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*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Sep. 10th, 2008 02:59 am*insert scathingly brilliant and wittily written rant about emotionally/physically abusive relationships that I will never have the brainpower or really the care to write*
If you're actually reading this/on my flist, it's not about you. Nor, before you ask, is it at all about me, though what's triggering the above is certainly making me have some uncomfortable thoughts pertaining to my own tendencies towards codependency.
And that's all I'm gonna say about it, other than GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH *stabbity stab stab*
If you're actually reading this/on my flist, it's not about you. Nor, before you ask, is it at all about me, though what's triggering the above is certainly making me have some uncomfortable thoughts pertaining to my own tendencies towards codependency.
And that's all I'm gonna say about it, other than GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH *stabbity stab stab*
McCryptypants
Jul. 1st, 2008 03:11 pmSo on failing... you know, what the hell ever, I don't really care usually about failing at little things, or even big things usually. But when it's something I care deeply about? oh HELL yeah, it hurts.
What doesn't help with that is knowing that other people expect x thing to fail... it just makes the defeat all the more crushingly humiliating, and not in the fun way like falling in the mud on Ninja Warrior, cause doing anything on ninja warrior is a success, damn it. No it's just the sort of, I'm already down and people are smug jackasses and can't wait to say Yeah, see I knew that was gonna go tits up. It sort of makes me want to pull the fail out somehow and say to the world FUCK YOU I WILL MAKE THIS WORK SEE IF I DON'T AND DID I MENTION FUCK YOU? And then there would follow a whole big montage probably scored with Vangelis in which you know work on x thing is done, training happens, sacrifices are made, lots of FEEL THE BURN faces are made in slow motion, violins swell and YES YES THE FAIL IS NOW SUCCESS! EAT THAT BITCHES! *orchestral florish*
Why yes, I chase rainbows and tilt at windmills, thanks for asking. And when I find the pot of gold at the end someday YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY. SO THERE.
yea okay, </irrational_moment>
What doesn't help with that is knowing that other people expect x thing to fail... it just makes the defeat all the more crushingly humiliating, and not in the fun way like falling in the mud on Ninja Warrior, cause doing anything on ninja warrior is a success, damn it. No it's just the sort of, I'm already down and people are smug jackasses and can't wait to say Yeah, see I knew that was gonna go tits up. It sort of makes me want to pull the fail out somehow and say to the world FUCK YOU I WILL MAKE THIS WORK SEE IF I DON'T AND DID I MENTION FUCK YOU? And then there would follow a whole big montage probably scored with Vangelis in which you know work on x thing is done, training happens, sacrifices are made, lots of FEEL THE BURN faces are made in slow motion, violins swell and YES YES THE FAIL IS NOW SUCCESS! EAT THAT BITCHES! *orchestral florish*
Why yes, I chase rainbows and tilt at windmills, thanks for asking. And when I find the pot of gold at the end someday YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY. SO THERE.
yea okay, </irrational_moment>
(no subject)
Jul. 5th, 2006 05:08 pmThe shitty thing about being a circular thinker in a linear world is that when constantly having evidence thrown at you that no one on earth thinks like you do, you start to doubt the validity of your own perceptions, feelings, and if it gets bad enough, your own sanity. *sigh* some days the idea of being a sheep is very appealing, especially when all the funny wiring in your head has ever gotten you is uphill battle after uphill battle, often leaving carnage in their wakes.
I originally had a big long tear about how much I hate it when reality decides to rear up and bite my cooter, but it got passive aggressive and attacky... which I suppose isn't very passive aggressive. Active aggressive. Something. Ick. Lets just put it at I hate everything, everyone and the horses they all rode in on. Also, screw Puritanical patriarchal sexual mores and the fact that they're still trickling down and making our lives far more fucked up and angst ridden than necessary.
I originally had a big long tear about how much I hate it when reality decides to rear up and bite my cooter, but it got passive aggressive and attacky... which I suppose isn't very passive aggressive. Active aggressive. Something. Ick. Lets just put it at I hate everything, everyone and the horses they all rode in on. Also, screw Puritanical patriarchal sexual mores and the fact that they're still trickling down and making our lives far more fucked up and angst ridden than necessary.
Penis and Goliath
Jun. 30th, 2006 12:49 amI can't for the life of me remember the word for "Friday" in French. Seriously, my brain's running in circles around it. I remember the rest of the damn days - lundi, mardi, mercredi, jeudi, (blank), samedi, dimanche. Seriously, that what my brain's been doing for the past ten minutes. and yes, I know I could look it up, after all the Internet is not just for porn. But that would be cheating.
Ever have one of those days where you become aware that you and others around you are merely pawns in the games of gods? And upon realizing that, have you then realized that those gods are not kind ones? I think I'm having one of those weeks. Months. Fuck it. Lives. *sigh* okay, maybe not lives, that seems a wee bit emo and dramatic even for a livejournal post. But every so often I hit a good patch of time where I must rail in full King Lear "blow wind and crack your cheeks" at the storms raging in my head, often of my own making.
