Oh yeah...
Apr. 11th, 2005 08:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kjpepperthe previous thought wasn't what I was originally going to post about, but by the time I'd finished putting the laundry in the dryer and had sat back down, I'd forgotten the original thought. That's me though. Just call me Brain Like Sieve.
I find most of the time I filter myself. Not just once, but many layers of cheesecloths separate raw me from the world, cause I have a problem trusting that people will not take what they find under the cheesecloth well. Paranoid? yeah, maybe a little, but it's one of the things I'm working on, especially when I see how people with far fewer filters (*cough*anzovin*cough*) operate and envy them... god, I'd be so much less stressed about social crap if I just linked my brain directly to my mouth sometimes...
So Friday night, I was having a conversation with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morlock where I told him ok, lets try this - for the entire duration of the weekend, I'll turn off the filters with you and see what happens. It's been... interesting. I expected it to be a little scarier than it was, that maybe I'd just turn into raging bitchwench and feast on his brains or something, and granted I did have a couple of flares of temper that normally I would simply squash back immediately to the point where I'd forget I'd even had one five minutes later. But I couldn't this time... and it was interesting just to actually have a fit about shit that upset me and then talk it out. But yeah, it's so fucked up how I don't allow myself to get upset about anything... or no, that's not right, I do get upset, I just only let it out in trickles. That's gotta be unhealthy.
Anyway... just interesting is all.
I find most of the time I filter myself. Not just once, but many layers of cheesecloths separate raw me from the world, cause I have a problem trusting that people will not take what they find under the cheesecloth well. Paranoid? yeah, maybe a little, but it's one of the things I'm working on, especially when I see how people with far fewer filters (*cough*anzovin*cough*) operate and envy them... god, I'd be so much less stressed about social crap if I just linked my brain directly to my mouth sometimes...
So Friday night, I was having a conversation with
morlock where I told him ok, lets try this - for the entire duration of the weekend, I'll turn off the filters with you and see what happens. It's been... interesting. I expected it to be a little scarier than it was, that maybe I'd just turn into raging bitchwench and feast on his brains or something, and granted I did have a couple of flares of temper that normally I would simply squash back immediately to the point where I'd forget I'd even had one five minutes later. But I couldn't this time... and it was interesting just to actually have a fit about shit that upset me and then talk it out. But yeah, it's so fucked up how I don't allow myself to get upset about anything... or no, that's not right, I do get upset, I just only let it out in trickles. That's gotta be unhealthy.Anyway... just interesting is all.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-11 06:48 pm (UTC)*sigh* wonder-twin powers, activate. /weary sarcasm.
you told me, not too long ago, that you were willing to listen to the nasty. i'm willing to do the same for you, too. *hugs* and it is interesting how we censor ourselves, whatever the reasoning behind it. sometimes i wonder if that's part of human make-up as well-- the need for camoflauge, etc.