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kjpepperParsippany. Do little truckstop towns in NJ ever have nice normal names?
Anyway, greetings from the "business center" of the hotel I'm in. There are four compys in here, one very tired chickie and five clocks, each precisely labelled "Eastern," "Central," "Mountain," "Pacific," and inexplicably, "Dusseldorf." <margaretcho'smom>Because-uh, the Jarman? They like-uh New Jarseee. They do! They like it SO much!</margaretcho'smom> Uh huh.
and it's <joe-pantoliano>frik-in cold in here.</joe-pantoliano>I'm going back to my room and getting a sweatshirt now....
ah, much better. that and I think I figured out how to tweak the thermostat in here.
So. Talk about a long-ass frustrating day. By rights I should be asleep by now, since t3h crazy sis woke me up at 7am this morning, a heartbeat after my alarm went off. Somehow between 7 and 11 I got assigned the task of handling the programs for the services tomorrow (today?), and thus four more hours of my precious life got whiled blissfully away at Kinkos. I'm only being sarcastic not becuase I didn't want to do the program (it's nice to feel useful for something, and since I am the photoshop goddess and pagemaker demigoddess... yeah) but because once I got everything laid out, I first wound up short money and had to call my other sister (I'll just hold my tongue about the insistence on a color pic on the front. 200 programs, do the math.) then had to spend a grueling couple of hours dealing with recalcitrent copiers and unhelpful staff. On a fairly empty stomach. The programs came out gorgeous but ye gods, how stressful. Thing number one I shall never complain about again - the service at Paradise Copies. Or my experience working there. At least I know how to unjam a copier.
No rest for the wicked, upon getting home I had to get dressed for the viewing tonight, pack up stuff for the hotel tonight (we're staying here a couple of nights just so everyone's in one place for the 10 am service tomorrow. (whose idea was that? On second thought never mind... it might be good to get this over with while I'm half asleep)) and haul ass to the funeral home. Thing number two I shall never complain about again - the fresh cow stench of Hadley at least has a good honest organic reek to it you know? not like the swamp and chemical pollution cum oil refinery stink of the New Jersey Turnpike. Wow.
The viewing was... exactly. "Dot dot dot" just kinda covers it. Mom would always say after every single funeral we had to attend on Dad's side of the family how she wanted a closed casket at hers, because, and I quote, "I don't want everybody looking up in my face." But they arranged an immediate family only viewing, mostly for Dad's sake... It's weird, sad, and oddly moving to see Dad so vulnerable and emotional. He is just so utterly lost without Mom. Just before we were all about to leave he was complimenting me on my work on the collage. "I'm glad they found you something to do... I've had your Mom on my mind, cause I didn't have anything to do." And he really didn't, the Valkyries and Stanley took care of everything. I mean, Dad hasn't left the house since Sunday, and that's really saying a lot for a man who normally can't sit still or stay cooped up in the house.
At the viewing he was so shaky. He just kept repeating softly to himself "Alma isn't coming home. Alma isn't coming home." And later, he told Anucha and me "she kept saying to me 'Al, I wanna go home. Al, take me home.'"
I think hearing that was the single saddest moment of my life.
As for me... it's slowly starting to sink in that Mom's gone. The viewing was rough, people never look quite right when they're dead. Even if she didn't look quite like herself, she at least looked peaceful. This morning I finally got an account of what had actually happened Sunday morning, and the way Vicki tells it, I think she just finally had enough of the endless round of cancer treatment, she'd had enough of not being about to care for herself anymore, and she just kinda sneaked out when no one was looking late that morning. And judging by the stuff I've felt in the house since I've been there... she made it home after all. Still. I'm glad I'm on my own tonight - I can't be hysterical in front of them. I get my own hotel room where I can quietly fall apart on my own, which is how it needs to be, damn it, cause everyone that's any good at actually comforting me in is Massachusetts right now. *sigh* Well,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jaicat's in the City. Hon, we have to get together before I run from the City screaming - I'll keep you posted.
But on to slightly cheerier stuff.
So post viewing was driving to hotel (in parsippany!) and then Stanley and I drove off in search of food for all and sundry, since everyone was stressed, hungry and hadn't eaten in hours. Lo and behold, several blocks away from the hotel is a Fuddruckers, which is only the best burger joint evar. Unfortunately it was 9:58 when we got there and they closed at 10, but luckily when I mentioned we had a funeral's worth of hungry souls (boy that just sounds wrong) they were all like "Of COURSE you can place an order." Stanley and I had apparently hit the mother lode. And we're going back tomorrow. This time with beer.
