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Oh spam...
Jan. 7th, 2009 08:20 pmbecause somehow I knew checking my gmail spambox would bring the lulz today:
Andee Browne, Robert Downey Jr. Needs Females
Where and when???
Andee Browne, Robert Downey Jr. Needs Females
Where and when???
A few bullets this morning
May. 20th, 2008 09:31 am- Note to self and everyone that feels like reminding me... I need to drink while traveling. As in water, not alcohol. Cause... ow. Lets leave it at the day after I get home is not exactly pleasant while my system resets itself.
- I HAS UNDERWAREZ. (that sounds like something you download from astalavista.) But not quite the number I ordered - I tore open my package of Victoria's Secret nummyness to find that I was one pair short. One extremely civil phone call later, and the straggler is on its way. In the meantime, there really isn't anything in the world like brandy new panties. Especially the kind you know won't ride up on you. And in your favorite color no less. Yay.
- I got to the office this morning to find that our old downstairs neighbor back in the days of 101 Washington had left me some pretty purple flowers. She had called last week to see how I was and thus got an earful about my latest adventures in health. I'm going to try to remember to bring those home today. *squee*
- oh yeah, I'd said I was going to be quieter. So much for that.
- hey
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_kyri... *fart* - bah... I certainly didn't miss the feeling of being chased by my to-do lists while I was gone. Back with a vengeance. Crap. Here's to trying valiantly to outrun it today. *put nose back to grind*
ETA: My work email really does get the best junk mail sometimes. Apparently I need to update my penis. I don't know... I think I'm quite happy with version 0.0 here.
"A dream will always be just a dream if you don't have a plan of action to turn it into a goal and then to make that goal a reality. Not only does this reduce paper consumption, but information is usually easier to find when digitally stored- instead of searching through paper files. But the nature of work changed from being predominantly individual to predominantly collaborative. Connected CommunitiesAnother important component of the 21S program is the concept of 'connected communities. You will continue to spend every penny you earn if you don't plan for where you want that money to go."
I swear, someone should assemble the bits of wisdom from the text of junk mail these days and make a furtune cookie generator.
BTW - the subject of this particular email: Jockstrap erotic.
I swear, someone should assemble the bits of wisdom from the text of junk mail these days and make a furtune cookie generator.
BTW - the subject of this particular email: Jockstrap erotic.
Junk Mail xxvi - been a while, hasn't it?
May. 13th, 2006 04:43 pmYoung daughter fucckked mozambique - Does this refer to the country, the head of state, or the entire population? I could understand #2, but cramming an entire country up your hoohoo is pretty impossible unless you moonlight as a Hindu god (and I'm only basing thins on the fact that one of them could fit the Universe down his throat). And the entire population, well, that would require multiple applications of ice packs, unless it was over a long period of time.
WORLDS #1 SELLING VIBRATOR - also known as an unbalanced Kenmore washing machine.
zipping my lean muscle mass - I'd imagine if you were nothing but lean muscle mass, it would be very hard to catch it in a zipper.
wefiguzafur - bless you.
the best prices for impotence - This is new. Usually spam is all about bigger and better and having the potency and stamina of a horse on speed. Now they're seilling impotence? I guess the other half of the market requires service as well.
Sloppy Cream Pies Served Fresh - the only way this could have been improved would be to substitute "sloppy" for "Oreo". Have your smut and eat it too, lightly flavored with racism!
Full of health? Then don't click! - I'd like to believe that only unhealthy people clicked on their spam, but the reality is that unhealthy people are rather more likely to go to the doctor rather than click on their spam. I'm sure many people that are full of health but somewhat lacking in brain do click on their junk mail...
If your kids are chunky - as opposed to creamy, of course.
As a special end note - does anyone else think that Hoodia sounds more like the country estate of Maria Laveau rather than a miracle dietary supplement?
<shameless plug>Past Junk Mail can be found on my web site</shameless plug>
WORLDS #1 SELLING VIBRATOR - also known as an unbalanced Kenmore washing machine.
zipping my lean muscle mass - I'd imagine if you were nothing but lean muscle mass, it would be very hard to catch it in a zipper.
wefiguzafur - bless you.
the best prices for impotence - This is new. Usually spam is all about bigger and better and having the potency and stamina of a horse on speed. Now they're seilling impotence? I guess the other half of the market requires service as well.
