Today's thought.

[kjpepper]

I was talking to morlock about memes yesterday morning, mostly in reaction to johari/nohari/harikiri things that have been flitting around... No, I'm not doing one, nor am I participating in anyone elses. My essential problem with something like johari is that I feel like people tend to go for pleasing, flattering answers by default, and don't tend to straight up tell the truth, either out of a need to avoid drama, conforming to the axiom of "if you can't say anything nice..." or, in the case of some people, the knowledge that the receipient of your honest opinion won't be able to take the honest criticism... and for things like that, while sure all the nice words would be complimentary and good to hear, there's a part of me that would wonder if that's honesty or a need to be nice talking.

Same with Nohari. I mean reversing the concept is a good idea, but people are definitely going to skew away from the harsher words, or just avoid doing it at all. It goes both ways, too - I would be kind of hurt if someone told me if I was vacuous, irresponsible, needy, overdramatic, cowardly, rash, callous and violent, even though all of those words can be attributed to me and I know this. (well, maybe not vacuous... though I do admit to posting about pretty much nothing quite a bit, I don't think that I myself am vacuous.) So with all of this in mind I really have to wonder how effective a meme is where opinions of yourself are solicited from outside sources... and should such a thing really be done? Nice or harsh, it's not really telling you anything you don't know already about yourself, is it?

Yeah, I know, it's just a meme and I'm thinking too much about it, but it does seem to be symptom of a greater problem of interpersonal relationships and the delicate, overly nuanced navigations of such things. How is it that most of us, if not all of us, ended up with the complete inability to take any sort of personal criticism as anything but a personal attack? Even those who recognize criticism as it actually is, I have serious trouble believing that there isn't an initial reaction of "Why would this person say such a thing to me?" followed by an immediate "They're wrong, fuck them" or "they must actually hate me oh god I'm horrible?"

Thoughts?

Comments

[harinezumi.livejournal.com]

I think one of the greatest advantages of seeing a good shrink is the fact that you get to talk about yourself with someone who has no reason to falsely flatter you or to pull away from accurate criticism, and has the training, experience, and credentials to give you a reasonable expectation that they're not talking out of their ass.

While I have not encountered the analysis schemes above until you mentioned them (Wikipedia ftw) I think they can be pretty useful for surface-level probing and information gathering, assuming, of course, that none of the people involved are drama-prone. Beyond that, though, if you want to dig below the surface, you're best off leaving it to the professionals.

[morlock.livejournal.com]

well you know my opinion on it... i try to be completly honest ont hose things. ig uess its naive of me to expect other people to say stuff like that too.

and when i see thigns like this, i always think "why would they say that." i'm of the beleif that you can't know most stuff about yourself. we hide our true feeligns from ourselves just as well as we do from anyone else.

but hey, thats me.

[dionethoughts.livejournal.com]

I think it's been discussed how the internet is the greatest unifier and divider (outside religion) to date. Nuance was a word you used and it's a good one for this. Text is rarely capable of tone, nuance, meaning inside the meaning and the like. You don't see the person's face. You don't hear the story behind the choice of words. Boxing things so rigidly (single words from a short list without an easy way at explanation) is definitely not the best way to get someone's opinion of you. But we're cyber-babies and we're disconnected in a lot of ways and we're needing of connection and feedback. It's an easy thing to click and sit back waiting for truth from your friends.

Have I babbled myself into incoherence on this?

[austingoddess.livejournal.com]

Someone else was going to do a Nohari, and I said I wouldn't participate in it because people are rarely blind to their faults, but frequently to their good points.

[labmouse.livejournal.com]

I definately understand and am sometimes hesitant to be honest, but I would wish someone would do the same for me, in a sort of critique.
I do have difficulty saying everything that I mean in so much for Nohari, because it really is hard to say about your friends what you see in them that might be an opprotunity for improvement.

[sundart.livejournal.com]

I think it would be difficult to hear the type of criticism presented by a nohari box. It doesn't suggest ways of improving or couch information in a constructive way. It just lists words, without giving more detailed opinions. Also, it's anonymous. I'd be more likely to take criticism to heart if I knew it was coming from people who knew me well and had a good reason for saying what they do. (Like a genuine concern for me.)