kjpepper | Warped things you learn from playing Paperboy

Having completely had it with everything yesterday, I dragged out the SNES and began playing one of my old favorites, Paperboy 2. Amazing what life lessons you learn in that game.

Newspapers can be flung by ten year old kids with enough force to completely punch through windows and knock over fully armed robbers.
That aside, what the hell. You can completely destroy various aspects of a subscribers life each day - make thier scarecrow run away, set the aged parents in the swing spinning, break the pane of glass the delivery men were so careful with in the driveway, hit your kids, drop the car your husband was fixing on him, knock over the trash, and turn the hose on your sister, but fucking break a window and they'll cancel their subscription. That's messed up.
Dogs are not your friends. Luckily newspapers stop them too.
People rotisserie their pigs alive. Why? Cause the pigs run away if you distract the chef.
Little kids are not your friends either. Especially when they're throwing baseballs at you.
Everybody in the neighborhood you're delivering in listens to badly rendered synthesized light jazz.
Old men with lawnmowers are easy targets.
Statuary will come to life and get you, either by breathing fire or ... something else.

I love warped realities.