Andee from the internet.

( cut because we care (and know you might not) )

Rock over London, rock over Chicago. LoudTwitter: Shipping tweets to your blog daily.

The icon doesn't really have much to do with anything, I just never use it.

Crashed at 8 last night. I think I told morlock to wake me up for Lost, but I think considering my general state yesterday, he must have figured it was the better part of valor to let me sleep. I can't say he was wrong, I kinda felt like the duck at the end of Bill Bailey's "Love Ballad." You know, "The duck lies shredded into a pancake... soaking in the hoisin of your lies..." Of course, finally remembering that I still have Ativan in the house and taking some probably helped hasten and maintain my unconsciousness. Ah well. It's DVRed; I'll watch it later today after my cat scan.

Yesterday I'd had no caffiene, a pretty rude shock to the system (self inflicted but still horrid), a several hour crying jag, and just in general went through the day with a throbbing headache, while once again thinking too much. There were good points too, little ones... going to Local Burger with Carole, getting cubic shittons of boxes and a brief visit from the Foole. And amidst all that panicked thinking at forty two million miles an hour, several good things rolled to the surface. I did reconnect with space_craft, which I'd been meaning to do for a while. I continued to think about Nevershire and came up with more ideas for it (I think it's going to end up being a web comic due to the sheer amount of visual and geek jokes that are gonna end up involved). morlock and I managed to have a long conversation without fighting (okay, granted I was sobbing my face off at the time but I still consider it an achievement.) And I processed some stuff online with htl_1126, masteradept, verbena76 and bluewindkitsune.

The main thing (and I'm sorry if I scared anyone with my entries yesterday) is I need to get on out, or make progress towards doing so. I told the Foole I'd be ready to start moving stuff to Hadley week after next (by the way, if anyone else would like to donate a couple of hours and some car space, I'd be deeply appreciative), so that's a week's worth of packing up my shit to look forward to. and then once that's done, I'm out. It's past time, if my own unraveling mental state and that of those around me are any indication. I can't really hope to have any sort of new beginning succeed while I still live up in the smoldering corpse of an old dream, one that I'm still clinging to, honestly. Considering where my head is, there are some ongoing projects that I don't feel like I can willfully dedicate myself to until this chapter is officially closed and the page turned. So the job and to-do list for right now is get my scheduled medical fu dealt with, go shopping for this weekend, rise to expectations at the Flea, work like a fiend, pack like my life depended on it, file my taxes and not really worry about anything else until mission has been accomplished... anything else at this point can wait until I'm ready to deal with it.

What I'd LOVE to deal with right now is some breakfast. Stupid "nothing but liquids past 5am" restriction. Stupid cat scan. Grr.

A note about yesterday though: I'm honestly pretty amazed that most of the comments to my lapses in moral judgement with respect to information don't condemn me for what I've done. I know what I do isn't okay, and while the understanding and support is good in terms of I'm not a total freak of nature concerning this, I'm really kinda boggled that there aren't more "wow, that was jackasslike" comments there. Eh, I don't know. I usually expect more of a balance of good and bad comments, but know how hard it is to be the person saying "no, you're an asshat" goodness knows I've kept quiet on so many things in other people's journals about things I didn't agree with or that bothered me rather than "start a fight" or just offer criticism. So... I don't know. If it's so hard for me to remember that other people are wearing their big kid underwear, I can hardly expect people to remember the same for me.

Argh. okay, time to get dressed. :P

It is interesting how you can have a really good day followed by an evening so shitty that only flavored Stoli, Shakespeare cavorting with fae (yep, still reading Ink and Steel) and Les Petits Ecoliers can even have a prayer of saving it and even then it's something of a long shot.

Who the fuck is even playing tonight?? Oh wait... I don't care.

Going back to bed nau.

ETA: Show me some love, motherfuckers.

Get your own valentinr

Diner and Beetlejuice to follow. Looking forward to it.