rambles and ITS MY BIRTHDAY

Yeah I know I should be asleep, stop yelling at me. I went to bed at 10:30 thank you. and believe you me, were it not for the screaming demands of a bladder full to ANGRY I would be quite peacefully still rediscovering that Yes Virginia! I can once again sleep on my side in a real! Live! Bed! But you can't reason with overly full bladders. They do not care if you have had abdominal surgery, noooooooooooo. OW. Not a great way to wake up, ugh.

So here I am. AND TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. Rar.

I so feel a little bit like the beginning of Coming To America where someone says "Happy Birthday, Your Highness" and Akeem's all like "BIG DUMB SMILE why yes, yes, it is my birthday isn't it?" Hence my Prince auf Zamunda icon.I really have nothing lined up except out to lunchy/dinner thing of some sort with morlock and then some curling up in front of self righteous debate coverage and yelling at the TV later. I'm temporarily off refined sugar, so no jello cake just yet BUT I do get birthday steak! no seriously, there's gonna be steak and someone's gonna stick a candle in it for me. I'm thrilled. And that's about as it should be. I've got nothing huge to do, and it's going to be heroically annoying to actually rest and heal.

Gods, I'm bad at this whole DUDE you just had EMERGENCY ABDOMINAL SURGERY WTH SIT DOWN problem so my brain has sort of been hamsterwheeling and making idle to do lists to fill the silences, cause if they go on too long I still hear nurse call bells. (Though I must say, having easy net in reach definitely helps that!) I'm trying really really hard not to push things, but I know what I'm like, so... *shrug* I'll get over it, I know, and it does go a bit easier when I actually relax and trust that seriously you know what? it's okay, I'm gonna be fine, the human body is an amazing machine and I need to trust it more. Actually a good chunk of this whole mess could probably stem from me not trusting it at all after the blood clot earlier. Believe me, there was some brooding about working WITH my body instead of against it last night while morlock was up trying to get me calmed down and asleep and breathing like a normal person instead of Amy Winehouse or something. So... Myeh.

ANYWAY. TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY. And I have decided that I would like a couple of things, if people have time today.

austingoddess: some excuse to post something with the Everybody Batdance icon.

Neth: some debauched AG picture of the gang busted doing something that would probably excite Taffy (but no rhumba pants, lol) And the hip shaking Tinkerbell icon of yours.

fin - OMG that picture! *dies* it looks so good! I didn't actually have a request for you I just remember I wanted to say that and wanted to make sure I didn't forget it.

padparadscha - post something with the lobot dance icon. masteradept just HAD to remind me that robot chicken dance sequence existed out there purely to make me happy.

Rest of you kangaroos - send me your imageboard/4chan/political macro worst. I require much laughter today.

Okay, I think that's it for my birthday decrees. ;)

This evening was good overall. It is beyond awesome to be back home, even though the place is a little bit scary in all it's life interrupted last week not being hereness, but there were cats and friends and Rock Band 2 and miso soup and getting to sleep in my own bed with my own soft yummy sheets and no hand sanitizer ever at all ever. Still trying to negotiate truce terms with the belly, cause honestly, I'm still freaked out by it, but so far I haven't seem to have awakened holding my intestines, so I'm going to try to be a little less gingery about it. Especially since Holly (my surgeon) is all like "What's wrong with you! Get in the shower! SCRUB IT!" Hmph. :)

I should probably try to head back to bed and figure out how to maneuver myself into a comfy sleeping spot again. Gods, you would not believe how messed the hell up my back is from this experience... when I'm up to it I'm gonna pay a visit to a chair massage spot, yowsa.

Oh and last thing?

