Andee from the internet.

I don't know what the blessed bloody hell happened to me yesterday, but good gods, it was nasty. The good news that lots of liquid and sleep seems to have gotten the worst of it out of my system and I woke up this morning feeling much better.

But oog. No more chinese food I think for a while, or at least nothing that tastes like chicken with broccoli in brown garlic sauce. Gah.

Anyway, I'm taking the fact that I'm actually hungry this morning as a good sign, and plan to take it easy today. Cream of rice, I think, is in order, seeing as my guts are still kinda sore.

I've finished Hell and Earth as well, and am amused at how that took me far less time to finish than Ink and Steel. Much less slashy, and more with the political intrigue/sorcery, but I'm really okay with that. Onwards to The Scar, and then I'm done with and can return all the borrowed books.

Meme whorage:

Get your own valentinr

Being trapped in bed with the sicks also gives one time to think, in between the times when distracting oneself with books doesn't work. I've been revisiting the topic of this entry a lot (yeah, it's locked, sorry - basically, me whining about my lack of self-esteem) and realizing just how badly this has undermined all of my relationships in the last six or so years, not to mention risen up to bite me in the ass for the last decade and a half. My first temptation is to winnow out where it all started, but I'm not giving into that sort of navel gazing behavior this time - you don't treat cancer by trying to pinpoint which cell started the rampant illegal multiplying, you go after what's already there with the nastiest chemicals/radiation the patient can stand. Cause goddamn it, I'm 30 years old, and I'm damn sick of letting my own lack of faith in myself fuck up my life (and by extension, other people's lives) anymore.

So mote it be. *decisive nod* and now to give into the growlings of my stomach and test whether I can eat something sorta solid.

Coming to work, after two days of being sick and a night where first you went to bed late and then couldn't sleep because you were having very loud dreams/auditory hallucinations of someone playing a four register pipe organ in your head (basically if Bach had made a theme and variations fugue type thing of the WoW music in Aldrassil that would have been pretty damn close to what I was hearing) is a pretty bad idea. It gets worse if you postpone caffiene consumption to after 11am.

I'm ok. I have coffee now. But I nearly hit nervous breakdown land a few times this morning. But seriously, that organ shit last night was fucked up. Like I thought I was dreaming but when I woke up (and I was awake, I checked) the noise didn't stop. And it was pretty deafening too - if you crammed a church organ into a 1 bedroom apartment and then had someone practicing at 3am, you wouldn't be able to sleep either.

In other news, I morlock and a few of bluewindkitsune's folks have started up a ragtag WoW party. This should be a fun time waster for a few evenings this month. I'm not sure how I'll like the game once the ooooh shiny newness of playing wears off - yes it's very pretty, but I've spent quite a bit of time watching morlock play so... dunno. Right now it's fun and we're going to have a group to play with, so we'll see how far that goes. I think after I get bored with it though I'm going to take a break from MMORPGs for a while - I'm burnt out on puzzle pirates right now as well, and I've got quite a bit of other crap going on in real life to be keeping up with in-game politics elsewhere. So I'm going to try not to let it take over my soul as it has done so many others. :)

Up to episode 15 in Lost season 2. Much more with the WhatTheCrap. And Studio 60? Amazing amazing show I see why morlock wants to have Aaron Sorkin's babies, biological impossibility notwithstanding. Watch it next week.

That's all. Going to go quietly insane at work now.

yoinked from kshandra:



in other news, guess why I'm up. :( *sigh* I went to bed early too. damn it.

I'm glad it's warm drink season, actually. I'm starting to become quite the teatotaler (sp?), which I find almost as amusing as morlock taking his tea British style. Trying to decide if I want to take up my usual winter Swiss Miss habit - while cocoa is warm and yummy, I have to wonder what all of that powder does to my system, especially since I make it about three times more concentrated than the box dictates.

back to bed with me: lets see if I can go for a while without coughing up a lung.

[edit] thanks to dionethoughts for correcting my erroneous use of the word teetotaler. Which apparently has nothing to do with tea at all. Learn something new every day.

Wow. I have never had a 17 hour headache before. This is NOT cool.

So at 4am I woke up with a need to pee and a headache, centered in my left temple. Whatever. I got up, drank water, went to the bathroom, and went to go keep morlock company while he got ready to run off to Bumblefuck MA for a assbutt early meeting. Went back to bed around six.