The rest of my evening was hanging with the family and gobbling, watching the Sox win and the subsequent expected riots in Boston (I both wish I was and am glad I am so not in MA right now) and padding out to the parking lot to peek at Momma Moon veiling her face in deep red. I've also been running around the hotel and saying hello to relatives I hadn't seen in upwards of 5 years. Two of my Aunts. Grandma Ruthy, who is still quite spry for being a tiny birdlike elderly creature. My relatives are all complaining about how I'm making them feel old. Such is life, I was sort of in the severely younger end of Grandma's grandchildren, the babies of that generation, so to speak. *rolleyes* and now here I am, 26. Grandma said I grew up movie star pretty though. ;)
And yes, tonight I officially have Fisher Price® My First Solo Hotel Room™. I think I ended up getting one because the Valkyries assumedsundart was coming down. Pity really, she would have liked the suite I'm in. Yes, all the rooms here are suites, with like kitchens and stuff, it's cool. But anyway mine has a 15' window. WITH A WINDOWSEAT. And it's mine, all mine! No touchy.
Having my own room also means I have the run of the hotel tonight. Case in point, me being down here gleefully exploiting the complimentary T1 access. Noooooooo, I don't have an internet addiction, whatever gave you that idea? Seriously - I'm rather cherishing the time alone, and also kind of shaking my head at the irony that I'm sleeping alone tonight when I was usually the person shacking up with Mom when the lot of us were taking over wings of hotels like this (She'd never approve of this, by the way - I can just hear her worrying about me being down here all by myself and wibbling about "strange men wandering the halls.") There will be precious little me-time tomorrow, so I'm venting here, crying a little bit, and just sort of regrouping and gathering strength for tomorrow. "One paw in front of the other," as Bosslady and her dogs would say. Same idea presented in a chant/song/meditation I actually picked up from Starhawk, that time she was at UMass for a ritual a few years back:
Every step I take is a healing step
Every step I take is a healing step
Healing healing healing my body
Healing healing healing the land.
Either way, it's gotten me this far into the week, it just has to get me a bit farther. It will help a lot that Mom's casket will be closed and it will be mostly Christian stuff happening tomorrow that I have no real point of reference towards, being the Godless heathen I was and still sort of am, in Christian terms, anyways. Yes, I know that was an odd, completely ungrammatical sentence, but nyeh, I'm tired. Anyway, at the end of the long tunnel of tomorrow, there is a date with Stanley and a black 'n' tan at Fuddruckers.
Anyway, I gotta go get some sleep if I'm indeed meeting Dad for breakfast at *cry* 6:30 this morning.
Heh. If we were in Dusseldorf, the service would already be starting.
Why Dusseldorf?
g'night.
Anyway, greetings from the "business center" of the hotel I'm in. There are four compys in here, one very tired chickie and five clocks, each precisely labelled "Eastern," "Central," "Mountain," "Pacific," and inexplicably, "Dusseldorf." <margaretcho'smom>Because-uh, the Jarman? They like-uh New Jarseee. They do! They like it SO much!</margaretcho'smom> Uh huh.
and it's <joe-pantoliano>frik-in cold in here.</joe-pantoliano>I'm going back to my room and getting a sweatshirt now....
ah, much better. that and I think I figured out how to tweak the thermostat in here.
So. Talk about a long-ass frustrating day. By rights I should be asleep by now, since t3h crazy sis woke me up at 7am this morning, a heartbeat after my alarm went off. Somehow between 7 and 11 I got assigned the task of handling the programs for the services tomorrow (today?), and thus four more hours of my precious life got whiled blissfully away at Kinkos. I'm only being sarcastic not becuase I didn't want to do the program (it's nice to feel useful for something, and since I am the photoshop goddess and pagemaker demigoddess... yeah) but because once I got everything laid out, I first wound up short money and had to call my other sister (I'll just hold my tongue about the insistence on a color pic on the front. 200 programs, do the math.) then had to spend a grueling couple of hours dealing with recalcitrent copiers and unhelpful staff. On a fairly empty stomach. The programs came out gorgeous but ye gods, how stressful. Thing number one I shall never complain about again - the service at Paradise Copies. Or my experience working there. At least I know how to unjam a copier.
No rest for the wicked, upon getting home I had to get dressed for the viewing tonight, pack up stuff for the hotel tonight (we're staying here a couple of nights just so everyone's in one place for the 10 am service tomorrow. (whose idea was that? On second thought never mind... it might be good to get this over with while I'm half asleep)) and haul ass to the funeral home. Thing number two I shall never complain about again - the fresh cow stench of Hadley at least has a good honest organic reek to it you know? not like the swamp and chemical pollution cum oil refinery stink of the New Jersey Turnpike. Wow.
