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kjpepperI think club and poly meetup will be good for me tonight, as I spent all of today in varying grades of raucous annoyance. Mostly at myself and shit I need to accomplish and the usual celebrity batshit circus of keeping atop the chaos that constantly surrounds me (shit, that's exhausting some days), but of course stemming from that is annoyance at outside things that probably normally would not warrent such a reaction. Anyway, I've been rather petulant and waspish all afternoon, and may be this evening as well - hopefully I'll get to dance it out of my system later. I'm hoping it's just birthday weekend denouement and not something too much deeper than that.
In good news today, I told the gang at work about Thursday's little surprise and got the laugh of the week in return from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rukasboy, who said he'd even go in drag if he got to be my something of something. The thought of OMG hot boy in girldrag is really hilarious. I'm going to see if I can redeem that offer in some other direction, but in the meantime, now that the *garghk* OMG? phase is over I get to enter the wonderful world of worrying, especially about the prospect of giving my folks the news. Other than Stanley, who's cool. *sigh* I dunno, I have the weird sinking feeling that the time ahead will entail some serious personal demon facage, which scares the crap out of me, but I'm trying really hard to stop myself from running screaming and to do something constructive with this shit. Cause, you know what, it's really fucking exhausting being scared of shit all the time, especially as I know how driven and powerful I can get when I let go of the fear and accomplish things. Also need to think about how serious of a wedding thing this is going to be - I really don't want a five ring circus. I want something different, more low key, less formal... I guess instead of "come witness us do this thing," I want more of a "come help us celebrate this." so more focus on party than ceremony I guess. But things are liable to change as sunny and I think about this more. Right now on the to do list is find her ring by our anniversary next month, and get around to the very nasty business of informing the folks that they no longer have the option of plausible deniability.
...plausible deniability. Jeez. Somebody's been watching a wee bit much of Law & Order lately.
Anycrap. That's your glimpse into the headspace for today. I need to go do dishes and other stuff before the meetup and the havening so I'd best bounce.
In good news today, I told the gang at work about Thursday's little surprise and got the laugh of the week in return from
rukasboy, who said he'd even go in drag if he got to be my something of something. The thought of OMG hot boy in girldrag is really hilarious. I'm going to see if I can redeem that offer in some other direction, but in the meantime, now that the *garghk* OMG? phase is over I get to enter the wonderful world of worrying, especially about the prospect of giving my folks the news. Other than Stanley, who's cool. *sigh* I dunno, I have the weird sinking feeling that the time ahead will entail some serious personal demon facage, which scares the crap out of me, but I'm trying really hard to stop myself from running screaming and to do something constructive with this shit. Cause, you know what, it's really fucking exhausting being scared of shit all the time, especially as I know how driven and powerful I can get when I let go of the fear and accomplish things. Also need to think about how serious of a wedding thing this is going to be - I really don't want a five ring circus. I want something different, more low key, less formal... I guess instead of "come witness us do this thing," I want more of a "come help us celebrate this." so more focus on party than ceremony I guess. But things are liable to change as sunny and I think about this more. Right now on the to do list is find her ring by our anniversary next month, and get around to the very nasty business of informing the folks that they no longer have the option of plausible deniability....plausible deniability. Jeez. Somebody's been watching a wee bit much of Law & Order lately.
Anycrap. That's your glimpse into the headspace for today. I need to go do dishes and other stuff before the meetup and the havening so I'd best bounce.