Got back up at 7:30. Headache is now excruciating, and has spread to encompass not only the entire left side of my face, but the sinus pressure is a) making my left eye a fearsome shade of red, and b) causing all of my molars on that side on the top to throb. Normally at this point I would have been like "to hell with this, I'm staying home" but I had a meeting this morning and I really hate bailing on clients. So I got dressed, murmuring a litany of "ow ow ow ow" all the while, and bravely went to work.

Spent a good bit of my morning holding my neck and head rigid so that my vision wouldn't swim and managed to smile and be my usual, if croaky, helpful self during the meeting. At some point before this, another meeting got tacked on to my morning, but by then the pain had faded somewhat to a dull ache and was much more ignorable. Meeting done, two little things wrapped up, and I escaped thankfully on a 1:40 bus. Came home to the gentle hugs of my Lady, who put me to bed and drew all of the shades for me. Went to sleep.

Woke up. Headache still at a dull ache. sydneycat had just come home, and she stayed to administer migraine meds and rant about her day, which was almost as bad for different reasons. Began to feel better enough to get out of bed and venture into brighter climes, so I wandered upstairs with a load of white wash and stayed to hang out. Put the wash in the dryer, and the dryer pointedly refuses to turn on, despite the cursing, unplugging, replugging, circuit throwing and more cursing. Landlady was called. Wash still in non-functioning dryer. Oh well. Commando for me for a couple of days.

Was better enough to romp a little bit (in the tickling sense, not the dirty sense) with morlock when he came home, but probably due to a little too much TV started hurting again. This whole time I could still feel a terrific amount of pressure around my left eye. Goddamn sinuses. Slightly better after a hot steamy shower (dry air on already abused membranes is just scads of wonderful, lemme tell you) but now I'm welcoming the dark quiet of an empty house with no lights on. Head still more or less killing me, if not with pain, then with pressure.

I'd like to state for the record that after a week of this bullshit, I'm officially done with the whole being sick thing. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, but if I don't I ain't messing around - I'm gonna go to class, and then I'm going to call the hell in. I think I've been ignoring the "Lay down and rest, fool!" message for too long.

And now to bed.

Terrifying highs of the evening: Went to dinner and movie with sydneycat. We saw the Weather Man... which was funny, extremely depressing and somehow managed to be somewhat touching underneath the relentless feeling of utter self-loathing that drove the movie. inle_rah, just a warning - copious use of VO. Overall I was not disappointed, just... I donno. Quiet I guess. 'Course I did have to vent some vitriol all over the gaggle of spritzhead girls that were in our row and not only talked through the movie but talked at normal conversation volume through the movie. On the way out, I turned to them and said "If you want to loudly talk through a movie, rent the DVD next time." Cause I'm all for very quietly whispering to the person next to you, but the entire theater doesn't need to hear your loud gum chewing opinion.

Quote of the evening - sydneycat and I are standing in front of the theater considering the choices, one of which being Get Rich or Die Tryin':

sydneycat: No... I'm too white to see that movie.
kjpepper: Hon, I'm too white to see that movie.

The middles (not creamy, yuck) involve various interesting and weird conversations about spirituality with morlock and sydneycat today. There once was a time where while I didn't follow a path/tradition or have a pantheon (the most I did was offer the Goddess bubble gum once in a while), I still could call myself a practicing Pagan and was quite good at magick if it involved fire. I'm feeling drawn to it again, maybe actually dedicate myself to the Divine Whom It May Concern for a while. Or start talking to Yemaya again. At the very least, the time has come to reread Jambalaya.

The dizzying lows, and I mean that literally: between both sundart and morlock fighting off various bugs this week, eating bad things and not sleeping very much, I feel like shit right now. I started feeling crappy right before I'd left work, after contending with post-nasal drip all day, but after the movie the sick just hit me like, well, a car. Weak, dizzy, sore throat, sore everything really, and my head feels both too heavy and too light simultaneously. And it hurts my ears when I yawn. And my jaw is spasming. After the movie, before we got out in the cold even, it was wicked hard to talk because my jaw muscles were so seized up and my tongue didn't work right. It felt a bit like I took a massive hit of novacaine in the lower jaw, except I could still feel stuff, just not control it very well. I mean, shit. I was gonna go to work tomorrow even though it's a holiday (a for the monies, but b) no one else in the Amoeba gets the day off so why bother staying home?), but now I'm seriously rethinking that plan, or at least thinking that if I do go, it will be for a half day. I'm also beginning to rethink any further plans for my evening other than stripping, crawling into bed and moaning until anzovin delivers an equally sick sundart home, and then both of us can be curled up and miserable together.

Yeah... that sounds like a plan. Off with me then.