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kjpepperToday was full of quiet, lovely moments of well wishings and love. Spent almost the entire day being spoiled by sundart, and having long ass heart to hearts... also there was periodic sleepage, which gets easier... provided I pee before I lay down. :P Bladder's still a brat.
Today was kinda the first day post hospital unwinding at home sort of deal and I can feel it. it's like my muscles are starting to recover from their hell and as things relax and try to unclench and fall into place, it pulls and hurts and is generally reminding me that yeah, whoa, I went through something. It's like, okay, the immediate stuff is taken care of for the most part, now comes the hard part. The relaxing. The not pushing myself, the allowing for sleep, and tired and healing. It's really far more easier said than done let me tell you. I hate feeling tired and vulnerable and weak, even if it is understandable. I hate that I can't bounce up and down the stairs like I normally do. I hate that I have to put a hand over my stitches cause coughing burns. Those sorts of things. it's quite a conundrum because I hate having to be the one taken care of, and yet I suck at doing it myself. And then there's the whole thing where my body is kinda freaky and unrecognizable - I'm still swollen like hell (we figured out that being on prednizone don't help with that at all), my feet get cold, and I still am, obvious scars aside, pretty busted from a week or so in the hospital... bruises, scabs, stretch marks, the fact that I STILL can't get the telemetry adhesive off my skin without taking my skin off, the odd little scar on my neck from the port... it's a lot to get used to... plus the sack full of meds that I'm taking right now and the fact that I can now permanently taste one and graagh.
At least me and the incision scar are grudgingly making friends. I successfully managed a shower today... gods, hot water never felt so damn good, I never wanted to come out.
It's kinda funny really, sunny brought up an amusing point about it being my birthday, and how essentially, I'm here. I made it. I completed successfully 30 years of existence, and I'm not dead... even if I had to crash land into my fourth decade. Point being... I made it here. That's something to celebrate indeed. It's interesting... nothing like ow and sick to really make a person appreciate how hard day to day survival is... and everyone has their own stuff they have to soldier through every single day, and it all comes down to at the end of the day... did you survive? If the answer is yes, that is a fabulous thing indeed. Course then, you have to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. ;)
Tonight - birthday steak, debate, and definitely more sleep....
Today was kinda the first day post hospital unwinding at home sort of deal and I can feel it. it's like my muscles are starting to recover from their hell and as things relax and try to unclench and fall into place, it pulls and hurts and is generally reminding me that yeah, whoa, I went through something. It's like, okay, the immediate stuff is taken care of for the most part, now comes the hard part. The relaxing. The not pushing myself, the allowing for sleep, and tired and healing. It's really far more easier said than done let me tell you. I hate feeling tired and vulnerable and weak, even if it is understandable. I hate that I can't bounce up and down the stairs like I normally do. I hate that I have to put a hand over my stitches cause coughing burns. Those sorts of things. it's quite a conundrum because I hate having to be the one taken care of, and yet I suck at doing it myself. And then there's the whole thing where my body is kinda freaky and unrecognizable - I'm still swollen like hell (we figured out that being on prednizone don't help with that at all), my feet get cold, and I still am, obvious scars aside, pretty busted from a week or so in the hospital... bruises, scabs, stretch marks, the fact that I STILL can't get the telemetry adhesive off my skin without taking my skin off, the odd little scar on my neck from the port... it's a lot to get used to... plus the sack full of meds that I'm taking right now and the fact that I can now permanently taste one and graagh.
At least me and the incision scar are grudgingly making friends. I successfully managed a shower today... gods, hot water never felt so damn good, I never wanted to come out.
It's kinda funny really, sunny brought up an amusing point about it being my birthday, and how essentially, I'm here. I made it. I completed successfully 30 years of existence, and I'm not dead... even if I had to crash land into my fourth decade. Point being... I made it here. That's something to celebrate indeed. It's interesting... nothing like ow and sick to really make a person appreciate how hard day to day survival is... and everyone has their own stuff they have to soldier through every single day, and it all comes down to at the end of the day... did you survive? If the answer is yes, that is a fabulous thing indeed. Course then, you have to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. ;)
Tonight - birthday steak, debate, and definitely more sleep....
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Date: 2008-10-07 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:40 am (UTC){{{{loves}}}}