Inside voice
Dec. 30th, 2005 07:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kjpepperThis week, for a change, has been weirdly restful... full of enlightening conversation and occasional fits of deep introspection. Oversleeping nearly every day this week probably didn't hurt any either. Proof positive that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sundart (who was home for once last night - squee) is the magic charm for waking me up, not the alarm clock. Of course it being winter has a bit to do with it: 7am is still painfully dark. By the time there's enough light for my body to be all like "time to get up now!" I've missed my bus. Not this morning tho.... though the alamingly loud noise of something falling off one of my shelves and hitting the floor at maximum velocity probably helped jerk me awake.
Head wise I'm definitely in a much better place than I have been. I think it's a combination of finally adjusting to my patch (except for the occasional OMG ITCHIES), and I'm pretty much off coffee, so I'm no longer an emotional wreck, plus one of the big stressors for the month has been resolved. I tell ya, it's very weird being back in touch with the biofam. Weird, but good. *shakes head* I'm still boggled by how much everyone liked their presents from me - I mean, I got an email from one of my brothers-in-law gushing about his book about trains. (He likes them quite possibly as much or more than I do, if that's possible. He is a transportation planner, after all.)
I think I've finally settled into my own space and being with my own company. I don't mind being alone nearly as much anymore, which is funny considering I used to climb the walls whenever I was on my own for more than an hour. I've actually been thinking a bit about introversion lately, ever since the conversations I've had withmorlock and harinezumi about it, and also after spending Christmas at home with 13 loud crazy people. I don't consider myself an introvert, but I have noticed that the company of certain types of people is draining to me. It's a little not fair to equate people oriented or socially skilled with extroversion, because I am good with people, I know the rules and I play the game. I'm definitely an outsider, by the definitions jaicat and sundart came up with in college. But I do have some introverted tendancies, which is a weird thing to think about myself. It makes sense if you think about how I used to listen to music, which was constantly, and loudly, especially when travelling - it blocks out the outside noise, and sorta sets up an invisible wall. Plus people leave you the hell alone when you're wearing headphones. (reminds me I have to find some....) But yeah, I've discovered that being myself in my space in my own company in the relative quiet, I am actually quite contented.The thing really to work on is to be better at keeping that peaceful contentment intact... not let things distract me so much, you know?
That was long.
So... some things to work on in the year ahead... I think, at the risk of sounding solipsistic, that 2006 will be all about me. No seriously. There is healing to be done on all fronts, a few health and finanacial problems to be sorted out. I need to get my creativity jump-started again (maybe having a working ipod will help...), my computer shored up (definitely need to replace this keyboard and get more RAM, thoughsundart okayed the keyboard replacement out of house monies), and continue working on making this space I occupy mine... both in terms of my room and my body. I need to live life on my own terms - but first, I need to discover what those terms are. And I actually feel like I can do that now - or at least start.
There's so much work to be done. Believe it or not, this thought actually makes me smile.
sundart (who was home for once last night - squee) is the magic charm for waking me up, not the alarm clock. Of course it being winter has a bit to do with it: 7am is still painfully dark. By the time there's enough light for my body to be all like "time to get up now!" I've missed my bus. Not this morning tho.... though the alamingly loud noise of something falling off one of my shelves and hitting the floor at maximum velocity probably helped jerk me awake.Head wise I'm definitely in a much better place than I have been. I think it's a combination of finally adjusting to my patch (except for the occasional OMG ITCHIES), and I'm pretty much off coffee, so I'm no longer an emotional wreck, plus one of the big stressors for the month has been resolved. I tell ya, it's very weird being back in touch with the biofam. Weird, but good. *shakes head* I'm still boggled by how much everyone liked their presents from me - I mean, I got an email from one of my brothers-in-law gushing about his book about trains. (He likes them quite possibly as much or more than I do, if that's possible. He is a transportation planner, after all.)
I think I've finally settled into my own space and being with my own company. I don't mind being alone nearly as much anymore, which is funny considering I used to climb the walls whenever I was on my own for more than an hour. I've actually been thinking a bit about introversion lately, ever since the conversations I've had with
morlock and harinezumi about it, and also after spending Christmas at home with 13 loud crazy people. I don't consider myself an introvert, but I have noticed that the company of certain types of people is draining to me. It's a little not fair to equate people oriented or socially skilled with extroversion, because I am good with people, I know the rules and I play the game. I'm definitely an outsider, by the definitions jaicat and sundart came up with in college. But I do have some introverted tendancies, which is a weird thing to think about myself. It makes sense if you think about how I used to listen to music, which was constantly, and loudly, especially when travelling - it blocks out the outside noise, and sorta sets up an invisible wall. Plus people leave you the hell alone when you're wearing headphones. (reminds me I have to find some....) But yeah, I've discovered that being myself in my space in my own company in the relative quiet, I am actually quite contented.The thing really to work on is to be better at keeping that peaceful contentment intact... not let things distract me so much, you know?That was long.
So... some things to work on in the year ahead... I think, at the risk of sounding solipsistic, that 2006 will be all about me. No seriously. There is healing to be done on all fronts, a few health and finanacial problems to be sorted out. I need to get my creativity jump-started again (maybe having a working ipod will help...), my computer shored up (definitely need to replace this keyboard and get more RAM, though
sundart okayed the keyboard replacement out of house monies), and continue working on making this space I occupy mine... both in terms of my room and my body. I need to live life on my own terms - but first, I need to discover what those terms are. And I actually feel like I can do that now - or at least start.There's so much work to be done. Believe it or not, this thought actually makes me smile.
