I'm hoping today is an improvement over tomorrow, which did get a tiny bit better after long talks with both bluewindkitsune and sundart, packing another box (I'm now out - gonna have to find a few more), lamb chops (mmm, meat) and a bit of vanilla vodka. Today there is fresh whiteshit coming down, and it's been long enough since the last storm that I'm enjoying it. What was already on the ground was getting dingy. :) Plus it should make my driving lesson tomorrow quite interesting.
Yesterday was plain awful, but that's... not now... that's then. ** There were some hard realizations to be dealt with, and some truths that needed to be told weeks ago that needed to be processed with multiple people. I think in all cases, the essential lesson is be less of a coward about saying a) what I need b) what's going on in my life. I think in all cases where this applies I get so hung up on possible backlash when I say something about anything that I just... don't. That needs to not happen. Also... I think I need to learn to both take things at face value and to be someone who can be taken at face value. That right there has gotten me into more trouble than anything else.
I need to be done mining the past. For angst, analysis, self-flagellation, castigation of others, what have you. I've done it enough so that I have a pretty good understanding of where I fucked up and where I allowed others to fuck me up/over. I've got a game plan for the next six months, and kind of a nebulous idea for the six after that. Both plan and idea and the people/projects surrounding them are far worthier of my attention than the backward spiral I've been riding for damn ever.
Hmm. Headache. I'm guessing it's a lack of caffiene and not last night's vodka causing it (I didn't have THAT much). Off to get breakfast and start the day.
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