Googlisms...

I think it was the last time gossamer_gull and I went to Haven, she happened to mention a web site called Googlism... type in your name, and using the Google engine it spits out what it comes up with.

The results are pretty funny, and work really well if you have a somewhat unusual, but not too, name (try your first and last name). I've poked in some of my friends, and the results have been pretty amusing.

Anyway, here are the best ones for me. My favorites are bolded.

Googlism for: andee

andee is 18 and wants her cherry popped
andee is a female newfoundland from solon
andee is almost 100% back to normal
andee is on a pepsi and meat diet - take me to the meat!
andee is 7 years old
andee is the actress of the group having been in several plays recently and a rendition of the sound of music
andee is fine; what a babydoll she is
andee is a member of our web development team - this one actually does refer to me, I recognize the wording.
andee is spending time with hair stylist marisa demarco
andee is sexy
andee is a cute short hair grey tiger - oh, Roy...
andee is a blend of 50% fine alpaca and 50% wool - as long as I don't itch with extended wear.
andee is wickedly funny
andee is my best friend
andee is 11 - Once upon a time, I was.
andee is everything one would want and more
andee is a huge providencerock fan
andee is talking to me and says
andee is best puppy in match at vicksburg kennel club - because I'm such the perfect Newfoundland.
andee is most assuredly a gorgeous puppy - It's all about these big brown eyes...
andee is such a creative and vivacious young lady
andee is on a constant quest to learn
andee is my sister
andee is especially fond of disc two
andee is jetzt wichtiger - I am who?
andee is too busy to waste time surfing the web
andee is under the chair
andee is very happy
andee is still pretty hot but really where is her character going - if only I knew, pal.
andee is a classically trained violinist and a member of the school's instrumental ensemble - Yeah, if I kept up with it. *sigh*
andee is an excellent cook and brought a whole assortment of cold salads and dessert breads to go with kfc
andee is free now
andee is a monster drummer who knows the value of silence - What is the sound of a silent drummer?
andee is pretty well trained for a slowpoke
andee is a handsome stallion - *checks down pants* Hate to disappoint, but no. Next life, though.
andee is nice
andee is lucky to be alive - don't I know it. And each one of my days is a gift.

A short drop, a sudden stop and a thought to chew on.

While I don't exactly feel like I was hanged, I do feel that sudden lurch where you come to the end of your rope, don't know it, keep going, get yanked backwards quickly, suddenly, and painfully.

I've burned through my anger. This does not surprise me, I'm a mercurial creature and go through moods like a rich California blonde goes through designer sandals. Now I'm back to that quiet, numb state I go to that allows me to pick up the pieces and go on. It isn't a bad state to be in, other than the fact that it is not a truly active state, so I'm going to have to force myself to get shit accomplished despite it. Hell. I get shit done when I'm angry. *sigh* But anger is tiring. Then again so's the rest of my emotional spectrum, so I'm kinda welcoming the calm numbness. There are drawbacks to being so volatile.

Learned something this week. Bad shit happens when I let my weaknesses and fear rule me. I kinda like it when my inner Domme takes control and turns me into a capable in-control person for, like, a minute. I shouldn't worry so goddamn much about what other people think of me, nor should I place all of my self-esteem in the judgments of others. The answer to "how soon is now?" is "whenever you want it to be." Oh yeah, and man, I post too goddamn much when there's a fuse lit on my tampon. (Oh yeah, that's right, gotta keep an eye on that monthly batshittery is showing up...) *rueful smile* Ah well. I shouldn't worry about that last one. If people don't want to read my drek, they skip it, and no hard feelings are had. but thank you to those who take the time to keep up with the celebrity clusterfuck circus that is my life.

Ran across a quote from Ron Perlman this morning as I was surfing a bit and trying to figure out how to bite into my LJ today:

"I've always felt there were aspects of me that were monstrous, and you can either hide from it or confront it, embrace it and understand that those are aspects that make you unique and define you and motivate you. You can either overwhelm or overcompensate for them -- but they truly define you as a human being...So that life became a question of either dealing with this monstrousness in one way or another...One finds a way to understand and make friends with that monster and understand that that's the very thing that makes you who you are. That's your emotional and spiritual fingerprint."

