kjpepper | Junk mail, volume IV

DTlq pi/\n r=lief, oorder from homee ss - I get pi/\n relief with a little help from my homeess...

Woman..looking for discreet..Sexual Encounter - On the internet?? Yeah, that's discreet. Why not put a big blinky neon sign over your head that says "Horny, Desperate, and Available?" That might be a bit more discreet, actually.

she can guess your c0cckk size cpqxizggg - Ooh! Ooh! I know! Pick me! Umm. Right. The size of your erect cock is the exact distance from the tip of your middle finger to your wrist!

Over 10,000 Women Are Waiting To Go On A Date... - Hopefully not with Tkzsz.

3 inches will make a difference! - yeah, just think, three inches to the left and I couldn't open my dresser drawer. But now marvel at the difference that is three inches!

If you like kinky szkule - Dunno if I like szkule. Why does this look like some obscure dish from deep in the little explored mountains of Eastern Europe involving mushrooms, muskrat, and mussels?

click here or else - No! So there! What ya gonna do about it, punk? huh?

Get Stronger, Faster, Smarter!... - We can rebuild you, we have the technology!

Pound On Her Black Hole - Okay. Bit of an astronomy lesson here. You can't pound on a black hole! It's impossible! Once the gravity's got you that's it - you're slammed to the center of it and instantly squashed like a grape. Theoretically anyway. But you certainly can't pull back to pound it. Or at least, more than once.

Have the desire of an animal in the b ed ro-o-m - I hope you at least get to choose the animal. I mean, suppose you got the desire of an armadillo? Then again, I don't know - they could be randy little beasts.

Hello Jiji, slahtt'y chi'x gettin bang'd in... - Well, then Jethro, why don't I jus' pull these little ol' curlers right on out my head and get mahself down to see them thar slahtt'y chi'x. I reckon I's never seen nothing like that before...

Pound Her Love Muffin dowkcxi - You know, I sometimes wonder if romance novel authors and spammers all reference the same volume of silly euphemisms for genitalia. I mean, really. Love Muffin? I'm just waiting for something like "Bower of Bliss" or "Furry delta" or something equally ridiculous.

Fiesta Snatch - Because there's a party in my pants, and you're invited! Although this just calls to mind disturbing images of being coated in a riot of colored sprinkles. I think there is a frosting and sprinkle pack of Betty Crocker frosting that is called "Fiesta," but I'm not sure...

the h0rrse and her nhbkisfyfxjjn - Mirriam Webster had these helpful things to say as to what kind of creature a nhbkisfyfxjjn might be: nhb•kis•fyf•xjjn (nib-kis-FIF-skin) noun plural nhb•kis•fyf•xae origin unknown [rest of entry garbled into some Satanic script that immediately gave me a headache and a deeply ingrained sense of dread]

Granny takes a dikk in every hole and Loves it - She must be recovering nicely after getting run over by that pesky reindeer last Christmas Eve.

Kjpepper, Porn found On Your drive! - Boy, don't you love it when your junk mail tries to be all alarming? Oooh! Porn on my hard drive! *gasp* Well, spank my ass and call me Missy! However did that get there?