![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kjpepper[Error: unknown template qotd]
Probably "Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker" from Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Peach. Dahl really did have a knack for delightfully mean, subversive poetry of all stripes, but these two bits of vengeful vitriol, I think, were his best.
The end of "Aunt Sponge" kinda violates the form, but nyeah, don't care. Also, I'm quoting these from memory so some of the words might be wrong. I couldn't find them on Google. Context if you haven't read or seen it: Spiker and Sponge are the two evil aunts, who meet their well-deserved demise when the giant peach rolls over them, squishing them dead.
Aunt Sponge was terrifically fat,
And tremendously flabby at that.
Her tummy and waist
Were as soggy as paste-
It was worse on the place where she sat!
SO she said, "I must make myself flat.
I shall make myself sleek as a cat.
I shall do without dinner
To make myself thinner."
But along came the peach
Oh the beautiful peach
And made her far thinner than that!
Aunt Spiker was thin as a wire,
And dry as a bone, only drier.
She was so long and thin
if you carried her in
You could use her for poking the fire!
"I must do something quickly," she frowned.
"I was FAT. I want pound upon pound!
I must eat lots and lots
of marshmallows and chocs
'Till I start bulging out all around."
"Ah yes," she announced, "I have sworn
That I'll alter my figure by dawn!"
Cried the peach with a snigger,
"I'll alter YOUR figure..."
And ironed her out on the lawn.
And of course, the obligatory favorite dirty limerick (there are so many!):
A couple named William and Nellie,
Spent an hour once stuck at the belly,
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.
ETA: also yoinked from someone else's answer to this:
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
Probably "Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker" from Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Peach. Dahl really did have a knack for delightfully mean, subversive poetry of all stripes, but these two bits of vengeful vitriol, I think, were his best.
The end of "Aunt Sponge" kinda violates the form, but nyeah, don't care. Also, I'm quoting these from memory so some of the words might be wrong. I couldn't find them on Google. Context if you haven't read or seen it: Spiker and Sponge are the two evil aunts, who meet their well-deserved demise when the giant peach rolls over them, squishing them dead.
Aunt Sponge was terrifically fat,
And tremendously flabby at that.
Her tummy and waist
Were as soggy as paste-
It was worse on the place where she sat!
SO she said, "I must make myself flat.
I shall make myself sleek as a cat.
I shall do without dinner
To make myself thinner."
But along came the peach
Oh the beautiful peach
And made her far thinner than that!
Aunt Spiker was thin as a wire,
And dry as a bone, only drier.
She was so long and thin
if you carried her in
You could use her for poking the fire!
"I must do something quickly," she frowned.
"I was FAT. I want pound upon pound!
I must eat lots and lots
of marshmallows and chocs
'Till I start bulging out all around."
"Ah yes," she announced, "I have sworn
That I'll alter my figure by dawn!"
Cried the peach with a snigger,
"I'll alter YOUR figure..."
And ironed her out on the lawn.
And of course, the obligatory favorite dirty limerick (there are so many!):
A couple named William and Nellie,
Spent an hour once stuck at the belly,
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.
ETA: also yoinked from someone else's answer to this:
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-13 07:22 pm (UTC)Who had a magnificent ass.
It was not round and pink,
As you probably think,
But was grey, had four legs, and ate grass.
Isaac Asimov is awesome.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-14 02:51 am (UTC)I had a limerick spring fully formed into my head once when I heard this completley true anecdote:
Ian McKellen heard one MP say
"Homosexuals have lost their way!"
Then he asked, "Ian, sign
This new book of mine!"
So Ian wrote "Fuck you, I'm gay!"
I like to do autobiographical ones, but I also like reading Science Limericks.
That last one you've got is awesome.