Sloppy Cream Pies Served Fresh - the only way this could have been improved would be to substitute "sloppy" for "Oreo". Have your smut and eat it too, lightly flavored with racism!
Full of health? Then don't click! - I'd like to believe that only unhealthy people clicked on their spam, but the reality is that unhealthy people are rather more likely to go to the doctor rather than click on their spam. I'm sure many people that are full of health but somewhat lacking in brain do click on their junk mail...
If your kids are chunky - as opposed to creamy, of course.
As a special end note - does anyone else think that Hoodia sounds more like the country estate of Maria Laveau rather than a miracle dietary supplement?
<shameless plug>Past Junk Mail can be found on my web site</shameless plug>
Junk Mail XXV - Satisfaction Guaranteed
Dec. 27th, 2005 12:58 pmThis edition will be short, as nothing good's come in lately. However, I did have to share this gem that landed in my work email this morning.
( Which is ironically NSFW )
There really are no words for that... other than being happy the Pink Panther's having such a good time and wondering if Mickey knows. But that will just lead to me speculating on the openness of the marriages of cartoon characters. Which I'm not going to do right now. :)
<shameless plug>Past Junk Mail can be found on my web site</shameless plug>
( Which is ironically NSFW )
There really are no words for that... other than being happy the Pink Panther's having such a good time and wondering if Mickey knows. But that will just lead to me speculating on the openness of the marriages of cartoon characters. Which I'm not going to do right now. :)
<shameless plug>Past Junk Mail can be found on my web site</shameless plug>
JM24 - This is Halloween... Junk Mail!
Oct. 23rd, 2005 04:31 pmThis is where iBuyCheapDrugs!!! - really? I buy mine on 9th and Avenue A.
fw: please read for school - that'll be the day. Will this junk mail be on the final?
Babe hardcored - that sounds like material for Saw III: "you must get the combination from a partially digested piece of paper in this rat's stomach which you must open with your teeth, otherwise you will be hardcored and made into babesauce."
Black power orgyes - giving a whole new meaning to "UNGAWA BLACK POWA."
Studs dance the vanilla & chocolate cha-cha - This better be talking about a Godiva and Chippendales sponsored charity benefit.
FW:RE:ThunderWonder Enla:rger - Why does this sound like something they sell at a science and nature store?
High heels and cocks - Either it's a night at Lucky Chang's, or it's a very weirdly shaped condom.
Hunk unzips his pants to give it to his ma - ok, I checked this - it's supposed to read "mate" but this way is just far more disturbing.
And speaking of Hotmail cutting off subjects in unfortunate places, here are some of the gems from my two Freecycle memberships:
<shameless plug>Past Junk Mail can be found on my web site</shameless plug>
fw: please read for school - that'll be the day. Will this junk mail be on the final?
Babe hardcored - that sounds like material for Saw III: "you must get the combination from a partially digested piece of paper in this rat's stomach which you must open with your teeth, otherwise you will be hardcored and made into babesauce."
Black power orgyes - giving a whole new meaning to "UNGAWA BLACK POWA."
Studs dance the vanilla & chocolate cha-cha - This better be talking about a Godiva and Chippendales sponsored charity benefit.
FW:RE:ThunderWonder Enla:rger - Why does this sound like something they sell at a science and nature store?
High heels and cocks - Either it's a night at Lucky Chang's, or it's a very weirdly shaped condom.
Hunk unzips his pants to give it to his ma - ok, I checked this - it's supposed to read "mate" but this way is just far more disturbing.
And speaking of Hotmail cutting off subjects in unfortunate places, here are some of the gems from my two Freecycle memberships:
[Freecycle Noho] WANTED: "white noise" ...
[FreecycleAmherst] WANTED: Chest freezer...
[Freecycle Noho] OFFER - Framed Van Gogh...
[Freecycle Noho] WANTED: kids-sized wood...
[Freecycle Noho] Offering: several women...
[Freecycle Noho] wanted, primer and pain...
[Freecycle Noho] PROMISED: Bag of knee...
[Freecycle Noho] WANTED: Girls 14/16...