You know, besides the obvious giggling triggered by this comment (it is, after all Ron Perlman saying it) this is actually fairly wise. One of the biggest bugs up my ass is that I'm always so fucking worried that if I don't carefully keep the masks clamped over my uglier aspects, everyone will hate me once they see that I'm not the cheerfully hyper, la-dee-da girl I play on TV (or that's what it feels like). I recently yelled at timarok about this, how he doesn't trust others to accept the ugliness under the mask as well as the pretty facade on top of it, but upon thinking about it, I do the exact same thing. *shakes head* I have no patience for traits in others that I can't stand in myself, that's always been one of my faults, and yet it is such a hypocritical way to be. Gotta work on that.

*sigh* I don't know. I'm tired of being scared, tired of leashing my inner monsters and pretending they don't exist, when really that just makes them bigger, badder, and meaner and prone to cause more damage when they do come out. And so this is me, starting out by telling/warning everyone, I guess. I'm Andee. I'm pretty deeply flawed, I have a worse temper than even I realize, am prone to bouts of verbosely melodramatic depression, tend to cut into those closest to me when shit hurts me, am lazy as fuck, am a spoiled brat, a Meddlesome Negro™ *smile*, when I get cornered my first instinct is to lie like a board to get out of it, say mean things to people that I later realize I don't mean especially when I realize that they hurt, and yes, damn it if someone offered to take care of me so that all I had to do was write the stories parading in my head and boing around being the foolish free spirit I always have been, I'd so jump at the chance. I suck at deadlines, I'm painfully messy, and I tend to push people away instead of opening up and letting them see who I am. I'm also very human, honestly don't mean to be such the bitch that I often am, and never set out to hurt anyone initially (though I think I've managed to seriously hurt every single person close to me at one point or another anyway... *sigh*). You can also talk to me. Really, I don't bite unless invited.

That said... well, if you're even reading this far, the question of "can you still deal with/accept/like/love me" is pretty much answered.

I also think that for the first time, I'm dealing with all of this in a somewhat effective fashion. Here's hoping I continue.

One day at a time. I can really do this.

FUCK!

Okay, the universe needn't scare me like that again.

8:40, running late for my appointment at the Jacobson Center about my English paper, and I'm running around stuffing things into my backpack in preparation for my day. I come down to putting on my coat and the last thing I do before I leave the house is put my headphones on and boot up my Nomad, so I can bike to class to some tunes.

Except I couldn't find my little blue toy.

Anywhere.

It dawns on me that the last place I saw it was in the Bass lab where I have my CS class. I had taken it out of my coat becuase the headphones were bothering me. And apparently left it there in the mad scramble to meet with my professor on time and then dash off to catch a bus to the mall.

FUCK.

Keep a cool head on my shoulders and call the Bass Lab. They make me describe it (Okay, it's blue, it's got a little green screen on it, and this thing is so old and well loved that it's completely scratched up and all of the buttons have their labels worn off). But they've rescued it for me.

A little ridiculous how that thing is that important to me, but I would probably wither and die without my music. And my Nomad is probably my most cherished possession - on the same level as the rose keychain was before I lost that (and was completely devastated - I'm still hoping it turns up in the house somewhere. The keys attached to it would be nice too) and my gold yoni necklace...

Okay, I can stop panicking now, I think. Sheesh.

To think that such a thing exists...

*cry* I want a Ford Ranger EV, goddamn it! And they're just going to crush them???

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/28/automobiles/28AUTO.html?ex=1082779200&en=b51a5761c325eeae&ei=5006&partner=ALTAVISTA1

fucking fossil fuel based economy bash it good need to fucking stop destroying this planet with our own stupidity growl grump grumble... fuck gotta go to class now.