I finally got a chance to reread my posts from over the past week. WOW MORPHINE IS A HELLOVA DRUG. Holy crap I'm kinda sorry I didn't post MOAR while loopy, it's some serious comedy gold up in there. But yeah, while I'm sure in my drugged fog I read each comment as received, it was like I was reading them all for the first time today. Thank you so much for all the love, guys. I really couldn't have done this without you.

yeah yeah, I'm goin I'm goin *shuffles back to bed*

(no subject)

Okay. you. Bladder. This isn't gonna happen. I need more warning than NOW to go empty you. Cut that the fuck out. Same with you, rectum. Yes, I realize you're proud of your lovely little ornamentations to Bladder's hollerings, and while I'm very glad to see that you've eliminated red from your palette, the two of you together when me and abdomen are trying to haul our asses out of bed and then downstairs to accommodate your works is a bit much right now. So y'all need to shut up and get a grip.

Tummy, I'm sorry you have to put up with these brats and my wibbling doubts as to your integrity while you heal. But thanks for your patience and keep doing what you're doing.

Man, this rate I wonder how long it will actually be before I'll be able to comfortably sleep through the night.

I'm pretty sure a good quarter of this only makes sense because I took a Percoset about 20 min ago..

Today was full of quiet, lovely moments of well wishings and love. Spent almost the entire day being spoiled by sundart, and having long ass heart to hearts... also there was periodic sleepage, which gets easier... provided I pee before I lay down. :P Bladder's still a brat.

Today was kinda the first day post hospital unwinding at home sort of deal and I can feel it. it's like my muscles are starting to recover from their hell and as things relax and try to unclench and fall into place, it pulls and hurts and is generally reminding me that yeah, whoa, I went through something. It's like, okay, the immediate stuff is taken care of for the most part, now comes the hard part. The relaxing. The not pushing myself, the allowing for sleep, and tired and healing. It's really far more easier said than done let me tell you. I hate feeling tired and vulnerable and weak, even if it is understandable. I hate that I can't bounce up and down the stairs like I normally do. I hate that I have to put a hand over my stitches cause coughing burns. Those sorts of things. it's quite a conundrum because I hate having to be the one taken care of, and yet I suck at doing it myself. And then there's the whole thing where my body is kinda freaky and unrecognizable - I'm still swollen like hell (we figured out that being on prednizone don't help with that at all), my feet get cold, and I still am, obvious scars aside, pretty busted from a week or so in the hospital... bruises, scabs, stretch marks, the fact that I STILL can't get the telemetry adhesive off my skin without taking my skin off, the odd little scar on my neck from the port... it's a lot to get used to... plus the sack full of meds that I'm taking right now and the fact that I can now permanently taste one and graagh.

At least me and the incision scar are grudgingly making friends. I successfully managed a shower today... gods, hot water never felt so damn good, I never wanted to come out.

It's kinda funny really, sunny brought up an amusing point about it being my birthday, and how essentially, I'm here. I made it. I completed successfully 30 years of existence, and I'm not dead... even if I had to crash land into my fourth decade. Point being... I made it here. That's something to celebrate indeed. It's interesting... nothing like ow and sick to really make a person appreciate how hard day to day survival is... and everyone has their own stuff they have to soldier through every single day, and it all comes down to at the end of the day... did you survive? If the answer is yes, that is a fabulous thing indeed. Course then, you have to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. ;)

Tonight - birthday steak, debate, and definitely more sleep....

gastronomic bliss

medium rare, perfectly tender, perfectly dead and tasty. Ohh yes, this is the stuff that's gonna make me get better.

That and sunny got me some gruyere. :) I'm feeling rather spoiled.

back to chewing...

Tweets for Today

Andee...

• 01:42 is home, and glad to be reunited with house, cats and computer. And is 30, wtf. Happy birthday to me.
• 02:09 is going to bed for real. No really look, here I go...
• 07:57 is wondering how the hell the temperature got all subarctic while she was gone. brrr!
• 11:09 is sore
• 18:56 is sleepy and happy
• 20:39 is slowly, happily and methodically chewing her way trhough the best medium rare possible.
• 21:36 is listening to the debate, and breathing.
• 22:24 is too tired to watch the rest of this. g'night intarnets

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