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kjpepperI had a bit of an epiphany today. But I should catch up on the past couple of days first. :)
First, the answers to yesterday's entry though. Sorry, these are going to be fairly obscure and nonsensical. My brain's not making all that much sense lately.
a) car dealership vanity tags - first realizing that some things have more than one meaning.
I was riding my bike to work and noticing how some cars have the dealership logo on the back, after wondering if they're only on used cars. And then I remembered the dealership my Mom's old car came from - Potamkin Cadillac. Hell, I still think cadillacs and not Russian battleships and baby carriages. So then I'm thinking - when was the first moment I realized that words could have more than one meaning? Hell, not just words, but concepts, stories? When is the time when you realize that situation can have more than one side, interpretation? I wish I could remember - it must have been eye-opening. Or earth-shattering.
b) talking to a very sad![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
masteradept - Maturity no-man's land
Just before I went to work yesterday I toldmasteradept to call me since he's going through some massively rough shit right now and I thought he could use an ear. At one point he differentiated between the evil ex and the current by referring to the ex as a girl and the current as a woman... Which got me thinking. I've always wondered where I fall on the spectrum, and often feel very caught in between. I mean, what's the defining line? What changes girls into women, or boys into men, or girls into men (as opposed to boys) and (insert appropriate non binary permutations here). Is there a rite of passage I've missed along the way, some trial by fire I haven't yet had, some quota of experience I haven't reached yet? And I kind of make everyone around me around my level - no matter where they are in life the guys in my life are always "the boys" and vice versa with the chicks. *sigh* so yeah... I don't know where I am in the maturity spectrum yet. Though people have been telling me I've grown up lately. *sigh* I sure as hell don't see it.
c) Eminem's "Lose Yourself" - sheltered == stunted? Discuss.
So I don't usually care for Eminem. I have a couple of songs of his that I like, and I really really really really like them, but the rest of his stuff? ehhh. Anyway, overplayed as it is, I do like Lose Yourself. It's a tight track... it was one of the last tracks I was listening to before I left work... and it got me thinking, I could totally rhyme with a little practice, I can do the words with rhythm thing though if you ask I'd be really embarrassed. But - I don't do it about anything relevant. I don't feel I can - sometimes I feel like I've managed to live 26 years of utter inanity, that the only real encounters of life's checks and balances I've experieced were behind safe barriers, like when my sister would drive me home from school through the warehouse and canal district of Brooklyn. We called it ho watching, cause yeah that area did have a big ho stroll. We even had a little song about it we made up about it, to the tune of a Wheel of Fortune jingle that ran at the time...
But yeah... I feel like there's been a carefully constructed glass barrier between me and everything else growing up. Window glass for the most part, and behind it was me. Kept safe, yes... but at the same time I ached for the little snatches of real experience I was able to grab growing up when I wasn't under the careful lock and key of my family. Some say I should be grateful for it, that it's probably the reason I'm still here. But I'm not. Tying into the previous topic, I kinda feel a little stunted on the experiential* side. Not that most of the time I care... but sometimes, especially during the days where I feel like no one can reach me through these glass wals I snap up around me without understanding why, I think about it. Way too much.
Yesterday I got dressed up in office wear that I haven't had to wear in over a year (after work, haha) and first went to the diner withinle_rah and a bunch of her friends, then to Office Space. Alas, sundart was unable to join us due to the plague, but she was missed by everyone. I got to see morlock in a tie, which was a bit of a brain altering experience. :) But yeah, it was a good flick for a Friday night rewind - packed house crackling with energy and folks with pieces of flair hoping for a signed script (which beatgoddess won - yay). Those people trying to do the O face? Oh god. My eyes, they bleed.
I went home withmorlock afterwards - and keee-rashed. Except for one three quarters asleep episode early this morning I stayed asleep until I was shaken awake at 2:30. Which was already half an hour late for bowling with the polys. Jeez. So much for formalwear. I was the only one in a dress, and only sydneycat bothered to even remotely dress up. Bah. Oh well. There is something really fun about bowling in a flowy sleeveless dress, so it wasn't a total loss. I did pretty well for my second time bowling ever. Couse it probably helps that there were bumpers over the gutters.
Home to a slightly less sicksundart, who soothed my frayed nerves. Now sucking down as much ice cream and Law & Order as capacity allows.
Oh yeah... epiphany. You tend to forget stuff when you've been typing for almost 2 hours. I had a "click" moment today as I curled up under cozy covers. The city's calling me home. It has been for a bit, but I think I've been too fucked up or distracted to listen.
I'm not like up and going now or anything, so stop worrying ye who are reading. But I'm thinking late 2006/early 2007. Go work for the MTA or something - yeah, that would be fun. :)
* looky, I invented a word.
