Yay spring!

bad kitteh

sundart is trying to start seedlings in her and anzovin's room. This is rather hampered by the fact that the cats, Tabitha in particular a) knows she's doing this b) has the knowledge and persistance to bust into the room on occasion in attempts to nibble on the tender vittles inside.

This afternoon this showed up on the door:



( big version )

... i am amused.

*ominous music*

I must say, being a doctor-mandated hemophiliac adds a very special tang of horror movie level suspense to everyday activities... like shaving one's armpits or flossing. D:


On the plus side, i joined thrombi_support on LJ. This place has everything if you look hard enough for it.

What you need may be the thing you fear the most?

All my life I've been terrified to really show others who I am. So I've constructed this... this front, this mask to wear in the presence of others. Not all of it is false, after all the best lies have truth at the root of them. But... I guess I emphasize aspects of myself to cover up, disguise, or distract from the more warty parts of me that I know are there. Really others know they're there too, but it's kind of an elephant in the room type of thing - it doesn't exist if neither of us acknowledge it. I'm terrified of the possibility of my worst aspects being confirmed because then I have to accept that they are real. The masks aren't just for other people... I play with smoke and mirrors so I only have to look at mostly the pleasant sides of myself and not so much the icky bits.

There have been a few people brave enough to step forward and hold true, untainted, untricked mirrors in front of me, to tell me, with brutal honesty, what and who I really am, both good and bad. I've hated them for it, of course, and in some cases the punishments I meted out for their honesty were... cruel is the best word I can think of. But later, always later, and oftentimes too late, I've come to appreciate the honesty. Those that were willing to withstand the hell I put them through in return, the relationship I had with them only strengthened. For others not quite so strong... well. They aren't in my life anymore, or not nearly as much. And with reasons for which I cannot fault them.

I'm a wonderful person to be acquainted with. Any deeper than that, not so much. If I keep you at arm's length, you might want to consider it a blessing. But to those that are and were willing to try once upon a time, those that are still here, and especially those brave souls who are willing to stand up and tell me that I'm being a self-absorbed manipulative bitch when I'm actually being one? Thank you.

Bah

I really shouldn't take it personally when someone /gquits. Doesn't mean I don't.