Sunday sunrise

I'm awake.

Dawn apparently is much earlier than I thought... I remember when opening my eyes at 6am would mean pitch blackness still, not the pale gray light and the orange flames in the east. My internal clock is still fuckety from the winter solstice, as I was biking back home into the setting sun (but it wasn't quite sunset, the sun was just moving somewhat downward), my body said "3:15," and my head said "no, more like "5:30... and why aren't you wearing a watch?"

...need to find my odometer.

Need to do something productive with my day, other than sleep through it. I mean, I probably need the sleep, but I know the reason why I curl up in bed at ridiculous hours these days has less to do with actual sleepiness and more to do with escaping from the sadness lingering at the edges of my brain waiting to pounce me when I stop paying attention to the efforts of keeping it away, not letting it paralyze me into inertia like usual. It's hard work, and I'm not successful at it consistently but hey, at least I'm trying.

I'm amused by the fact that whenever I bring some SF/F book into the bathroom with me and leave it there, beatgoddess picks it up and promptly gets obsessed with it. Between sundart and I we've managed to get her hooked on the complete adventures of Hawk and Fisher (including the Blue Moon books - yep, we made her read them in order), some Neil Gaiman, some Neal Stephenson, some Tanith Lee, and the latest thing she's absconded with is The Silver Kiss, by Annette Curtis Klause. We just had a conversation about that one, and I told her that when she was done with that she should come get Blood and Chocolate by the same author, which I actually like a whole lot better. I've actually lately developed a hankering for those Anita Blake books - I've read one of them, but wasn't really interested in reading the rest until recently, but a) I don't have the budget for books right now, and b) I need to get through the Thomas Covenant books first... not to mention the semester. I'm sure Anita Blake and her kinky crew of bloodsuckers can wait until after graduation. c) I kinda want to get the latest Nalo Hopkinton first.

PS - for those of you that are actually looking, darkling_dreams informed me last time she was here that Kushiel's Avatar is in paperback now. Meanwhile I need a copy of Kushiel's Chosen in hardcover just so it more or less matches the other two.

Breakfast now, I think. I'm not drinking enough water... but first I have to help the girl find her glasses.

*sigh*

I am currently fists deep in yarn and unruly black hair. But so what else is new? :) It's so weird, how much of my confidence is literally tied up in a kempt head. I seriously think that's a black girl thing. But I do feel more like myself once the hair is done, plus not needed to deal with brushing it on a daily basis is a bonus.

Today was kinda sucktastic all told. sundart rousted me out of my early morning funk and together we managed to tidy up our cesspit room, get the clothing organized, hung, put away, stored or salvation armied. The rug even got vacuumed, it's a little impressive how freakish it is, having more than two square feel of floor not only visible, but not gritty with cat hair and whatever those accursed felines track in. Now lets see if we can more or less keep it clean for a little while. We also did the dishes.

After which I don't know the day just kinda went blah. sundart and I started up with some shenanigans but then somewhere in the middle I started to have a moment where everything caught up with me and it just wasn't working ("she'd've said yes in a New York minute/they never did the deed 'cause her heart wasn't in it"), and then she got all wiggy... So we had about three hours of alternately sulking, then talking about how I'm all wibbly and twitched out and don't ever seem to have the time or the energy to take care of her lately, which is true. I have been taking her for granted, and I have been feeling bad about it. But I can't help the twitchiness, I've built up too much stupidity around me right now. Oh gaaagh, that sounds really self-pitying and whiny - but what else is new? All i've been doing is complaining lately, getting sick of reading my own words... Anyway, I did try to make it up to her, but I think I fell short of the mark again. *facepalm* I've been such a bad girlfriend lately. Stupid school. Stupid life. Stupid tendancy to get wrapped up in trivialities that don't really matter. Bash them good.

In the end, after fighting my way through a good chunk of The Illearth War, I decided in a fit of pique to do my hair, so sundart and I sat in the living room to embark upon catching me up finally with those Buffy/Angel episodes I missed last time around. After popping open the DVD player and finding the Queer as Folk DVD that I supposedly returned yesterday still in the machine. Oops. *sigh* She's since gone to bed, but I'm continuing to have a good time, though a Buffy watching experience is just not the same without Mr. Bunny.

beatgoddess made spicy fish soup... feels yummy in the tummy. thanks girl.

Well, I've got yards of yarn to go before I sleep, so onwards to the seventh hour of vampires vampires rah rah rah.