a bad dream

[kjpepper]

There was a nice old man tagging along with the group of people I was with at this old firehouse/quarry/woodsy place. Except at one point he stopped tagging along and began looking very uncomfortable. I helped him sit down and asked him what was wrong. He said he thought he was having a heart attack. So i called 911 told them what was going on, and gave them our location as best I could, considering I wasn't sure where exactly we all were. (I remember when I called I totally waxed Mariska Hargitay and said "we need a bus up here" instead of "we need an ambulance.")

Well, the ambulance never showed up, and I had to watch the old man die. And of course in typical Andee fashion, I felt it was my fault he did. If I'm known the exact address of where we were, if I'd known CPR, hell maybe if I'd noticed a little sooner, maybe I could have saved him. It was right about the middle of this lovely guilt fest that my alarm started going off.

Course NOW I'm mad because it was a dream - I could have waved a magic wand, summoned an excavation team and a tunnel borer, miniatureized them and had them take care of the blocked artery or something. but I didn't do that either.

Why am I so broken up about not being able to save a figment of my subconscious?

Comments

[peacockdress.livejournal.com]

You know the symbolism of course. It might be that something that's very old and frail and not necessary fitting in with the rest of you has died.

[kjpepper.livejournal.com]

*nod* I'm thinking it's more that there's currently a situation happening that I feel completely powerless over and I just sort of have to stand back and see what happens, even though I hate doing that.