Adventures in Credit Card Wonderland

[kjpepper]

[ring ring]
Robot of Financial Assrapage: Hi thank you for calling AssCards. Please say or dial your account number.
kjpepper: xxxx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx
RFA: I'm sorry but I do not understand you. Please try again.
KJP: x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
RFA: I'm sorry but I do not understand you. Please try again.
KJP: *swearing*
RFA: I'm sorry but I do not understand you. Please try again.
KJP: *growls, dials the number*
RFA: [artificially perky] *spews interminable list of options I don't want*
KJP: Representative
RFA: I'm sorry but I do not understand you. Please try again.
KJP: *restrains herself from throwing the phone out the window. dials 5*
RFA: Thank you for using AssCards. I'll transfer you to a representative.
PreRecorded Voice of Financial Assrapage: All Representatives are busy now, please hold the line. For quality control, training, and/or our personal purposes, your call may be recorded and if your voice is sexy enough, masturbated to.
KJP: *fumes*
Jessica: [very cheerfully] Hi thank you for calling AssCards. Can I get your mother's maiden name or personal password?
KJP: *gives password*
Jessica: ooooooooooh. Very close, but not quite. Try again?
KJP: [aside] what is this, Jeopardy? [to Jessica] *slightly different variation on password*
Jessica: hmm. try all numbers?
KJP: [aside] try nostril fucking yourself with an emery board? [to Jessica] *last variation of password*
Jessica: O-kay!!! How can I help you today?
KJP: My card expired in August and I never got a new one.
Jessica: Huh. Weird. Lemme see when that went out. [pause] says it went out last friday.
KJP: Last Friday? it expired in August!
Jessica: [brainless giggle] I know. That's... weird. You haven't gotten it yet?
KJP: Would I be calling otherwise?
Jessica: Oh. Yeah.
KJP: *headsmack*
Jessica: What's your current address?
KJP: *gives it*
Jessica: Have you got an old one?
KJP: *gives that one*
Jessica: yep, it went there.
KJP: But I changed it online last summer?
Jessica: Really? *keys clacking* So you did. But it was sent to [previous address], and they probably won't forward it.
KJP: So now what?
Jessica: well, lemme put in a request for your new one. Keep in mind though that if the new card is received at the old address, you may be subject to credit card fraud.
KJP: *imagines herself on one of those commercials where beatgoddess's voice comes out of her mouth detailing her all expense paid cruise to Fagtopia Island* *laughs* Um, thanks, I don't think I need to worry. Someone I trust lives at that address. [aside] Besides, that would be one crappy cruise on a $500 limit.
Jessica: [surly] Just telling you.
KJP: *bites tongue, manages to be civil enough to get the new card routed to new address, says goodbye politely*
Jessica: oh, and Ms. Pepper? Happy Birthday.
KJP: Thank you. *hang up, headsmack*

Right. That was the tail end of the financial fu I got done today. Also got fed up with tripping over sydmor's dryer door when loading it, so I menaced it a little with the power drill. Dryer door is now hung in the opposite direction. The sexy.

And now to watch Pirates of my Ass and braid my hair.

EDIT: and then the missing card arrives in today's mail. Call Asscards back, get Jessica again(!!!!!). Card is now activated and problem solved.

Comments

LOL

[sunnysusan12.livejournal.com]

Awwww....I'm sorry but this is hysterical...I totally relate. That's how I feel when I call up those services. Nice to know I'm not alone. Oh! And congratulations on your impending nuptials.

[drklord1922.livejournal.com]

I concur that is quite hilarous, congrats on your pending engagement, part duex. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

[wrpigeek.livejournal.com]

Here, let me loan you the Clue-By-Four launcher. I keep it in low Earth orbit. I have to coat the Cx4's with solid osmium to keep them from burning up on reentry, but they sure deliver the message.