What a week!
Oct. 30th, 2004 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kjpepperI'm home. I actually got home late last night - took the 6:30 bus out.
Yesterday was sort of slowly hectic as opposed to fast hectic like the past few days. We checked out of the hotel, stopped by Penuche's and then went by the cemetery one more time to visit Mom. The grave looked pretty, all the flowers piled up over it, and since most of them were in water tubes all of them still looked fresh. We all took a few with us - Mom was never really into the tons of flowers thing, and it's not like she needed them.
One odd/funny thing - her nearest neighbor's headstone reads "Sweet Alma Carter, Dec 18, 1936 - May 2003." Interesting on two levels, not only do they share a name, but they share a birth year, though Mom was born in January. Heh. No such thing as coincidence. She's also buried not far from the old Pabst brewery where Dad worked for a quarter of a century - the bottle and the plant is still there twenty years after it closed, though I think they are finally tearing it down soon. It's kinda fitting considering she drove to Newark to pick up Dad almost every night.
Also - I need to seriously start practicing teh driving again. Penuche pulled me aside before we went to Newark and told me that Mom wanted me to have her car (which is completely paid for and in fabulous condition) and to come get it once I was licensed.
Anyway, we got back to the house and scurried around cleaning up a bit for the company that was coming, meanwhile I packed up to head home. I also spent a little time programming Dad's celly with all of us kid's numbers so he can reach us easily. It's funny, it seems like yesterday we were able to actually talk to each other for once. I don't remember the last time we did that. But I was sitting in his room with his phone and asking him if he was okay, and he was telling me he was and would be. "I tell you, you daughters are really great." he said.
"Eh. We were raised right."
He laughed a bit. (this exchange is kinda losing something without me doing my dead on impression of dad, but, eh.) "Yeah, your mom did a great job."
"Hey, you too! I mean, none of this would have been possible without your liquid assets..."
He really laughed then. "Well, you know, I have to be modest."
I think i made a face at him. "Why, Dad? Listen, you have a great bunch of kids. Go ahead. Be proud."
"Heh. Okay."
I tend to complain a bit about how my role in the family is merely to amuse the 'rents, never really to be taken seriously. Still, this week I was rather thankful I have the knack for making Dad laugh. *sigh* This has been so hard for him - granted he gets rather melodramatic with the diabetes, his age and his other manageable health issues, and would often insert the phrase "you know I won't be around forever" into his lectures to me, but seriously - Until Mom got cancer, she was disgustingly healthy. I mean, she had high blood pressure and arthritis, but other than that she was absolutely fine, meanwhile Dad's had diabetes since the early eighties, and is always at the doctor's. I think he honestly expected to go first, and so never really prepared himself for the idea of continuing without Mom. And really, who could blame him? I mean, how do you prepare for that possibility? He seems to be holding up okay for now, but I'm going to keep an eye on him.
I left the house around 5, made the bus with no problems, spent the ride text messaging my siblings' cell phones, and even sent an "I love you" to Dad's (he later thanked me for the smile), and then went to sleep for a little bit. Got back into Noho at 11, cuddled the girl for a while, then set off for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morlock's party, where I promptly exorcised the week's stresses by getting thoroughly, utterly smashed. I don't drink very often, but when I do, damn, I do it right. One whole bottle of Bailey's and two shots of rum and I was quite comfortably silly.
Slept in atmorlock's, went to Bickford's for brunch, and now sunny and I are watching way too much SVU. Expecting beatgoddess later too.
I've been constantly thinking since the funeral... an offhand comment from one of my sisters about how Mom wanted everyone to take care of me as well as of Dad, plus some other conversations I was present at have just sent my brain spinning again. I guess it just sort of brought into focus how much I did lean on Mom (despite the constant complaining), and how much she sort of needed me to lean on her, you know? Anyway - I know that's not how the comment was meant, but I hate feeling like I can't take care of myself. And financially, yeah, I'm pretty much a mess. I'm going to have to fix that.
Tomorrow is Samhain and the day after is Dia de los Muertos (yah, I know, I can't spell in Spanish). This year I lost my mother and someone I was proud to call a friend, so I'm probably going to spend the next couple of days quietly honoring them by myself. I'm not going to do anything ritual - y, just be quietly spiritual, I guess. And think about ways to keep my mama from worrying about my ass from wherever she's gone off to.
