The Spam that stole Christmas (Volume 9)

Impressive Omaha Steaks Special; Receive a F REE little princess magical fun gift trio - boyoboy, you know you've been getting dirty junk mail too long when your first thoughts regarding these two ads are nude gay beefcakes from Nebraska and an orgy featuring royalty of short stature. Or at least, Paris Hilton.

kjpeehey did you wtach mnoday ngiht foobtall? - Can you just imagine silly English k-ngiht's playing foobtall? I can. It's sort of amusing. And I am truly frightened if there is someone out there who goes by the handle KJPeehey. Can you imagine getting through kindergarten with a last name like Peehey?

Watts can be dating this week - not that we really care of course, but of course Tkzsz's always looking.

Marines Providing Rear Coverage - okay, I know this probably refers to some military thing but the first thing I thought of here was a public service announcement featuring Marines in full dress uniform issuing powerful and moving statements about how the thong is destroying the moral fiber of America. Maybe they have their own little community service org, like Marines Against Rear Exposure (MARE), that hands out granny panties at fundraisers. Of course, I could just be twisted.


My hotmail seems to be drying up as a source of good junk mail. Never thought I would ever appreciate a full inbox of raw material, but ... whoa. Luckily I have a couple of other fecund spamboxes to check into. So today I peeked into my constantly full spam filter for my work email and found the following demonic entities and Christmas cheer:

KNYYWDDO, the light shadow - Knyywddo seems like a bit of an oxymoron to me. A light shadow?

YDDDWZY, the blood left - Yddwzy obviously was not aware of the existence of luminol before committing the grisly murder.

VVIEEN, magnanimous emperor caesar - Vvieen suffered from delusions of grandeur since she was a child...

VATWIUD, husband soup - The tragic sequence of events of cheating spouse, followed by grokking and cherishing.

GET A BIGGER DICK FOR CHRISTMAS - How the hell do you wrap that? In a poster tube? And could you imagine getting that as a present? "Ooh. Silent Santa, you shouldn't have. No really, you shouldn't have..."

Christmas rapping paper - "Oooh look, NWA's never before released Christmas album, Jingle My Bells, Muthafucker! Silent Santa, you shouldn't have... Seriously."


Forgot to mention last time, but the junk mail entries are now being archived on my web site, so if you want to read back on previous volumes for now you can go here to find them!

Moldphobic's worst nightmare

Was cuddling up to sundart this morning, noticed one of our pillowcases had gotten slightly hairy. Not in the cat hair sense, but more in the black spotty sense. Ew. Tossed both it and the accompanying pillow in the laundry, but both of us felt the need to check out the pillows. All of them were fine. And then we looked in the crack between the head of our bed and the wall and discovered a merrily growing colony of green fuzz on the wall. That was about when I beat a very hasty retreat.

but wait kids, there's more! My yummy futon, which I bought junior year at Smith five years ago may look fine on one side, but further investigation by sundart revealed... well, this.

( ew ew ew ew ew ew ew )

It looks like what might have happened is that one of the cats spilled some water or something sometime since mid-october (the last time anyone flipped the mattress and swept under it), and it seeped both into the floor and into the futon, and then some sentient colonies moved in and took over.

I'm so unhappy right now I can't even speak. Not just because of the mold/mildew, though that will probably keep me from eating until New Year's. But because it looks like my plumptious yummy futon, which still had at least a decade left on it, is pretty much ruined. And I can NOT afford a new one right now.

See what I mean about the universe throwing more and more shit at me? *sigh*

Update, 10:44 am: Okay, sitch more or less resolved. sundart's getting another mattress from Fly by night, we're picking it up today. Cleaning service coming to take care of the current futon on Tuesday. Current state: irritated as fuck, but less panicked. *sigh*

Update, 4:37 pm: beatgoddess hopped online to some classifieds, and found us a futon and a metal futon frame and someone willing to drive it all over to our house for 25 dollars. So we now have a frame (black metal, perfect for tying people to, heh heh), and another futon. My futon will be cleaned on Monday rather than on Tuesday, weee. Did I mention I only got like maybe a couple of hours worth of sleep last night? *sigh*

Ugh what a day!

at the bottom of Saturday - the dishes are almost done, the extended version of LotR: The Two Towers has been watched with darkling_dreams, whom I was glad to see, I only have a third of The Magic of Recluce to go (and started classifying everyone I know as either chaos masters or order masters or something in the middle. I feel like a Psych 101 student who feels the need to diagnose everyone suddenly), we have a new futon frame and a futon about the size of a napkin currently on it, but 'twill serve until the old one is fumigated and cleaned (ugh). The front walk has been sanded and then deiced by chipping by sundart and beatgoddess after one of our neighbors called the police on us instead of wandering over and politely asking us to get to it please. (I suspect the curmudgeons next door - they were the same people who yelled at birkwelch for taking a closer look at one of their trees last summer. Wankers.) The living room rug has been vacuumed and moved into sundart's and my bedroom before moving the new frame in. The vacuum's strange burny smell problem has been solved (go me!) And at least part of the laundry has been done. (More tomorrow. *sigh*) And athene posted to all her friends to go read my junk mail archives. Glad to know I'm amusing folks. :)

I've been up since 5 am on two hours of sleep, and much of that was spent running about freaking. By all accounts I should go to bed, but I probably won't for a bit... wanna finish that book, daydream, and wait up for the ho(mo)s to get home to find out what they thought of RotK.

Oh, and I would just like to say that I hate that cordless phone of ours. Fucking battery problems. *grumble*