kjpepper | I'm gonna do this once, cause it needs to be addressed.

This is gonna be about

morlock, mainly directed at the Valley crowd. No bashing, no drama, I promise, just... stuff that needs saying, and a request.

I probably should have done this earlier, judging by some of the things that have been said to me in the past 24 hours. I'll admit it, once upon a time I would have welcomed the "y'all are better off apart, blah blah blah he's a bastard blah blah." stuff. Now, not so much. The thing is it doesn't matter anymore who wronged whom and to what degree. We're both hurt. There's still a very large hole in my life where even he no longer fits because he's torn himself away and it left chunks ripped out of the shape around him. I still love him. I've never stopped loving him through all of this, it would be easier if I had, I honestly don't know if I ever will, even as I try to move forward. This is shittastic, and I hate it, but I understand why he needs to cut me off, and quite frankly I make him the villain in my own story quite enough, I don't need anyone's help with that, cause, it's, you know, wrong. I am on the other side of town from blameless in all of this. So please... keep the bashing to a minimum? I don't really want to hear it, and it's not as supportive as you may think it is.

The thing that broke the camel's back was me telling him that there would be a few nights where I would not be coming home. I told him this because a couple of weeks ago I ended up staying over at

captainlove's because it was whiteshitting like hell and he couldn't drive me home, and me being "missing" freaked

morlock out. I didn't want to have that happen again. While the implications of why I wouldn't be home upset him to no end,

morlock told me that telling him that was correct. I did not, however, tell him who I'd be with (though I'm pretty sure he's assuming it's

captainlove) because... no. Techincally it's not his business, but also if he has faces to go with the concept of someone besides him sleeping with me, it's so much worse. He later said that was also the right thing, hard as it is for him to not know.

Lastly, this is going to be incredibly hard for me, but I think it needs saying. We've got a crapton of friends in common. If you feel like you need to defriend me or not talk to me anymore over this, let me know, and I'll understand. I won't say I won't be hurt cause I will, but I get it. This sort of thing is hard on us, but it's shitty for everyone around us too, and, well... yeah, there's nothing else to be said here, except to reiterate that this sucks like hell for all involved. It'll be over soon enough though.

I'm gonna try not to talk about it much from here on in. I'm tired of it, all of it. I'm not angry, or really even sad, just kinda dead inside and hurt. But I'm okay, I'm going to be okay, and I do have some things to smile about which will keep me going. He will be too, and also has those things, he'll realize that in time. Should this have happened a long time ago? Can't say, doesn't matter. It's happening now. I'll get through it.

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