here is the email:

Subject: important say yes, multiple times a day

I hated to paralyze that policeman, but he might have sent a
bullet after me

-----Original Message-----
Subject: we deliver for you.

> So, if we had the wings, we could probably fly as well as they 
> do--as least while we are in their country and under the spell 
> of its magic
Some things defy both explanation and ridicule.

<shameless plug>Past Junk Mail can either be found on my web site (sporadically updated), or in my Memories (slightly more likely to be updated)</shameless plug>
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