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kjpepperIt's okay to still wake up and be hurt over something five years after the fact. Just means something about it didn't get addressed or I didn't allow myself enough time to heal the first time. And you know what happens if something isn't healed and you try to go on functioning like normal.
Also... I don't have to be a rock/island all the time. I wish I knew how to give myself permission to be hurt/angry when things bother me rather than after the fact, when I've met shit fester for a while. Even then it's not so much giving myself permission, it's exploding. Which is worse.
My doctor called me an undercomplainer... I think that's not only true about physical pain. I don't know how to be any other way though... especially since it always seems like when I do complain to people when they're bugging me, it always seems like they won't listen unless I'm pitching a tantrum. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? **
ETA: last paragraph edited for clarification and to sound less emo.
Also... I don't have to be a rock/island all the time. I wish I knew how to give myself permission to be hurt/angry when things bother me rather than after the fact, when I've met shit fester for a while. Even then it's not so much giving myself permission, it's exploding. Which is worse.
My doctor called me an undercomplainer... I think that's not only true about physical pain. I don't know how to be any other way though... especially since it always seems like when I do complain to people when they're bugging me, it always seems like they won't listen unless I'm pitching a tantrum. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? **
ETA: last paragraph edited for clarification and to sound less emo.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-31 04:11 pm (UTC)From my limited perspective here on LiveJournal, it seems to me that quite a few people listen/read your hurts and your angers, and offer support and validation for them.
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Date: 2009-01-31 04:33 pm (UTC)clarification: when I complain directly to the people involved I tend to get brushed off. I'm not talking about big shit (which is what I primarily complain about in here), I'm talking about little "you're crossing a line" flags. Those... get consistently railroaded over by certain people, and often what happens is I try to say something twice and then give up.
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Date: 2009-01-31 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-01 08:03 pm (UTC)I know what you mean... unfortunately some people really just don't notice until you are having that giant tantrum. I'm always a bit embarrassed and ashamed at how well it works.
There is no limit on how long something hurts. I know that wallowing in sorrow and hurt is often a bad idea (and annoying to your friends), but even when I am actively working past it things happen that suddenly bring the pain far closer than I thought it could be.