kjpepper | WHAT THE FUCK?

That's it, I've completely had it.

I'm going to tell this story with no names. Those who know the story, those who are in the story (and who are reading this), and those who have a pretty damn good idea of who I'm talking about know of what I speak, and I need not get more public than that, especially as I suck at being vague. All questions pertaining to "is this referring to so and so" will be studiously ignored - if you know, you know, and if you don't, don't ask.

I told a pretty flagrant lie three weeks ago. The motivations weren't great, but I told myself it was necessary to preserve everyone's sanity. I didn't want to deal with the effects the truth might have on Person-Lied-To, Person-Lied-To would be spared another nervous breakdown over a situation that was quite frankly none of their making but that Person-Lied-For was making worse all on their own, Person-Lied-For got a break from dealing with the situation which was driving them to distraction as well (never mind that it was initially their lying that had gotten us all into this in the first place). However, the truth was majorly upsetting Person-Lied-To... so... *sigh* Charming, I know, but we're human and we're nasty little buggers, and I hate conflict and confrontation and run from it, anyone who knows me well knows this. I'm a coward. It's not the best aspect of my personality, but here I am putting it out there, and attempting to deal with it.

This situation did not wear well on my conscience, and in fact turned into yet another thing stressing me out this month on top of everything else. I was making efforts to deal effectively with my bullshit all day today (which included dealing with my mother for the first time in months, and with the class dean to sort out my class fuckery, but more about that later) so when Person-Lied-To asked me straight up whether I had indeed lied about such and such thing, as I'd hinted at it in my LJ this morning, I quieted the little crew of Monty Python's Knights of the Round Table telling me to "Run Away! Run Away!" and answered; yes I had, here's why, I'm sorry.

Get a few emails back, with the expected angry reactions, that was fine, no more, no less than I deserved. The last one piqued me a bit, as Person-Lied-To had apparently called Person-Lied-For, who told Person-Lied-To that I was lying.

(Is this reminding anyone else of that scene in Labyrinth where Sarah has to pick one of two doors, one of which leads to the castle and the other to Certain Death?)

Okay, that I could deal with as well. Wasn't happy about it, but nyeh. Write Person-Lied-To a short note, saying blah blah blah, don't expect you to believe me considering, but it was weighing on me for a little while, had to tell you, do with the info what you will, wish you all the best. Not the best outcome to the situation as I lost a potential new friend, but that was my fault, I shouldn't have lied in the first place, of course it wasn't going to be pretty when it finally came out, of course there would be some measure of sheer hell to pay. Point was, it was off of my conscience, I'd done my best to finally do right by Person-Lied-To in the end... okay. End of story, right?

Nope, gets better.

Come home, check the messages, find two irate ones from Person-Lied-For, both timestamped BEFORE I'd even sent a reply back to Person-Lied-To. Last one was priceless. "Andee, I'd appreciate it if you'd give me a call, I'd also appreciate it if you'd STOP FUCKING WITH (Person-Lied-To)'s HEAD, we had an agreement, and I need you to stick with it..." blah blah blah, didn't really hear the rest I was still too busy scraping my jaw off the floor.

Fucking with Person-Lied-To's head?

*shakes with anger*

I'm not saying I'm guiltless here, I'm trying to fucking fix something I majorly fucked up. Instead I get accused of playing head games FROM THE PERSON ORCHESTRATING THE HEAD GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE.

dot. dot. dot.

I so don't need this right now, especially not from Person-Lied-For. And I'm not calling back. You wanna play games that's fine. But I'm done playing them for you, and I will not be on the receiving end of your misguided wrath, even if it does kill me to know you're pissed at me. Whatever. I've made my own choices and boy howdy, am I paying my own prices. Fucking pay yours for a change.