Yesterday was sort of slowly hectic as opposed to fast hectic like the past few days. We checked out of the hotel, stopped by Penuche's and then went by the cemetery one more time to visit Mom. The grave looked pretty, all the flowers piled up over it, and since most of them were in water tubes all of them still looked fresh. We all took a few with us - Mom was never really into the tons of flowers thing, and it's not like she needed them.
One odd/funny thing - her nearest neighbor's headstone reads "Sweet Alma Carter, Dec 18, 1936 - May 2003." Interesting on two levels, not only do they share a name, but they share a birth year, though Mom was born in January. Heh. No such thing as coincidence. She's also buried not far from the old Pabst brewery where Dad worked for a quarter of a century - the bottle and the plant is still there twenty years after it closed, though I think they are finally tearing it down soon. It's kinda fitting considering she drove to Newark to pick up Dad almost every night.
Also - I need to seriously start practicing teh driving again. Penuche pulled me aside before we went to Newark and told me that Mom wanted me to have her car (which is completely paid for and in fabulous condition) and to come get it once I was licensed.
Anyway, we got back to the house and scurried around cleaning up a bit for the company that was coming, meanwhile I packed up to head home. I also spent a little time programming Dad's celly with all of us kid's numbers so he can reach us easily. It's funny, it seems like yesterday we were able to actually talk to each other for once. I don't remember the last time we did that. But I was sitting in his room with his phone and asking him if he was okay, and he was telling me he was and would be. "I tell you, you daughters are really great." he said.
"Eh. We were raised right."
He laughed a bit. (this exchange is kinda losing something without me doing my dead on impression of dad, but, eh.) "Yeah, your mom did a great job."
"Hey, you too! I mean, none of this would have been possible without your liquid assets..."
He really laughed then. "Well, you know, I have to be modest."
I think i made a face at him. "Why, Dad? Listen, you have a great bunch of kids. Go ahead. Be proud."
"Heh. Okay."
I tend to complain a bit about how my role in the family is merely to amuse the 'rents, never really to be taken seriously. Still, this week I was rather thankful I have the knack for making Dad laugh. *sigh* This has been so hard for him - granted he gets rather melodramatic with the diabetes, his age and his other manageable health issues, and would often insert the phrase "you know I won't be around forever" into his lectures to me, but seriously - Until Mom got cancer, she was disgustingly healthy. I mean, she had high blood pressure and arthritis, but other than that she was absolutely fine, meanwhile Dad's had diabetes since the early eighties, and is always at the doctor's. I think he honestly expected to go first, and so never really prepared himself for the idea of continuing without Mom. And really, who could blame him? I mean, how do you prepare for that possibility? He seems to be holding up okay for now, but I'm going to keep an eye on him.
I left the house around 5, made the bus with no problems, spent the ride text messaging my siblings' cell phones, and even sent an "I love you" to Dad's (he later thanked me for the smile), and then went to sleep for a little bit. Got back into Noho at 11, cuddled the girl for a while, then set off for
morlock's party, where I promptly exorcised the week's stresses by getting thoroughly, utterly smashed. I don't drink very often, but when I do, damn, I do it right. One whole bottle of Bailey's and two shots of rum and I was quite comfortably silly.Slept in at
morlock's, went to Bickford's for brunch, and now sunny and I are watching way too much SVU. Expecting beatgoddess later too.I've been constantly thinking since the funeral... an offhand comment from one of my sisters about how Mom wanted everyone to take care of me as well as of Dad, plus some other conversations I was present at have just sent my brain spinning again. I guess it just sort of brought into focus how much I did lean on Mom (despite the constant complaining), and how much she sort of needed me to lean on her, you know? Anyway - I know that's not how the comment was meant, but I hate feeling like I can't take care of myself. And financially, yeah, I'm pretty much a mess. I'm going to have to fix that.
Tomorrow is Samhain and the day after is Dia de los Muertos (yah, I know, I can't spell in Spanish). This year I lost my mother and someone I was proud to call a friend, so I'm probably going to spend the next couple of days quietly honoring them by myself. I'm not going to do anything ritual - y, just be quietly spiritual, I guess. And think about ways to keep my mama from worrying about my ass from wherever she's gone off to.
