Well crap.
Jun. 6th, 2008 11:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kjpepperYou know that feeling where it seems like everything... everything... you attempt, no matter how hard you try, how much you put in, how badly you want it... will end in spectacular flaming apocalyptic fail in the end?
I know it's probably not actually true. But tonight I can't point to a single aspect of my life that hasn't gone hopelessly awry, or at least... not according to plan. And all of it, every single thing, could have been prevented had I done something differently somewhere along the line.
Once again, as I always do when I hit this level of unhappy, I find myself wondering if my existance is in fact a mistake as opposed to an accident, and all of my failures are just... correction for that. I know it's stupid, and I will have forgotten the notion by the time I wake up tomorrow. But for right now, I have to deal with it somehow, and stupid fucking warfarin, I can't drink myself silly.
Maybe I'll just make my bed and go the hell to sleep. Like sleep, not like sleep, in case people think I'm cryptically alluding to doing something even more stupid, which I'm not. I'm tired and done, not suicidal, so no panic need be had.
I hope tomorrow will be better. I seriously doubt it will be.
I know it's probably not actually true. But tonight I can't point to a single aspect of my life that hasn't gone hopelessly awry, or at least... not according to plan. And all of it, every single thing, could have been prevented had I done something differently somewhere along the line.
Once again, as I always do when I hit this level of unhappy, I find myself wondering if my existance is in fact a mistake as opposed to an accident, and all of my failures are just... correction for that. I know it's stupid, and I will have forgotten the notion by the time I wake up tomorrow. But for right now, I have to deal with it somehow, and stupid fucking warfarin, I can't drink myself silly.
Maybe I'll just make my bed and go the hell to sleep. Like sleep, not like sleep, in case people think I'm cryptically alluding to doing something even more stupid, which I'm not. I'm tired and done, not suicidal, so no panic need be had.
I hope tomorrow will be better. I seriously doubt it will be.
