Gimme something to sing about... please
May. 10th, 2006 07:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kjpepperI've mentioned feeling... well, no, I guess the appropriate phrasing is not feeling. Like seriously lately I've only been feeling stuff in two second flashes, and a good number of you that know me well know this isn't how I am at all. But yeah, lately it's been like I'm in this little emotional padded cell filled with fog - everything's hazy, far away, and muffled. I can't hurt myself in here, but I can't do much else either.
It occurs to me on this gray morning that this probably is just another manifestation of depression. This makes sense, for with no emotional drive I have no real auxillary drive to do much else. My creative impulse is pretty shot, the occasional flash of needing to get shit done is buried under a heavy layer of inertia and apathy. It's really quite fucked up. Could be the new hormone crack, as I've been feeling like this since last week. Also... I realized slowly that it's May, and some form of emotional crisis hits me at the beginning of every summer. heh. I don't think there are too many other people that are seasonally affected in the other direction, but late spring and summer usually are a tough four months for me, although they generally don't have much to do with the overabundance of sun or the weather. Well, other than the fact that I can't stand humidity unless it's manifesting in the form of a thunderstorm.
The trick is circumventing it. Making myself do useful things that amount to more than just alleviating boredom or mental masturbation, like bouncing from entry to entry in Wikipedia (though that's a good way to pick up interesting trivia). I'll have the Flat Switch to distract me somewhat, there's always work, and the fact that should I manage to drag myself from the depths of my funk, there are several creative and practical projects screaming for me to get to them, and people I really should spend time with, though lately my inclination is to lock myself somewhere with a good computer and a broadband connection and finally... FINALLY joining the Wide World of Warcrack. Goddamn, that game is pretty. Or find some sort of belly dance/steampunk fusion. Or something besides working, killing time until I'm ready to fall over dead asleep, waking up, repeat ad nauseum. Cause that's what I'm doing right now and it's driving me batshit.
*sigh* I don't know what's wrong with me. But here's hoping whatever it is is short lived.
It occurs to me on this gray morning that this probably is just another manifestation of depression. This makes sense, for with no emotional drive I have no real auxillary drive to do much else. My creative impulse is pretty shot, the occasional flash of needing to get shit done is buried under a heavy layer of inertia and apathy. It's really quite fucked up. Could be the new hormone crack, as I've been feeling like this since last week. Also... I realized slowly that it's May, and some form of emotional crisis hits me at the beginning of every summer. heh. I don't think there are too many other people that are seasonally affected in the other direction, but late spring and summer usually are a tough four months for me, although they generally don't have much to do with the overabundance of sun or the weather. Well, other than the fact that I can't stand humidity unless it's manifesting in the form of a thunderstorm.
The trick is circumventing it. Making myself do useful things that amount to more than just alleviating boredom or mental masturbation, like bouncing from entry to entry in Wikipedia (though that's a good way to pick up interesting trivia). I'll have the Flat Switch to distract me somewhat, there's always work, and the fact that should I manage to drag myself from the depths of my funk, there are several creative and practical projects screaming for me to get to them, and people I really should spend time with, though lately my inclination is to lock myself somewhere with a good computer and a broadband connection and finally... FINALLY joining the Wide World of Warcrack. Goddamn, that game is pretty. Or find some sort of belly dance/steampunk fusion. Or something besides working, killing time until I'm ready to fall over dead asleep, waking up, repeat ad nauseum. Cause that's what I'm doing right now and it's driving me batshit.
*sigh* I don't know what's wrong with me. But here's hoping whatever it is is short lived.
