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kjpepper...things really were as simple as I'd like them to be.
...I could hold on to my fast dissolving rose colored glasses.
...reality didn't always have to suck so much.
...I didn't sound like such a spoiled whiny bitch when I get like this.
...I didn't feel like I always get dealt an interesting but essentially worthless hand all the time.
...I could take things at face value and trust them for what they are.
...I could rewind time so I could do the dumb things better and the good things over again, just as they were.
...I felt like I could cry over silly things without getting any shit from anyone, both inside my head and outside.
...I didn't feel like I swallowed something spiky that is now stuck midway down my throat.
...everything was as easy as kissing the booboos better.
...I could forget everything again, just for a little while longer.
...I didn't have this sour feeling in my mouth.
...I didn't have to deal with the aftermath of concerned "Are you okay??"s this post is going to generate, and yet somehow i crave the attention.
...I could feel like I could feel something without second-guessing it somehow.
...I didn't hurt so much.
Mais c'est ma vie maintenant.
Merde. Je déteste tout.
...I could hold on to my fast dissolving rose colored glasses.
...reality didn't always have to suck so much.
...I didn't sound like such a spoiled whiny bitch when I get like this.
...I didn't feel like I always get dealt an interesting but essentially worthless hand all the time.
...I could take things at face value and trust them for what they are.
...I could rewind time so I could do the dumb things better and the good things over again, just as they were.
...I felt like I could cry over silly things without getting any shit from anyone, both inside my head and outside.
...I didn't feel like I swallowed something spiky that is now stuck midway down my throat.
...everything was as easy as kissing the booboos better.
...I could forget everything again, just for a little while longer.
...I didn't have this sour feeling in my mouth.
...I didn't have to deal with the aftermath of concerned "Are you okay??"s this post is going to generate, and yet somehow i crave the attention.
...I could feel like I could feel something without second-guessing it somehow.
...I didn't hurt so much.
Mais c'est ma vie maintenant.
Merde. Je déteste tout.
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if it's any comfort to you...
Date: 2003-10-20 06:46 pm (UTC)- not taking things at face value, not trusting appearances, and not having rose-colored glasses could all be interpreted as signs of maturity and wisdom rather than cynicism. just depends on the degree.
- feeling without second-guessing & crying over "silly" things: yeah, i get that, too. it really is ok to feel whatever it is you're feeling. if it bothers you that you're feeling a particular way about something, try to figure out where the feeling comes from and what's triggering it. the key, ive found, is that while you're sorting out where it's coming from, be as objective as possible- like you're being your own therapist. a good therapist doesn't say "well that's a stupid reason to feel X", or "that's a silly thing to get upset over", they just try to figure out why you do then how you can either manage the feeling or take steps to avoid the situation.
i guess the point of all that rambling is: try not to be so hard on yourself, hun. *hugz*