It just occurred to me what day it is...

[kjpepper]

UN Day is today. That day's always been special to me, considering I went to the UN School. Naturally, we always got today off of school.

It's my friend Mary E's birthday. She would have been 27 today. We're still thinking of you down here, hon...

Mom died two years ago today. Somewhere in me is a longer post about that, but right now I don't really have any words... just odd feelings. Not sad exactly. A little guilty maybe, because I don't really miss her and I feel like I should, like maybe I should have remembered what day it was earlier, except there are all these other things going on that I was concentrating on, and now I'm like... should I do something?

On the other hand, it's hard to miss someone when you see them more and more staring back at you out of the mirror, which is both comforting and unnerving. Also I feel like part of her never left - like she left a part behind to watch over the family. Cause you can still feel her in the house sometimes, carping about the state of it. But I do sometimes wonder... Mom's gone... shouldn't that upset me more than it does? It certainly seems to upset everyone else in the family a lot. Is something wrong with me that, for lack of a better phrase, I'm "over it"... at least enough to forget what day it is today?

Death is so messed up. Maybe I need Joss Whedon to write me a monologue about making sense of it all. He seems to be good at that. *sigh*

Well, now we know why I'm a little off balance emotionally. :(

Comments

[grinninfoole.livejournal.com]

It isn't the date that matters, it's your feelings. You still love your mom, but since she isn't around anymore, it's healthy for you to focus your energies elsewhere. If you are like most people, you will have unpredictable moments which powerfully evoke her in your memory, and then you will miss her. Why should you feel bad about getting over your pain?