The viewing was... exactly. "Dot dot dot" just kinda covers it. Mom would always say after every single funeral we had to attend on Dad's side of the family how she wanted a closed casket at hers, because, and I quote, "I don't want everybody looking up in my face." But they arranged an immediate family only viewing, mostly for Dad's sake... It's weird, sad, and oddly moving to see Dad so vulnerable and emotional. He is just so utterly lost without Mom. Just before we were all about to leave he was complimenting me on my work on the collage. "I'm glad they found you something to do... I've had your Mom on my mind, cause I didn't have anything to do." And he really didn't, the Valkyries and Stanley took care of everything. I mean, Dad hasn't left the house since Sunday, and that's really saying a lot for a man who normally can't sit still or stay cooped up in the house.
At the viewing he was so shaky. He just kept repeating softly to himself "Alma isn't coming home. Alma isn't coming home." And later, he told Anucha and me "she kept saying to me 'Al, I wanna go home. Al, take me home.'"
I think hearing that was the single saddest moment of my life.
As for me... it's slowly starting to sink in that Mom's gone. The viewing was rough, people never look quite right when they're dead. Even if she didn't look quite like herself, she at least looked peaceful. This morning I finally got an account of what had actually happened Sunday morning, and the way Vicki tells it, I think she just finally had enough of the endless round of cancer treatment, she'd had enough of not being about to care for herself anymore, and she just kinda sneaked out when no one was looking late that morning. And judging by the stuff I've felt in the house since I've been there... she made it home after all. Still. I'm glad I'm on my own tonight - I can't be hysterical in front of them. I get my own hotel room where I can quietly fall apart on my own, which is how it needs to be, damn it, cause everyone that's any good at actually comforting me in is Massachusetts right now. *sigh* Well,
jaicat's in the City. Hon, we have to get together before I run from the City screaming - I'll keep you posted.But on to slightly cheerier stuff.
So post viewing was driving to hotel (in parsippany!) and then Stanley and I drove off in search of food for all and sundry, since everyone was stressed, hungry and hadn't eaten in hours. Lo and behold, several blocks away from the hotel is a Fuddruckers, which is only the best burger joint evar. Unfortunately it was 9:58 when we got there and they closed at 10, but luckily when I mentioned we had a funeral's worth of hungry souls (boy that just sounds wrong) they were all like "Of COURSE you can place an order." Stanley and I had apparently hit the mother lode. And we're going back tomorrow. This time with beer.
The rest of my evening was hanging with the family and gobbling, watching the Sox win and the subsequent expected riots in Boston (I both wish I was and am glad I am so not in MA right now) and padding out to the parking lot to peek at Momma Moon veiling her face in deep red. I've also been running around the hotel and saying hello to relatives I hadn't seen in upwards of 5 years. Two of my Aunts. Grandma Ruthy, who is still quite spry for being a tiny birdlike elderly creature. My relatives are all complaining about how I'm making them feel old. Such is life, I was sort of in the severely younger end of Grandma's grandchildren, the babies of that generation, so to speak. *rolleyes* and now here I am, 26. Grandma said I grew up movie star pretty though. ;)
And yes, tonight I officially have Fisher Price® My First Solo Hotel Room™. I think I ended up getting one because the Valkyries assumed
sundart was coming down. Pity really, she would have liked the suite I'm in. Yes, all the rooms here are suites, with like kitchens and stuff, it's cool. But anyway mine has a 15' window. WITH A WINDOWSEAT. And it's mine, all mine! No touchy. Having my own room also means I have the run of the hotel tonight. Case in point, me being down here gleefully exploiting the complimentary T1 access. Noooooooo, I don't have an internet addiction, whatever gave you that idea? Seriously - I'm rather cherishing the time alone, and also kind of shaking my head at the irony that I'm sleeping alone tonight when I was usually the person shacking up with Mom when the lot of us were taking over wings of hotels like this (She'd never approve of this, by the way - I can just hear her worrying about me being down here all by myself and wibbling about "strange men wandering the halls.") There will be precious little me-time tomorrow, so I'm venting here, crying a little bit, and just sort of regrouping and gathering strength for tomorrow. "One paw in front of the other," as Bosslady and her dogs would say. Same idea presented in a chant/song/meditation I actually picked up from Starhawk, that time she was at UMass for a ritual a few years back:
Every step I take is a healing step
Every step I take is a healing step
Healing healing healing my body
Healing healing healing the land.
Either way, it's gotten me this far into the week, it just has to get me a bit farther. It will help a lot that Mom's casket will be closed and it will be mostly Christian stuff happening tomorrow that I have no real point of reference towards, being the Godless heathen I was and still sort of am, in Christian terms, anyways. Yes, I know that was an odd, completely ungrammatical sentence, but nyeh, I'm tired. Anyway, at the end of the long tunnel of tomorrow, there is a date with Stanley and a black 'n' tan at Fuddruckers.
Anyway, I gotta go get some sleep if I'm indeed meeting Dad for breakfast at *cry* 6:30 this morning.
Heh. If we were in Dusseldorf, the service would already be starting.
Why Dusseldorf?
g'night.