[FreecycleAmherst] WANTED:hampster cage...
[FreecycleAmherst] Taken:life of a slave...
[Freecycle Noho] offered: "executive sty...
[Freecycle Noho] Taken-Bag of boys...
[Freecycle Noho] Offered-Boys/young teens...
[Freecycle Noho] TAKEN: Vibrating Infant...
[FreecycleAmherst] WANTED to Borrow a Wal...
<shameless plug>Past Junk Mail can be found on my web site</shameless plug>
JM23. It's like ID4...
Jul. 3rd, 2005 10:31 am...except without the geograpically incorrect shot of the Empire State Building blowing up.
Well. Today I found a long lost issue of the junk mail (misfiled under memories) so everything past 17's been renumbered. But in celebration of rejoining the true JM17 with it's departed, grease covered brethren, I dredged up some of the following.
Healthy Spermatazoa - You really have to love ow tey attempt to give these things a sred of credibility by referring to sperm by its full Latin (and utterly ridiculous) full name.
Remove Bad Marks From Your Credit Report - Sleep with your credit counselor.
Spruce your goose - I know it's actually a duck, but all this subject line did was insert images of penises saying "AFLAC." Stupid vivid imagination.
Delight in dieting: seen on NBC CBS and 60 minutes - Another apolitical example of the nations propaganda machine at work.
cancel my abbreviation - Reason for cancellation: Considering what this is probably about, the last ting junk mail people want you to do is think short... maybe that's the reason for using "spermatazoa."
jt-Disaster for Angela pink cunt. certain - Monday on the Young and the Horny.
Fwd:YOURWIFEWANTTHISLoretta
Fwd:YOURWIFEWANTTHISClaudia
Here we see the down side of accepting same sex marriage.
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSVicente
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSEileen
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSMicheal
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSGeorgia
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSMeagan
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSIrvin
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSGlenda
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSBerta
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSRita
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSPhyllis
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSTommy
(+ about 16 more)
Teh Fuck? Gotta catch 'em all, Viagramon?
Well. Today I found a long lost issue of the junk mail (misfiled under memories) so everything past 17's been renumbered. But in celebration of rejoining the true JM17 with it's departed, grease covered brethren, I dredged up some of the following.
Healthy Spermatazoa - You really have to love ow tey attempt to give these things a sred of credibility by referring to sperm by its full Latin (and utterly ridiculous) full name.
Remove Bad Marks From Your Credit Report - Sleep with your credit counselor.
Spruce your goose - I know it's actually a duck, but all this subject line did was insert images of penises saying "AFLAC." Stupid vivid imagination.
Delight in dieting: seen on NBC CBS and 60 minutes - Another apolitical example of the nations propaganda machine at work.
cancel my abbreviation - Reason for cancellation: Considering what this is probably about, the last ting junk mail people want you to do is think short... maybe that's the reason for using "spermatazoa."
jt-Disaster for Angela pink cunt. certain - Monday on the Young and the Horny.
Repeat Offenders of the Month:
Fwd:YOURWIFEWANTTHISCarolynFwd:YOURWIFEWANTTHISLoretta
Fwd:YOURWIFEWANTTHISClaudia
Here we see the down side of accepting same sex marriage.
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSVicente
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSEileen
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSMicheal
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSGeorgia
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSMeagan
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSIrvin
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSGlenda
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSBerta
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSRita
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSPhyllis
FW:DONOTLOSELOVERSTommy
(+ about 16 more)
Teh Fuck? Gotta catch 'em all, Viagramon?
And finally, one I opened:
Note: Strongly think basketball when reading this.Subject: Has your cum ever dribbled and you wish it had shot out?
Heya! Has your cum ever dribbled and you wish it had shot out? Have you ever wanted to impress your girl with a huge cumshot? SPUR-M is the only site to offer an all natural male enhancement formula that is proven to increase your sperm volume by up to 500%. Our highly potent, volume enhancing formula will give our results in days and comes with an impressive 100% guarantee. Imagine the difference (look and feel) between dribbling your cum compared to shooting out burst after burst. Try SPUR-M now! and with our money back guarantee you have absolutely nothing to lose!
<shameless plug>Junk Mail Archives can be found at Dragonsea.net</shameless plug>