...incidentally that quote gains a whole new level of nuance if you think about wind and cheeks differently. Or if the first time you read King Lear was in 8th grade. Which is why most kids probably shouldn't read Shakespeare at that age. Even the innocuous lines become unexpectedly funny with a change of inflection, like "Bring me my longsword, ho!" Really it's the same reason why kids probably shouldn't be allowed anywhere near any Greek, Roman or Rennaissance sculpture until they reach the age of majority. I mean yes, David was probably a grower, not a shower (though if you think about it, David's wang at rest was about 9"... which meant it would probably swell to around 18" or so and would therefore put said sniggering boys to shame) and I doubt Michaelangelo was Jewish, so there's absolutely no reason why David would be divested of his foreskin (though that's an interesting point - wasn't David Jewish?
Okay now see where this train of thought has gotten me. I really don't need to be up trying to remember if Michaelangelo's David had a foreskin, especially as it's late enough for at least one punchy voice in my head to be singing "Ol' Mike's David had a bris, E-I-E-I-O.
... well according to Google Image Search, no, David didn't actually (though he should have had one! Talk about your historical inaccuracy there!). We have foreskin ladies, and gentlemen. Well, not me personally. But you know what I mean.
Here's what Wikipedia had to say about it:
"There is controversy, however, over the statue's supposed Biblical reference, since the statue portrays an uncircumcised male, whereas the historical King David was undoubtedly circumcised. Because of this fact, some art historians believe that "David" was actually the name of the model who posed for the statue, rather than King David himself, and that Michelangelo claimed the Biblical reference to make it acceptable to the Christian world. It has also been suggested that this was a conscious decision in Michelangelo's endeavor to emulate the ancient Greek aesthetic ideals, which regarded the circumcised penis as mutilated. Again, these theories are merely speculation."
BTW, the word I was looking for was vendredi. Yes, I gave up and looked. I feel so unclean somehow, but that probably has more to do with the fact that I spent the last 20 or so minutes babbling about the penis on a scary looking 500 year old hunka hunka burnin' marble. *sigh* I can't even use being drunk as an excuse.
On that note, I should stop.
Ever have one of those days where you become aware that you and others around you are merely pawns in the games of gods? And upon realizing that, have you then realized that those gods are not kind ones? I think I'm having one of those weeks. Months. Fuck it. Lives. *sigh* okay, maybe not lives, that seems a wee bit emo and dramatic even for a livejournal post. But every so often I hit a good patch of time where I must rail in full King Lear "blow wind and crack your cheeks" at the storms raging in my head, often of my own making.
...incidentally that quote gains a whole new level of nuance if you think about wind and cheeks differently. Or if the first time you read King Lear was in 8th grade. Which is why most kids probably shouldn't read Shakespeare at that age. Even the innocuous lines become unexpectedly funny with a change of inflection, like "Bring me my longsword, ho!" Really it's the same reason why kids probably shouldn't be allowed anywhere near any Greek, Roman or Rennaissance sculpture until they reach the age of majority. I mean yes, David was probably a grower, not a shower (though if you think about it, David's wang at rest was about 9"... which meant it would probably swell to around 18" or so and would therefore put said sniggering boys to shame) and I doubt Michaelangelo was Jewish, so there's absolutely no reason why David would be divested of his foreskin (though that's an interesting point - wasn't David Jewish?
Okay now see where this train of thought has gotten me. I really don't need to be up trying to remember if Michaelangelo's David had a foreskin, especially as it's late enough for at least one punchy voice in my head to be singing "Ol' Mike's David had a bris, E-I-E-I-O.
... well according to Google Image Search, no, David didn't actually (though he should have had one! Talk about your historical inaccuracy there!). We have foreskin ladies, and gentlemen. Well, not me personally. But you know what I mean.
Here's what Wikipedia had to say about it:
"There is controversy, however, over the statue's supposed Biblical reference, since the statue portrays an uncircumcised male, whereas the historical King David was undoubtedly circumcised. Because of this fact, some art historians believe that "David" was actually the name of the model who posed for the statue, rather than King David himself, and that Michelangelo claimed the Biblical reference to make it acceptable to the Christian world. It has also been suggested that this was a conscious decision in Michelangelo's endeavor to emulate the ancient Greek aesthetic ideals, which regarded the circumcised penis as mutilated. Again, these theories are merely speculation."
BTW, the word I was looking for was vendredi. Yes, I gave up and looked. I feel so unclean somehow, but that probably has more to do with the fact that I spent the last 20 or so minutes babbling about the penis on a scary looking 500 year old hunka hunka burnin' marble. *sigh* I can't even use being drunk as an excuse.
On that note, I should stop.