First, the answers to yesterday's entry though. Sorry, these are going to be fairly obscure and nonsensical. My brain's not making all that much sense lately.
a) car dealership vanity tags - first realizing that some things have more than one meaning.
I was riding my bike to work and noticing how some cars have the dealership logo on the back, after wondering if they're only on used cars. And then I remembered the dealership my Mom's old car came from - Potamkin Cadillac. Hell, I still think cadillacs and not Russian battleships and baby carriages. So then I'm thinking - when was the first moment I realized that words could have more than one meaning? Hell, not just words, but concepts, stories? When is the time when you realize that situation can have more than one side, interpretation? I wish I could remember - it must have been eye-opening. Or earth-shattering.
b) talking to a very sad
masteradept - Maturity no-man's landJust before I went to work yesterday I told
masteradept to call me since he's going through some massively rough shit right now and I thought he could use an ear. At one point he differentiated between the evil ex and the current by referring to the ex as a girl and the current as a woman... Which got me thinking. I've always wondered where I fall on the spectrum, and often feel very caught in between. I mean, what's the defining line? What changes girls into women, or boys into men, or girls into men (as opposed to boys) and (insert appropriate non binary permutations here). Is there a rite of passage I've missed along the way, some trial by fire I haven't yet had, some quota of experience I haven't reached yet? And I kind of make everyone around me around my level - no matter where they are in life the guys in my life are always "the boys" and vice versa with the chicks. *sigh* so yeah... I don't know where I am in the maturity spectrum yet. Though people have been telling me I've grown up lately. *sigh* I sure as hell don't see it.c) Eminem's "Lose Yourself" - sheltered == stunted? Discuss.
So I don't usually care for Eminem. I have a couple of songs of his that I like, and I really really really really like them, but the rest of his stuff? ehhh. Anyway, overplayed as it is, I do like Lose Yourself. It's a tight track... it was one of the last tracks I was listening to before I left work... and it got me thinking, I could totally rhyme with a little practice, I can do the words with rhythm thing though if you ask I'd be really embarrassed. But - I don't do it about anything relevant. I don't feel I can - sometimes I feel like I've managed to live 26 years of utter inanity, that the only real encounters of life's checks and balances I've experieced were behind safe barriers, like when my sister would drive me home from school through the warehouse and canal district of Brooklyn. We called it ho watching, cause yeah that area did have a big ho stroll. We even had a little song about it we made up about it, to the tune of a Wheel of Fortune jingle that ran at the time...
But yeah... I feel like there's been a carefully constructed glass barrier between me and everything else growing up. Window glass for the most part, and behind it was me. Kept safe, yes... but at the same time I ached for the little snatches of real experience I was able to grab growing up when I wasn't under the careful lock and key of my family. Some say I should be grateful for it, that it's probably the reason I'm still here. But I'm not. Tying into the previous topic, I kinda feel a little stunted on the experiential* side. Not that most of the time I care... but sometimes, especially during the days where I feel like no one can reach me through these glass wals I snap up around me without understanding why, I think about it. Way too much.
Yesterday I got dressed up in office wear that I haven't had to wear in over a year (after work, haha) and first went to the diner with
inle_rah and a bunch of her friends, then to Office Space. Alas, sundart was unable to join us due to the plague, but she was missed by everyone. I got to see morlock in a tie, which was a bit of a brain altering experience. :) But yeah, it was a good flick for a Friday night rewind - packed house crackling with energy and folks with pieces of flair hoping for a signed script (which beatgoddess won - yay). Those people trying to do the O face? Oh god. My eyes, they bleed.I went home with
morlock afterwards - and keee-rashed. Except for one three quarters asleep episode early this morning I stayed asleep until I was shaken awake at 2:30. Which was already half an hour late for bowling with the polys. Jeez. So much for formalwear. I was the only one in a dress, and only sydneycat bothered to even remotely dress up. Bah. Oh well. There is something really fun about bowling in a flowy sleeveless dress, so it wasn't a total loss. I did pretty well for my second time bowling ever. Couse it probably helps that there were bumpers over the gutters.Home to a slightly less sick
sundart, who soothed my frayed nerves. Now sucking down as much ice cream and Law & Order as capacity allows.Oh yeah... epiphany. You tend to forget stuff when you've been typing for almost 2 hours. I had a "click" moment today as I curled up under cozy covers. The city's calling me home. It has been for a bit, but I think I've been too fucked up or distracted to listen.
I'm not like up and going now or anything, so stop worrying ye who are reading. But I'm thinking late 2006/early 2007. Go work for the MTA or something - yeah, that would be fun. :)
* looky, I invented a word.
